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OK, so here is my excuse as to why I was late with the first few days of this week’s comics, which is that I was in scenic Orlando, Florida. While in America’s #1 Central Florida tourist destination, I stopped by the Universal Islands of Adventure, and while maybe I was mostly interested in Harry-Potter-related activities, I was also keenly aware, thanks to a steady trickle of photos sent to me by faithful readers over the years, that there was a real live Mark Trail diorama to be found. And when I spotted it, it was all I had hoped and dreamed of … and more!

Yes, here we have Mark and Billy Keane interacting, for some reason! And what the pictures I had seen couldn’t convey was the fact that this display has an audio component as well! As I stood nearby and pretended to menace Mark with my feeble fist, his soothing voice was piped in from a speaker above his head, informing us that he works for Woods and Wildlife Magazine and loved nature. For reasons I cannot comprehend, Mark is the only character in the whole Toon Lagoon area who gets to speak! Do you think that any of that makes sense to anyone who visits the park, other than the soap opera strip obsessives who read this blog?

There were other characters on display there, and a weird grab-bag they were. They certainly weren’t the most popular characters, but they also weren’t from any one comics syndicate, which means we can rule out corporate synergy as a basis for the character choices. For instance, there’s this Shoe display! Kids love Shoe, right?

You also have the opportunity to stand directly under Marvin’s no-doubt poop-filled diaper:

And you can get some ice cream, if you aren’t scared off by Cathy’s looming crotch.

In summary, the Toon Lagoon section of the Islands of Adventure is a good place to spend a few minutes of ironic bafflement before moving on to actually fun parts of the park. (Although the Dudley Do-Right log flume ride is pretty great. I had forgot how completely pun-tastic that show was!)

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Pluggers, 9/12/11

Wow, thanks to the Pluggers comic for keeping me up to date on important plugger anthropological developments! If you had asked me before I saw this comic, I would have guessed that a “plugger coffeehouse” was one of those greasy-spoon diners where you can sit at a counter and a waitress will call you “hon” and fill up your mug limitlessly for a quarter. But no, all of those went out of business years ago, obviously, so pluggers just drive out to the McDonald’s on State Route 178 to drink their coffee. They may not get free refills but at least they aren’t going to menaced by any fruity poetry.

But pluggers may need to brush up on their own cultural awareness! Because, based on this comic, I’m guessing that they assume that non-plugger Americans get their java in ill-lit bohemian hideaways, where bearded Communists read slam poetry on stage while the assembled patrons snap their approval. In actuality, of course, non-pluggers get their coffee at Starbucks. Can’t we as a nation come together and bond over our love of soulless chain restaurants, even if they aren’t the same soulless chain restaurants?

Dennis the Menace, 9/12/11

So, uh, Dennis wishes his mother were some kind of pagan nature deity? This is either not menacing at all (i.e., Dennis is into twee neo-pagan spirituality, with, like, faeries and stuff) or extremely menacing (i.e., Dennis yearns for a divine lineage so that he might be imbued with God-like powers and indulge his every whim, to our terror).

Marvin, 9/12/11

Whoah, it looks like Marvin and his cat have turned to high-priced lawyers in their battle over pooping rights. Can you believe that they’ve gotten so corporate? I remember when it was about the shitting, man.

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Apartment 3-G, 8/30/11

“Bah! I’m too old to be polite! So, is she the one, Paulie? The one who does all the freaky sex stuff that you describe in graphic detail over family dinners?”

Gil Thorp, 8/30/11

Ha ha, whoops, it appears that what I thought was a fresh-faced young student eager for Gil’s wisdom is actually a broken-down old coach, begging to be released from whatever sinister hold Gil has over him that’s been getting him to continue working after retirement for who knows how long. Wasn’t there just a plot where Gil stood up to a school board member who tried to break the teachers’ union? I’m sure the United Federation of Teachers shop steward would love to hear about the years of unpaid labor Gil extracted from Coach Tabor until he finally agreed to let the guy go see his parents before they die.

Marvin, 8/30/11

O happy day! My dream of seeing Marvin answer for his crimes at the Hague is finally coming true!