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Apartment 3-G, 1/12/12

Welp, as I predicted on Sunday, Ruby is Lu Ann’s bio-mom (I don’t deserve much credit for this, as it was telegraphed fairly loudly). And now it’s all over but the copious weeping, and soul-searching, and family recriminations! Shouldn’t take more than a year or two. However, before we get started, I think it’s worth showing the panel from last Friday that started this hilarious and heart-breaking misunderstanding:

I dearly, dearly hope that Lu Ann’s comment is never explained again, just for confusing larfs. “Poor Lu Ann, it must be terrible to not understand one’s true heritage! Hmm, why is the name ‘Dr. Howard’ sticking in my mind? Is it important? Enh, probably not.”

This shocking revelation about Ruby this week has made me wonder if this whole thing was planned out from the moment she was introduced more the four years ago, which made me dip into my archives to see where my first mention of her was. All I can say is that I’m apparently pretty smart about this stuff.

Mary Worth, 1/12/12

Yes, Mary, we all know that your plan to bring Emily back to your hovel in the woods and bake her into a pie is finally coming to fruition, but perhaps you shouldn’t look so transparently gleeful about it?

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Beetle Bailey, 1/10/12

Since all of the soldiers at Camp Swampy have long stopped being scared of or even vaguely impressed by Sarge’s bluster as a result of decades of exposure to it, we occasionally need an outsider character to show that he’s still a terrifying monster of shouting. We get that today with this poor plumber, who appears to be in a state of advanced psychological shock, or maybe having some kind of fear-seizure.

Gil Thorp, 1/10/12

Oh, man, this is great! Milford’s mildly dodgy tattoo parlor is clearly going to be the origin of every mildly dodgy vice in town, including … knockoff DVDs! I’m not sure who those actors on the cover of TITHNIC are, but I’m guessing they’re named something like “Mutt Damone” and “Kathy Winslow”.

Mary Worth, 1/10/12

Yes, yes, Emily Smith has been saved from a horrible fate, blah blah blah, but what I mainly want to say is: if you can look at the hilarious chase scene going on in the background of panel one and not hear “Yakety Sax” playing in your head, you’re a better person than I am.

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Mary Worth, 12/8/11

I swore a blood oath to myself that I wouldn’t discuss Mary Worth until something happened, and now something has, so here you go! Anyway, Mary has proved herself history’s greatest hero by physically blocking the door briefly to give the cops long enough to arrive and apprehend our kidnapper. Bonus points for really trying to get into the depraved criminal’s head with her “That young girl you’ve kidnapped sure is attractive, you’ve definitely made the right choice there” technique. Look for Mary’s sense of self-regard to reach levels that scientists had hitherto believed to be impossible.

Apartment 3-G, 12/8/11

Oh my goodness you guys, is … is Ruby Lu Ann’s biological mother??? Who maybe got knocked up as a teen and handed over the child to her aunt and uncle to raise? Causing resentment in said aunt and uncle’s biological daughter, and, eventually, in said aunt and uncle themselves? Does this explain the weird family dynamic, and why Ruby showed up in New York a few years ago acting all maternal-like towards Lu Ann? Will Lu Ann and Margo finally find something to bond over (i.e., their sordid, secret parentage), leaving Tommie, presumably the biological child of the married adults who raised her, even more boring and left out than usual?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/8/11

Rex Morgan’s sexy rebellious teen plot has ended with a thwarted rape attempt and a mother-daughter reconciliation (i.e., it ended extremely not sexily), but I do have vague hopes for what’s coming next. Remember, Niki’s mom was a former meth lab tech who Rex hired to work in his clinic and who hasn’t been heard from since. I share Rex’s sense that “she doesn’t do the outdoors” is code for either “she’s in the middle of a six-week cross-country crank-fueled bank robbery spree” or “she’s been dead for weeks and I keep cashing her public assistance checks.” I was going to say that Rex ought to know more details, since he’s her employer and all, but then I remembered that Rex really doesn’t care about other people enough to pay attention to them.

Six Chix, 12/8/11

I know I usually only put up cartoons to make fun of them, but I really love today’s Six Chix! I especially like (a) the fact that only one third of the book group hated this week’s read enough to burn it and (b) that even in their rage these ladies made a makeshift fire pit, possibly out of the top of a barrel, rather than just burning the books in the middle of the floor. There’s no need to make a mess!