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Funky Winkerbean, 8/8/10

The best sadness in today’s Funky Winkerbean (because that is how one should evaluate any day’s Funky Winkerbean, by determining which of its many sadnesses is the best) is not Funky’s failure to recognize how his own unquenchable anger has infected every aspect of his life; that’s a theme that’s been harped on a bit too much of late to be fresh. No, my favorite is Crazy Harry’s rage at Funky for selecting a private service for parcel delivery, choosing reliable tracking capabilities over long-standing friendship. One assumes that Harry’s hangdog expression in the next to last panel is due to this betrayal, and not over the psychological implications of the new t-shirt design.

Panel from Marvin, 8/8/10

Unfortunately, this panel does not depict Marvin’s parents watching with bored detachment as their son is carried away by hungry rodents, with Jeff responding to his wife’s earlier question, “What kind of hungry rodents are those, carrying Marvin away to eat?” But I’ve put isolated it here like this, so you can pretend that it does.

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Spider-Man, 5/11/10

O cruel twist of fate! Here our hero, the Amazing Spider-Man, is betrayed by that which he loves the most: television! He always dreamed of the day when his image would appear on the fantastic glowing picture box in his living room, but now that it’s arrived, it’s just making him confront his financial inadequacies. Perhaps Peter will take this opportunity to educate himself about the rapidly consolidating corporate-controlled media landscape — presumably the Globe-Herald and this local TV station are owned by the same company, and whatever freelancing agreement Peter signed gave that parent corporation the right to use his work across all of its properties. Maybe Spidey’s next battle will be to make readers more aware of alternative, independent journalism, in print or online! Ha ha, just kidding, he’s going to stay at home and sulk and not even go see Mary Jane’s show, wah wah wah, poor Peter Parker, nobody loves him.

Dennis the Menace, 5/11/10

I’m not exactly sure why this is supposed to be either funny or menacing. Perhaps Dennis’s parents have thrown him out of the house into the pouring rain for his general bad behavior, and now he represents the social menace of child homelessness?

Apartment 3-G, 5/11/10

Apartment 3-G really brings home to me how much I make quick assessments about people’s age and social circle from the way they dress. This usually works well enough in the real world, but when you’re dealing with a cast of characters whose wardrobe appears to have been meticulously copied from mid-’60s issues of Redbook, you’re left sort of at sea. Are the A3G girls supposed to be 25? 40? 55? 25-year-olds involved in an elaborate cosplay subculture? Who knows! What I’m trying to say is that Lu Ann may well be a 12-year-old. It would explain a lot.

Marvin, 5/11/10

In happier news, Marvin is about to be mauled by a vicious dog.

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Beetle Bailey, 4/28/10

I’m not sure why the Camp Swampy leadership is so excited about America’s still fragile economic upturn; after all, they’re all career officers with guaranteed government pensions, and improved private sector hiring is likely to make military recruiting more difficult. I guess maybe I shouldn’t be so cynical, and should just accept that these four guys are rooting for our nation’s GDP and glad to see it growing again. It’s also possible that they will take literally any available excuse to get blotto.

The “again” bit doesn’t come as a surprise to me at all, since there have been 10 or so recessions over the 60 years Beetle Bailey has been in print.

Spider-Man, 4/28/10

Spidey is always quick with a quip, but maybe he ought to give a little bit of thought to these one-liners before he lets loose with them. “That’s right, Sabretooth — I was able to successfully hide from you, like the coward I am! That’s why you can’t see me right n — aw, crap.”

Marvin, 4/28/10

Man, Marvin is definitely not disappointing when it comes to this “stand-up comedian grandma” shtick. “My aged, wizened body is falling apart, bit by bit! I feel the stench of death rising up from my own flesh! I could go out at any minute! Seriously, why are all of you laughing?” Also worth noting is that the art is not a repeat of yesterday’s strip, even though it’s just as static and boring. Kudos for that, I guess?

Jumble, 4/28/10

Oh look, it appears I’m in the Jumble again, this time as a counterfeiter? Sorry, Jumble Jeff, as a professional blogger, I already have a license to print money.