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“I was picked on for being too smart AND too pretty” Buck says confidently

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/11/24

As a guy who was once a kid who was picked on as kind of a weirdo myself, I am, of course, pulling for Parker. They seem smart and have a oddball sense of humor that will serve them much better as an adult than a tween. But I don’t think Buck is the guy who should be delivering this message. Buck is perhaps the most eminently bullyable character in Rex Morgan, M.D., and I don’t think holding him up as the future Parker has to look forward to is reassuring at all. I guess he’s supposed to be living proof that it does in fact get better, because if this guy is out there every day representing roots country stars and retired horror comics artists and isn’t getting his head shoved into a toilet on the regular, adulthood really must be free of bullies once and for all, you know?

Marvin, 7/11/24

Look, it’s not my fault that this piss-obsessed strip leans on the “Ha ha, a fire hydrant is like a toilet, to a dog” bit! Because now they’ve included a fire hydrant in this non-piss-related strip and all I can think of is that the equivalent with people would be two people standing next to a toilet with no explanation. Are they about to piss? Did they just finish pissing? Did they, or are they about to, piss at the same time? This strip has poisoned my mind, I tell you! Poisoned it!

Pluggers, 7/11/24

Pluggers don’t know where they are or what time of day it is or what’s happening to or around them and, real talk: God, I wish that was me. They seem pretty chill about it!

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“Conditions” could also refer to access to alcohol

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Beetle Bailey, 6/30/24

Once again, the throwaway panels across the top of this Sunday strip deepen the narrative considerably. Without them, we just have a story about the General giving up on the pretense of fulfilling his job duties once and for all; with them, we see that, having been denied in his own home, he is chasing his obsessive need to practice putting no matter the professional cost. The throwaway panels also really raise the question of why, given that it’s the middle of summer, he doesn’t simply play golf outside, like a normal person, and so we are left speculate that we’re looking at the world in the wake of some environmental catastrophe that rendered outdoor games like golf unplayable.

Mary Worth, 6/30/24

Loving Dr. Jeff’s face at this big reveal in the bottom left-hand panel. “Wait, so this whole thing is about his ex-girlfriend? The one who dumped him once and for all after he let her think he was dead for a week? That’s … that’s worse than just being bereft over a fish! I can’t put my finger on why but it’s definitely worse!”

Marvin, 6/30/24

Ah, what a nice change of pace, a Marvin without a poop joke! Nope, it’s just about Marvin and a bunch of cats getting into a sandbox-related dispute over who has or has not “put down a deposit” and … oh. Oh, I see. God damn it.

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Let’s get biblical

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Hi and Lois, 6/25/24

Over at here at Hi and Lois, we’re working to reassure you that it’s not just desperate old people falling for those “Make Money At Home – Set Your Own Hours!” scams on Facebook. No, teenagers are falling for them too! Or at least we’re pretty sure they are. We asked our grandson “What’re you looking at on your phone, buddy? Facebook?” and his grunted reply seemed like an affirmative, so we’re running with that.

Rhymes With Orange, 6/25/24

Um actually Adam, it wasn’t the “tree of knowledge,” it was the “tree of knowledge of good and evil,” so maybe you can annoy your wife when the kid gets to his ethics homework, huh? Oh, what’s that, you, as one of the only two adult humans alive, weren’t planning on teaching him ethics? Do you want to raise Cain, the first murderer? Because that’s how you get Cain, the first murderer.

Marvin, 6/25/24

[desperately trying to think of something non-poop related to say about Marvin] You ever notice how messed up the feet in Marvin look? Check out those feet! The heels are sticking out further from the leg than the toes! And those toes … well, just try imagining what they look like under those “shoes”! Ha ha! Real messed up, right? Messed up enough to purge all thought of the poop jokes from your mind?