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Crankshaft, 8/1/13

I’m a little disappointed about Crankshaft’s insufferable he-yuppie neighbor’s poor grasp of economics. Agricultural jobs as a rule aren’t shipped overseas; agribusinesses are protected by tariffs and then resort to hiring the cheapest labor they can possibly find, often in the form of easy-to-exploit undocumented immigrants. Insufferable she-yuppie neighbor at least undersands that changing the formula so that work is done by old ladies makes for a poor business model.

Marvin, 8/1/13

Good lord, look at Marvin’s smug little smile in panel three. He’s all in favor of a gender-defined division of labor because he knows the patriarchy will be working to his benefit soon enough and because it gives him extra time to stew in his own poop. If he gets to ruin someone else’s sex life in the process, that’s just a bonus.

Mary Worth, 8/1/13

Yes, Mary Worth’s Sonoran Desert Heal-A-Thon continues to happen! Good news: As you can tell by Mary and June’s weird poses and increasingly rambling dialogue, the peyote is finally starting to kick in.

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Mary Worth, 7/26/13

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date with Mary Worth Brings The Healing, but … it’s been mostly like this? Mary wants to be remembered well after her death, like her husband, who I’m reasonably sure hasn’t gotten more than a sentence or two’s worth of attention in this strip for more than ten years.

Apartment 3-G, 7/26/13

“So you resisted all treatment from medical professionals for your debilitating mental illness and then … things got better? That’s a scenario that plays out all the time, right?” Man, sometimes Lu Ann really works to make sure we all remember she’s the “dumb one” in this strip.

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Archie, 7/22/13

Wow, I thought Jughead was a compulsive eater because he needed to fill the hole inside him where emotional intimacy should be, but apparently there’s this whole other twisted sadism angle to it too! Notice that Jughead isn’t just condemning this delicious burrito to a gory execution in his mouth, but rather to indefinite detention and torture in his digestive tract, casting himself in the role of some kind of mobile Sarlacc Pit. Does he chuckle to himself, imagining the poor burrito slowly being dissolved in his stomach, screaming in agony and begging for a quicker death? The long string of saliva dribbling from his mouth in panel two adds to the horror. Archie and Betty are right to leave him alone during this disturbing episode.

Family Circus, 7/22/13

I think the thing that bothers me most about Billy’s latest smug-bomb is not that he believes his thoughts are actually valuable, but that he’s dropped the first syllable from “economy,” like he thinks that’s cute or something. “Sorry, grandma, but in this ’conomy we don’t have time to pronounce ‘economy.’ There are valid reasons for this, but if you want to find out what they are, you’re gonna have to pay me.”

Mary Worth, 7/22/13

Hey, Mary, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life or anything, but when you’re saying “I remember when I became a widow … it seems like it was only yesterday,” probably you shouldn’t be rubbing your hands together gleefully.