He shouldn’t be alive — and I for one think it’s time to do something about that
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Mary Worth, 12/3/24
It can be hard to remember sometimes that Wilbur doesn’t dedicate his full energy to being a sad loser with a host of emotional problems; he also has an ostensible job as a newspaper columnist, simultaneously acting, against all good sense, as an advice columnist, something he has no qualifications for, and, separately, as a chronicler of the lives of people who have survived disasters, a job he secured after he himself almost died in a cruise ship disaster (no, not the one you’re thinking of, I’m talking about the one before that). Anyway, Wilbur is going to Florida for two weeks to interview hurricane survivors, which is the sort of thing a lot of people would use as a thin excuse to basically go on a Florida vacation, except that immediately afterwards he’s going to actually go on a Florida vacation. Florida as a state has a lot to answer for, but I frankly don’t believe they deserve this.
Beetle Bailey, 12/3/24
It’s a good thing America’s enemies don’t read the comics, because otherwise they’d learn that, much like 19th century Ireland, the U.S. Army is overly dependent on a single crop, and the introduction of, say, a water mold that could infect that crop would rapidly degrade our military readiness and leave us vulnerable to invasion! But America’s enemies are very much like Americans in a number of ways, one of which is that they generally do not read the newspaper comics. Surely this is something we could bond over, which in turn could transform enmity into friendship!
