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Apartment 3-G, 12/14/10

You might find it hard to believe that Lu Ann is sending out radar waves of pure pleasure at the prospect of a quick trip via PATH train to Hoboken, New Jersey, and may think that that she’s just enjoying the music of the pretty man’s voice without bothering to strain her thinking muscle in an attempt to figure out what his beautiful syllables mean. But remember, this is the girl who practically swallowed her tongue in joy at the prospect of a trip to South Dakota, so clearly she’s easy to please, destination-wise.

Beetle Bailey, 12/14/10

You probably viewed this comic with mild disgust at its content, combined with a certain amount of contempt for its portrayal of bedbugs as large enough to be visible. And of course it’s ludicrous that Sarge would be feeding them cereal, since bedbugs subsist on one and only one thing: blood. Which means that Sarge probably isn’t feeding them cereal at all, and is in fact holding a big bowl of scabs. Oh, did your disgust just get a lot less mild?

Mary Worth, 12/14/10

“You and Scott are meant to be together! You’re right to be sure! And sure to be right! You don’t mind if I hover mere inches away from you and talk to you while you attempt to share an intimate moment at a stressful time, do you? Of course you don’t!”

Zits, 12/14/10

Ha ha, Jeremy’s room smells like a dog pooped in it!

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Mark Trail, 12/12/10

In today’s educational Sunday strip, we learn some crap about Santa and Druids but mostly get to see with our own eyes how uncomfortable Mark gets when his wife is kissing him. “When the last berry is picked, the kissing should end — it must end. Please, please, let it end. Good luck in enduring a lady’s mouth parts touching all of your mouth parts!”

Mary Worth, 12/12/10

Mary’s intrigued by Jill’s M.O. “Instead of bottling her emotions up deep inside, she just lets loose with stream of invective! What compels her to be so open about her negative thoughts? Could this technique be learned? Must … find out …”

Spider-Man, 12/12/10

If I’m ever involved in some kind of superhero team-up, I hope at some point I get to say “I figured you could handle him — while I looked after the ladies.” That’s because I’m a ladies man! And also a coward.

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Panel from Mark Trail, 12/10/10

Let’s cap off a hilarious week in Mark Trail with this hilarious panel! Longtime Trail readers know that the idea of Mark having sex with anyone is utterly laughable, but this panel pretty much seems to tease us with the concept of a Mark-Kelly tryst, as Mark tidies himself up and Kelly offers the first T&A cheesecake shot ever to involve a polo shirt and mom jeans. Our first clue that something is amiss is that Mark is combing his hair. Mark’s hair doesn’t require anything like “combing” for maintenance! It’s a single ink-black unit that hugs his head, needing only the occasional regreasing. Clearly we’ve slipped into some sort of parallel universe, or perhaps are seeing only the images in Kelly’s fevered imagination.

Panel from Mary Worth, 12/10/10

And let’s cap off a hilarious week in Mary Worth with this poignant panel, as two strong men attempt to drag Jill out to the back alley and she desperately pushes her face back into the reception hall, trying to get in one last cuss word. You have to admire her stamina, and her determination to save Adrian from herself. “*@^%$#!” she shouts, as if this is the “*@^%$#” that’s going to push Adrian over the edge and get her to realize that marriage really is all a scam. “Yeah, what am I doing, committing my life to this guy,” Adrian thinks. “*@^%$#ing A!”

Apartment 3-G, 12/10/10

Because of Apartment 3-G’s weird fashions, which seem to be representative of no particular era or cultural milieu, it’s hard to get a sense of exactly how old the main characters are supposed to be. Well, here’s your proof: they’re somewhere around 13.