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Panel from Slylock Fox, 11/3/19

There has been a population explosion of pythons in the forest. In the beginning of the Glorious Animal Regime, all animals were equal; but some, like the traitorous python, defied the reproductive quotas imposed by the benevolent new monarchy, which forced Slylock, more in sorrow than in anger, to impose ethnic cleansing and deport thousands of snakes to “another forest,” so far away that you probably won’t be hearing from your snake friends again, but trust us, they’re happier there. Will history absolve Slylock and Princess Pussycat of their crimes? Answer — No, but they’ll be long dead before the judgement of future generations condemns them!

Mary Worth, 11/3/19

You know, we’ve been spending a lot of time wondering what Estelle could see in Wilbur, but you gotta remember that she’s the woman who sent $10,000 to some dude she had only ever spoken to on the phone, and while “This guy I just started dating has shown up at my apartment very drunk, I’m going to physically and urgently drag him to the double date we’ve planned with his ex and her new boyfriend” isn’t a terrible choice quite on the same scale, it’s a reminder that she’s made some extremely questionable decisions in her life and will no doubt continue to do so in the future.

Dennis the Menace, 11/3/19

Did Dennis just try to pull the “I was resting my eyelids!” trick beloved by checked-out uncles everywhere? Dennis, my man, the only thing you’re a menace to here is your own dignity.

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Mary Worth, 11/2/19

Oh, gosh, hey, I haven’t kept you updated on what Wilbur’s been up since he decided to have “just a little sip” of whisky to “take the edge off [his] nervousness” before his big double date with Estelle and Iris and Zak! Here’s what he’s gotten up to: he polished off that Macallan and replaced it with … what looks like … cough syrup? Let’s say cough syrup. Then he drank a lot of the cough syrup, for that “purple drank” buzz the kids love. My only worry about next week is that he’s so cartoonishly drunk that Estelle is going to refuse to go on the date with him, though I guess that if Zak and Iris are patiently waiting at the restaurant and Wilbur shows up 20 minutes late by himself and very, very blotto, it would be even funnier.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/2/19

I guess if you had asked me who the main non-Grimm character of Mother Goose and Grimm was, I’d say “Mother Goose,” obviously, it’s right there in the name, but if you asked me what her job was, I’d say, “…I’m not fully sure she has one?” But in fact it turns out that she’s that Mother Goose, and honestly this is a big surprise because you’d think she’d be a lot richer. Gender pay gap aside, her stuff is very popular, and in the MGGiverse she’s still alive so it isn’t in the public domain!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/2/19

REX [who is very much in the hospital right now]: Uh, no, I’m, uh, out on my boat. I mean: Dr. Morgan is it out on his boat. This Dr. Morgan’s voicemail. Please leave your message at the beep. [Rex makes a “BEEP” noise and then stops talking]

Beetle Bailey, 11/2/19

Ha ha, that kooky Beetle Bailey just dug a grave for himself! How’s your weekend going?

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Dustin, 10/30/19

Say, remember when male Baby Boomers were young and their parents made fun of them for growing their hair long and otherwise not conforming to stifling 1950s codes of what a man should be or look like? Well, those Boomers all lost their hair and now it’s their turn to police everyone else’s masculinity. Whether you’re treating the the availability of a little cinnamon and nutmeg in your coffee like a full grade crisis because girls like it or you think that guy with a small dog up the street ought to be feeling a lot more shame than he apparently does, you’re certainly making your father happy, wherever he is, probably hell.

Dennis the Menace, 10/30/19

Speaking of hell, here’s what all the demons down there will look like. The amount of work Mr. Wilson put into this is absolutely terrifying, and that’s assuming he’s gone to the trouble of creating a perfect Dennis wig and isn’t wearing the poor lad’s scalp as a hat.

Mary Worth, 10/30/19

ME, YESTERDAY: Ha ha, I’m going to make a joke, here on my blog where I make fun of comics, about how Wilbur is going to have an emotional meltdown on this double date with his ex! But probably nothing that interesting will happen.

ME, TODAY: oh my god Wilbur is so worked up he’s going to start guzzling scotch straight from the bottle to prepare himself, this is going to be more amazing than I possibly could’ve imagined