Archive: Mary Worth

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Mary Worth, 12/10/17

Ah, now we know why Wilbur couldn’t go out to eat with Dawn: He had decided to settle down in his comfy clothes and give Iris what she had been missing, which is to say Wilbur! He calls her in his robe because he’s offering dinner but he’s expecting her to say that he should just come to her apartment right away and let her run her hands all over his body, from his ankle stubble to his combover. Anyway, if Mary Worth just wants to show us Wilbur’s heart being broken, over and over again, you better believe I’m 100% on board.

Dick Tracy, 12/10/17

I feel like the fact that Honeymoon Tracy and Mr. Bribery’s niece are friends has been established earlier but I don’t actually remember the details, like if either them knows the other one is on the other side of the law family-wise or what. I just want to point out that despite Neo-Chicago’s notorious Tough On Crime policies, the MALL is still a violent Scorsese-esque nightmare, with dudes weilding enormous knives just lurking in hallways waiting to rob unsuspecting teens.

Dennis the Menace, 12/10/17

Not sure what’s more menacing: Dennis casually admitting that he knows the Wilsons are increasingly senile and don’t notice when he takes their stuff, or Dennis putting a guilt trip on his mom when she tries to sneak out for a few blessed hours of non-Dennis time.

Family Circus, 12/10/17

The kids look like they’re about to beat Big Daddy Keane into a Christmas gang.

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Mary Worth, 12/9/17

Aw, Wilbur’s come back to town with the intention of winning his old love back, if “implementing his last-ditch murder-suicide plan” counts as winning his old love back, which, for the record, it very much does not.

Mark Trail, 12/9/17

That is definitely the face of a man who spent a long trans-Atlantic flight with a whole bunch of extremely pointy diamonds in his lower GI tract.

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Crankshaft, 12/6/17

Every year Crankshaft takes a job as a mall Santa, and every year he’s a sullen dick about it, like he always is about everything. This year the mall closed down, though, and Crankshaft felt bad about that, presumably because he missed being cruel to children. Now it appears Lillian has hired him to play Santa in the unlicensed book store she runs over her garage, which as far as I know has never had a customer, so I guess she just wants him to sit there scowling in the suit all day while she putters around, which I dearly hope is not a sex thing.

Mary Worth, 12/6/17

“I just made a very expensive purchase and our entertainment budget is a bit crimped at the moment. On a completely unrelated note, what would you say the resale value of, just to pick something at random, all of our kitchen appliances would be?”

Funky Winkerbean, 12/6/17

I bet when you give this tour in Memphis, when you get to this part you have old white people loudly finishing your sentences for you and trying to change the subject a lot.