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Mary Worth, 2/26/19

Oh my God this elderdating plot is going to involved a nonstop parade of wizened, horny old men who lied about their age on their dating profile slouching lustily at Estelle and I am extremely here for it. Very excited for this rugged, weathered gentleman to explain that the “old” was a typo and he meant to say that he’d been a widower ever since his wife died of natural causes 63 years ago.

Gil Thorp, 2/26/19

I’m not sure why Marty’s latest crusade to get Gil fired is so different from every other campaign he’s ever waged to get Gil fired that he feels obliged to personally and insincerely apologize to Mimi about it when he runs into her public. I do, however, absolutely love the image of him so gobsmacked that he just stands there, holding his mug of delicious, frosty beer at waist level. Maybe it’s a precursor to him dropping it to the floor in shock, which I’m imagining now happening in slow motion! Anyway, my favorite person in today’s strip is actually the eavesdropping dude in panel one who’s looking at the reader with an expression that says “I come here for the happy hour drinks and appetizers but I stay for the drama.”

Beetle Bailey, 2/26/19

Ha ha, computer nerd Chip Gizmo, who’s supposed to be installing Microsoft Office and making sure staff officers’ computers don’t have too much porn malware on them, thinks he’s a real soldier and is fighting the “enemy” — with computers! What an extremely silly scenario that definitely isn’t happening in real life!

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Spider-Man, 2/23/19

It’s been a week since MJ threw a blanket over Killgrave, and in that time here’s what happened: Spidey and Luke Cage have stumbled around, partially incapacitated from the aftereffects of Killgrave’s mind-control powers, and Killgrave has run around in a deranged panic, because the blanket is reflecting his own powers back at him somehow. And honestly? It’s been great. If this strip just wanted to be “comical Three Stooges-style slapstick where the main characters have superpowers but mostly just gibber and stumble and almost but not quite fall off of things,” that would honestly feel like it was just leaning into its true destiny.

Mary Worth, 2/23/19

You know what’s a good way to tell what someone’s real age is? If right before they tell you what it is, they say, unprompted, “This age that I’m about to tell you about? It’s my real age!” Remember, the thing all honest people have in common is they loudly talk about how honest they are, constantly.

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The Phantom, 2/20/19

You know, usually it’s easy being a supposedly immortal jungle ghost who’s actually a series of dudes handing down a spandex suit over the centuries, in that when do you heroic stuff everyone really appreciates it and when you don’t do it, it’s not like most people 100% believe in you anyway, so they don’t get mad and think “Why did the Man Who Cannot Die let my beloved grandma get eaten by a tiger?” or whatever. Being able to pick and choose your battles is key to the vigilante game! Unfortunately, the danger zone in the Phantom life cycle comes when the kids you’ve had to perpetuate the whole scheme are old enough to understand your heroic mission but not old enough to get the nuances and practicalities, and end up trying get you to go save everybody. Once the Bandar finally perfect that immortality medicine, this isn’t going to be a problem, but in the meantime the Ghost-Who-Would-Rather-Not-On-This-One is about to find himself in a real pickle!

Mary Worth, 2/20/19

Excited as I am about this Older Adult Online Dating plot, I do need to point out that it’s problematic that we’re shifting storylines without an intervening Charterstone Pool Party. But I’m hoping that we will get one, and that Estelle plans to invite all of her potential paramours (clockwise from top left: Skinny Ian Cameron, Wilbur Weston But Not Clinically Depressed, Guy Who Seems Nice But Starts Letting Slip Racist Remarks On Date Three, Dude Who’s Into Fun Outdoor Activities And Is Also A Swinger It Turns Out, and Street Magician) to the poolside soirée so that Mary can help her choose!

Rhymes With Orange, 2/20/19

Squirting water … out his butthole? Because that’s what the gut is attached to? The butthole? This is a comic about a doctor who just got sprayed in the face by a stream of water out a clown’s anus? I guess?