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Gil Thorp, 8/18/10

I feel like I’m turning into one of those old people who are always whining about how much better things used to be in the Old Days, when you could get drunk at lunch on weekdays and children were allowed to work in garment factories, but: summer used to mean something in Gil Thorp, man. It meant total madness. Remember 2007? Coach Kaz pimped himself out as a freelance badass and Gil taught a one-legged kid to box, in the same year? The seasons used to follow a predictable, stately rhythm: football, basketball, baseball/softball, lunacy.

But in 2010, this has now been downgraded to football, basketball, baseball/softball, golf. This summer hasn’t even had a hilarious b-plot to distract us from the annoying overbearing-father-cheating-on-golfing-son’s-behalf bull hockey we’ve been subjected to. Today’s the first time in nearly a month I’ve felt any compulsion to comment on the strip, and it’s just to note that Gil, having against all odds defeated the evil overbearing dad with his usual half-assed psychological warfare techniques, has decided to reward himself by getting blotto and watching the young people he’s ostensibly supposed to be coaching from the safe distance of the golf course’s clubhouse.

Mary Worth, 8/18/10

Wow, remember yesterday when I made a very silly and totally unrealistic joke about Richie getting gunned down in a drive-by? Well, it turns out that I can kill comics characters with my mind. Whom shall I mark for death next? Marvin? Brad DeGroot? Marvin and Brad in some kind of murder-suicide pact?

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Mary Worth, 8/17/10

Mary Worth has definitely been missing a certain something lately, and that something is frolicking. Earlier this year we got a few delightful days of Wilbur and his not-son frolicking in the woods; today, we are treated to a flashback of Dr. Mike’s dad and his cousin Richie proving that one can frolic in urban settings as well. As we all know, the best way to show that you’re having a good time is by means of ludicrously exaggerated gesticulation. Unfortunately, the thug driving that car will see them waving their hands and arms about, mistake the gestures for gang signs, and spray them with bullets. Watching Richie bleed to death in front of him will send Lonnie into the emotional tailspin that ended with the shattered man we saw lurching out of the bushes last week.

I notice that Richie is wearing the Han Solo-style outfit so beloved by characters in Apartment 3-G. I wonder if this is a message of solidarity from Mary Worth artist Joe Giella to A3G artist and fellow eightysomething comic book artist turned soap strip toiler Frank Bolle during the fashion escalation that is the makeover storyline. “Stay strong!” the vest is saying, symbolically. “Vests are cool, and people do wear them in real life. Margo will wear that vest again, some day!”

Luann, 8/17/10

Normally Mrs. DeGroot is on high alert to protect her children’s chastity, but the fact that Luann and Quill are sequestering themselves in Brad’s old room puts her mind at ease. On assumes that the pall of apathy and self-loathing that Brad left behind him still hangs thick in the air. It’s where erotic urges go to die.

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Apartment 3-G, 8/12/10

Well, it looks like I Dressed In The Dark has a little-known sister show, called I Allowed My Hair To Grow In Its Natural Color In The Dark, And Also During When It Was Light Out. I’m not sure where this little scene is supposed to be playing out — I suppose it’s on the IDITD set, and the Monocolored Creepy Staring Background Guy, of the sort well known in this strip, is one of the grips or something. Still, it’s weird that the cameras aren’t rolling, as this sort of moment — Kat’s eyebrow arched cruelly, Lu Ann goggle-eyed with terror — is pretty much what reality TV is for.

Mary Worth, 8/12/10

Oh, look, Mike’s dad exists after all! I was beginning to suspect that perhaps he had died years ago, and Fred was keeping his mouldering corpse in his bedroom and cashing his Social Security checks. Actually, based on today’s strip, that might still be the case: the expressionless face, the shuffling walk, the tattered, colorless clothes, and Mike’s expression of sheer terror all point to Lonnie here actually being a zombie reanimated through dark magic.

Blondie, 8/12/10

The weirdest thing about Alexander’s outfit is that, with its bow tie and giant buttons, it’s sort of a less dignified version of Dagwood’s usual work outfit. But, as this strip demonstrates, dignity has never been particularly high on Dagwood’s priority list.