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Marvin, 12/5/23

I actually really enjoy the implication of this cartoon, which is that Bitsy doesn’t understand the idea that having your picture taken results in a image that other people will see — like, he thinks he just has to sit still wearing a dumb hat for a little bit, but once the process is over there will be no further consequences and nobody else will be the wiser about his demeaning little outfit — but he absolutely knows what it means to post something on social media. We need more baroque and weird versions of the “animals in comics have some human knowledge but not all of it” trope! Forget “this dog can write but not spell things properly” gag, give us baffling gaps in understanding like this one!

Mary Worth, 12/5/23

Haha, turns out Brad is here not for Kitty but for Sonia. Specifically, he’s here to collaborate on the “fight the system” t-shirts that are Sonia’s main form of political activism. Were you thinking about supporting the police, the military, or any of the other pillars of traditional American society that also happened to employ Sonia’s absentee father? Well, not if these cool t-shirts have anything to say about it! Anyway, Kitty understands the real problem with this kind of all-branding, no-substance approach to social justice, which is that it can really cramp your style when you’re trying to bring some ex-Marine back home and have sex with him.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/5/23

I’m sorry, are you telling me you couldn’t get a good self-help cult rolling with your program in the 1970s? Maybe you were never the guy to put it into action, then. Maybe you should just let Rene have this one!

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Hi and Lois, 11/15/23

The sun won’t blast off its outer layers, forming a planetary nebula and leaving only a tiny white dwarf behind, for another seven to eight billion years or so, and while that is the unfathomably distant future, it’s not strictly speaking correct to say that Trixie’s best friend will last “forever.” Still, Sunbeam will be around for a lot longer than Suzy here, who even in a best-case scenario will be dead by sometime in the 2110s.

Marvin, 11/15/23

If you had told me in the abstract that Marvin wanted to branch out beyond “Ha ha, Marvin has shat himself and is proud of it” jokes, I would obviously endorse it. But please, do not waste your time and mine with marital misanthropy jokes that are two orders of magnitude too unfunny to make it in The Lockhorns! Better poop than this!

The Phantom, 11/15/23

Yes, The Phantom is still somehow doing the “Death of the Phantom” arc, and no, I’m still not going to catch you up on the details. But I do need to point out that this strip, which has never been shy about tastefully implied nudity, has just discovered the funniest ever use of a word balloon.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/2/23

Oh, fine, I guess Buzzy and Mud aren’t boxing Rene out of the profits from his own brainwashing scam, or are at least using a stock photo of him as part of the sales pitch. You can’t profit off your crimes, but nothing about the Mirakle Method itself was criminal: it’s not illegal to transform someone’s personality to the extent that he refuses to perform “Muddy Boots” for a theater full of roots country maniacs, though that may change if the bipartisan Play The Hits Act finally passes through Congress this year.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/2/23

Speaking of criminality, it’s always important to remember that Snuffy has done some really nasty stuff, things that would result in nationwide calls for his immediate arrest and execution if they were ever known to the public.

Mary Worth, 11/2/23

“Why was may attempt to conquer and occupy these women with deadly force repulsed? Was there a problem with our tactical execution? Were the strategies handed down from the officer corps inadequate? Or have I once again been betrayed by the politicians in Washington who aren’t fully committed to the mission?”

Hi and Lois, 11/2/23

Oh, is your kid’s little darndest-thing-saying making you world-weary there, Hi? Maybe you should do some self-reflection about why he’s more familiar with a slot machine than a bank.

Marvin, 11/2/23

I’m sure literally nobody out there has been wondering how Marvin’s grandfather’s friend’s marriage is going, but I’m here to tell you anyway: It’s not going well! It’s not going well at all.