Archive: Mary Worth

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Gil Thorp, 6/7/18

So it took almost a month, but the Milford Trumpet finally landed its interview with Barry Bader, to allow him to tell his side of the story! I thought the high point was a few days ago, when Barry said that his dad feels bad about killing Boo Radley in a drunk driving accident, but he’s doing his time and have you noticed that Boo could be kind of sarcastic when she was alive but now that she’s dead everyone thinks she’s a saint? Today, though, we get to the true meat of the interview, which is that Barry is convinced that the world is stacked against him because he’s short. Did you know that Barry was supposed to be short? I sure didn’t! I guess that’s what the joke in this strip is supposed to be about, because I guess Jay Bhatia is supposed to be short too! It would probably be easier to tell which characters in Gil Thorp were short if the POV in every panel weren’t at some crazy, improbable angle, just sayin’!

Mary Worth, 6/7/18

I regret to inform you that Mary and Dr. Jeff have spent their entire lunch date chatting about Wilbur’s journey of self-actualization, although apparently they’re still of the generation that doesn’t like to use the word “therapy” and so resorts to circumlocutions like “talking to a professional” or “seeing someone at the Medical Arts Building.” Dr. Jeff seems into it, but I do notice that he’s just rattling off whatever vaguely therapeutic things he can think of while holding the door open pointedly and hoping Mary gets the hint that it’s time to go.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/5/18

It’s hard to get a handle on exactly what the larger world of Snuffy Smith is supposed to be like, either geographically or chronologically. Is Hootin’ Holler a uniquely isolated community, surrounded by a modern flatlander civilization we would recognize, or is it simply one of a whole complex of adjacent hollers, each similarly cut off from mainstream American life but all connected to each other via a tenuous network of mountain roads? And if our protagonists were to wander beyond the hills, would they find the big-city denizens to be dressed more or less like us, or in garb as anachronistic as their own? What I’m trying to say is that I really want to be mad that this dude has old-timey prospecting gear and not, say, a metal detector, but I feel like I need to understand where and when he comes from before I get all worked up.

Mary Worth, 6/5/18

Why, look! It’s Mary’s beloved boyfriend Dr. Jeff! When we last saw this distinguished gentleman, he had just enthusiastically introduced Mary to his good pal Ted Miller, who then tried to rape her and so she cut off contact with him but never told Jeff about it. Now they’re getting together on Jeff’s lunch break and talking about … how lucky Wilbur is to know Mary? God, I just love the solid line of communication that keeps this relationship strong!

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Mark Trail, 6/1/18

Hmm, Mark is extremely circumspect about Professor Carter and this … lost temple, isn’t he? I mean, you can’t blame the guy. A few years back, some professor was so enthusiastic about this buried pyramid he’d discovered and Mark was just carried away by the excitement, and sure, he bought a share! Two weeks every year in a genuine pyramid — who can say no to that? Plus it’s an investment property you can sell for a profit later on! Well, it turned out this “pyramid” was just a double-wide in a “resort community” outside Sedona with a kitschy Egyptian Revival theme for the decor, and the pool in the development wasn’t even working. And there really isn’t much of a secondary market for timeshares, as he discovered! He’s been burned before, is what I’m saying, and he’s looking forward to learning more about this … lost temple, but until he gets a look at it, don’t expect him to get his wallet out.

Blondie, 6/1/18

Hmm, the question that’s about to become really important is exactly which kind of Cromwell Mr. Dithers just fired: a Thomas, who after years of faithful service to his sovereign was outmaneuvered politically and beheaded without trial? Or an Oliver, who raised up a New Model Army to do the unthinkable: defeat his king in battle and bring about his execution?

Beetle Bailey, 6/1/18

If Beetle Bailey abruptly became the story of a rogue U.S. Army sergeant funneling military weapons to the Animal Liberation Front, who used them in a string of violent attacks on cosmetics testing facilities and factory farms, I honestly wouldn’t be mad at all!

Mary Worth, 6/1/18

I’m sorry, if you’re not getting a little misty-eyed here, you have no heart to speak of and I bid you good day