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Blondie, 5/30/25

Here’s a joke for you: a guy with a master’s degree in ancient history and a guy with an MFA in poetry were coworkers once, back in the late ’90s. The punchline is that they were coworkers as office temps doing filing at a professional association for orthodontists. Obviously they chatted to occupy their overeducated brains while putting resumes in alphabetical order, and the guy with the ancient history degree (me) somehow got onto the topic of the Steve Miller song “Take The Money And Run,” and how it’s a crime that in one verse it rhymes “Texas,” “facts is,” “justice,” and “taxes.” The university-trained poet, to be contrary, insisted this was (in a phrase that is burned forever in my brain) “a slant rhyme, like Emily Dickinson would use.” I didn’t buy it then and I don’t buy it now, so sorry, Elmo, it’s a good try but “screens” and “memes” don’t quite rhyme either. Also, are teachers actually showing angry memes to children? I was going to argue this point too, but you know what, a lot of teachers are pretty young, and as an old person, I have decided that any conflicts between Zoomers and Gen Alpha or whatever we’re calling the children now are none of my business. I’m holding the line on the rhyme thing, though.

Mary Worth, 5/30/25

After finally catching Belle in an act of total madness, Wilbur has now decided that she should leave, actually! How is he going to make that happen? Well, he’s not sure about that one. He’s mostly an “ideas guy.” Maybe Dawn can fill in the details.

Family Circus, 5/30/25

I love that we get a good look at the other kids outside, just vibing and enjoying the Jeffy-free lifestyle. Once Jeffy deliberately hid from their sight, this became the best day of their whole week!

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Mary Worth 5/26/25

OK, sorry, it’s very funny that Wilbur’s instinct upon stumbling onto this perfectly insane scene is to address not Belle, his girlfriend/sex partner/whatever who is capable of understanding and responding to normal human speech, but rather his fish, who is not. I guess he really does love that fish and/or is untethered from reality, ha ha! Speaking of which, check out those pinprick constricted pupils on Belle. Clearly she was neither kissing nor preparing to eat Willa, but was rather somehow getting high from interacting with the fish, using some advanced technique currently known only to Florida men and women.

Blondie, 5/26/25

Ha ha, it’s funny because the Bumsteads are in a financially desperate state, and Dagwood has turned to gambling in a last-ditch effort to pay the family bills!

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 5/25/25

Every once in a while, I get frustrated with myself for not being able to remember my parents’ anniversary, or the names of people I’ve met socially on multiple occasions, but then on days like today I realize that those parts of my brain are being put to much more important uses, like remembering Slylock Fox puzzles from 2008 so I can immediately recognize when they get repeated. Today’s strip uses the same fake-Weirdly-hunger-strike gimmick as the previous version, but includes all new art, including the particularly grotesque detail of a duck cop sneeringly offering the Count a hot dog. In a world full of sapient pigs and cows, Weirdly may be refusing to eat primarily because he fears he’s being entrapped into a crime much graver than his usual misdemeanors.

Mary Worth, 5/25/25

I think we all kind of knew Belle was going to kill Willa, but I don’t think any of us expected her to eat her. I guess she saw Wilbur demonstrating genuine affection for his little fish friend and decided that she would need to actually consume her rival in order to gain Willa’s totemic power and transfer Wilbur’s affections to her. “But if that’s her M.O., why would she repeatedly try to poison Dawn, then?” you’re probably asking. “Wouldn’t that just befoul the meat?” That presumes Wilbur has ever displayed as much warmth for his daughter as he has for his fish, and I simply don’t believe that’s the case.