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Mary Worth, 6/11/23

Yes, blah blah, Saul breaks down sobbing because his beloved Greta has become bait for for fighting dogs (DO NOT WORRY, THERE IS ZERO CHANCE THAT A DOG IS GOING TO DIE HORRIBLY IN A MARY WORTH PLOT, GRETA WILL BE FINE), but what I want to focus on is that Mary sets this up with “I was reading the paper, and also watching the news on television.” We get it Mary, you have a diverse and varied news diet (made up of sources that were widely known before before 2001 or so).

Bizarro, 6/11/23

I know that the “oh, is there a Mrs. Potato Head?” genre of joke is tempting, but — and I’m sorry to be a killjoy — it would work a lot better if not for the fact that there is a Mrs. Potato Head, and she was introduced as part of the Potato Head extended universe in 1953, just a year after Mr. Potato Head debuted, and she appeared, voiced by Estelle Harris, most famous for playing George’s mother on Seinfeld, in three different Toy Story movies. That said, I appreciate the route this strip took with it, which is to imagine a human woman married to a literal plastic toy, whose eyes sometimes fall out when you’re in bed with it, as you would expect them to.

Family Circus, 6/11/23

Gotta go with Dolly as having the best imagination of the Keane Kids here. She’s dreaming of unleashing some ancient Pharaonic curse onto her family, and frankly I’m rooting for her.

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Mary Worth, 6/10/23

Look, I am a huge animal lover. My wife and I have two cats that we dote on and spend a probably unreasonable amount of time thinking and talking about. We also trapped and neutered many feral cats who made their way through our neighborhood, and three of them now live in our yard full-time, and we feed them even though none of them will lower themselves to allow us to pet them or anything. If any of them were to disappear one day (something that is inevitably going to happen with the ferals), I would be devastated. And yet even in my grief, I would never assume that the fate of one of these beloved creatures would ever be worthy of coverage on the local news. I’m sorry, I know Santa Royale isn’t a big media market like Los Angeles, but there simply isn’t a news day slow enough for this.

Judge Parker, 6/10/23

Remember when Sophie was a weird tween and used her telescope to spy on her sister doing “that tongue thing” with a long-forgotten boyfriend? She sure took it all in stride then, just wryly smiling at the thought of it, though I guess it’s a little more surprising to physically stumble into your recently divorced parents making out than it would be to observe the human mating process from a safe distance through a specialized scientific instrument.

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Mary Worth, 6/8/23

Looks like Santa Royale Action News has gotten wind of the van-based dognapping gang haunting the region, and thank goodness they’re interviewing this nice lady instead of Saul. People are going to see her on TV and think “Oh no! Our city’s pets and their owners are being victimized! We must stop at no expense to defeat these evil criminals!” If they had seen Saul, their reaction would be more “Honey, get in here, there’s a little dude in a bowtie on the news! Ha ha, he’s blubberin’ about his dog or something.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/8/23

As we discussed, Niki may have given up his cool hairstyle, but I’m happy to report that his mom is sticking with hers. She knows that Daryl Hannah’s chracter in Blade Runner was the pinnacle of fashion and she simply has no interest in making any changes at this time. Did she also stick with her meth manufacturing business? Probably not, right? 2023-ear Niki looks like a narc, I’m assuming he scared her straight.

The Lockhorns, 6/8/23

Leroy is, canonically, a Reddit guy, so you can see why he finds the fact that Loretta has paid $8 for a blue Twitter check so embarrassing. Obviously he’s not a fan of most of the stuff she does but you can see an even deeper contempt in his eyes than usual here.

Pluggers, 6/8/23

This phrase most of you associate with playful, youthful sexuality? To pluggers, it means pain, physical pain that they don’t trust anyone to diagnose or treat. This one is, uh, a little much, guys.