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Mary Worth, 5/10/25

God, I really want to hear the withering contempt Dawn is putting on the word “love” here, which is being conveyed orthographically by the quote marks. Not sure if she’s implying that the relationship is purely sexual or if instead she’s seething about Wilbur being genuinely besotted, which is obviously even more pathetic.

Heathcliff, 5/10/25

Does that make it … better? I don’t think it does. I think that when the animals are driving little cars around your supermarket and those little cars are made out of really fresh and delicious food, that’s worse, actually.

Pardon My Planet, 5/10/25

Wow, they finally made a Pardon My Planet that made me genuinely chuckle! It’s about the sex lives of courtroom furniture, obviously.

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Mary Worth, 5/8/25

Say what you will about Mary, but she is the master of manners, and one of the keys to having good manners is that if you can’t say something nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all. When taken to its extreme, this can create a sort of negative semantic space that becomes obvious enough to be insulting in its own right. Like, what is Belle to Wilbur, exactly? Are they friends? Hard to say. Boyfriend and girlfriend? Mary isn’t privy but seems unlikely. Lovers? A lady never enquires about bedroom matters. So Mary’s settled on “guest,” which is inarguably true. Belle certainly is someone who is staying in Wilbur’s apartment with his consent, that’s for sure! Whatever else you say about her, and there’s a long list of things that you could say about her but Mary won’t, she definitely fits the dictionary definition of a “guest,” so that’s what she’s going with. Anyway, Dawn, I think dinner is going to be plenty long, because I don’t think you’ll be able to chew your way through that gray slab of vegan lasagna particularly quickly.

Wizard of Id, 5/8/25

The sociologist Max Weber talks about “disenchantment” (entzauberung, in German) as the process by which a medieval society founded on religion and magical thinking gave way to enlightened, rational modernity. That’s why it’s disappointing to see the Wizard of Id, who lives in a literally magical faux-medieval past, treat his body as a mere mechanical contrivance that could be repaired by a skilled tradesman, rather than a vessel of luminous spirit.

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Gearhead Gertie, 5/1/25

When you have a main character with a strong and deranged point of view, like Gertie in Gearhead Gertie, the question arises: are we meant to think that she’s insane, or that she’s the sane one in an insane universe that only she fully understands? The Gearhead Gertie strips where we see Gertie’s husband (LORE DROP: Gertie’s husband’s name is “Harold”) getting increasingly exasperated by her NASCAR monomania seem to indicate the former; but today’s strip, in which we learn that Gertie’s negative opinion about Formula One (a sport that millions of people in our universe enjoy and find exciting) is in fact objectively correct proves that, within the boundaries of this panel, it truly is Gearhead Gertie’s world and the rest of these poor unfortunate souls are just living in it.

Mary Worth, 5/1/25

Hey, fun fact: did you know that the dish Belle is referring to is usually called “black pudding,” because these days even non-vegans find the idea of eating blood a little gross, and there are in fact tons of vegan recipes for it? A lot of them are pretty low calorie, too. So maybe chill out a little, Dawn, I think you might be overreacting to this one.

Archie, 5/1/25

I’ve always admired the names of many of the adult characters in Archie Comics. “Geraldine Grundy,” “Waldo Weatherbee,” “Hiram Lodge,” “Professor Elmer Flutesnoot”: all god-tier comics names. Sadly, Archie’s dad is just “Fred Andrews,” which is much less interesting, though honestly he’s a much less interesting character, and I frankly have never really gotten a handle on what his deal is supposed to be. I guess he finds Archie irritating? Look at how aggrieved he is here, for instance. Hey, Fred, you ever think that your son’s lack of grit and time management skills might be at least partly your fault? You treat your son with disdain yet you proudly drink from a “#1 Dad” mug! You’ve got some self-reflection to do, mister.