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Mary Worth, 6/10/23

Look, I am a huge animal lover. My wife and I have two cats that we dote on and spend a probably unreasonable amount of time thinking and talking about. We also trapped and neutered many feral cats who made their way through our neighborhood, and three of them now live in our yard full-time, and we feed them even though none of them will lower themselves to allow us to pet them or anything. If any of them were to disappear one day (something that is inevitably going to happen with the ferals), I would be devastated. And yet even in my grief, I would never assume that the fate of one of these beloved creatures would ever be worthy of coverage on the local news. I’m sorry, I know Santa Royale isn’t a big media market like Los Angeles, but there simply isn’t a news day slow enough for this.

Judge Parker, 6/10/23

Remember when Sophie was a weird tween and used her telescope to spy on her sister doing “that tongue thing” with a long-forgotten boyfriend? She sure took it all in stride then, just wryly smiling at the thought of it, though I guess it’s a little more surprising to physically stumble into your recently divorced parents making out than it would be to observe the human mating process from a safe distance through a specialized scientific instrument.

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Mary Worth, 6/8/23

Looks like Santa Royale Action News has gotten wind of the van-based dognapping gang haunting the region, and thank goodness they’re interviewing this nice lady instead of Saul. People are going to see her on TV and think “Oh no! Our city’s pets and their owners are being victimized! We must stop at no expense to defeat these evil criminals!” If they had seen Saul, their reaction would be more “Honey, get in here, there’s a little dude in a bowtie on the news! Ha ha, he’s blubberin’ about his dog or something.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/8/23

As we discussed, Niki may have given up his cool hairstyle, but I’m happy to report that his mom is sticking with hers. She knows that Daryl Hannah’s chracter in Blade Runner was the pinnacle of fashion and she simply has no interest in making any changes at this time. Did she also stick with her meth manufacturing business? Probably not, right? 2023-ear Niki looks like a narc, I’m assuming he scared her straight.

The Lockhorns, 6/8/23

Leroy is, canonically, a Reddit guy, so you can see why he finds the fact that Loretta has paid $8 for a blue Twitter check so embarrassing. Obviously he’s not a fan of most of the stuff she does but you can see an even deeper contempt in his eyes than usual here.

Pluggers, 6/8/23

This phrase most of you associate with playful, youthful sexuality? To pluggers, it means pain, physical pain that they don’t trust anyone to diagnose or treat. This one is, uh, a little much, guys.

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Mary Worth, 6/5/23

Haha, remember how when Saul Wynter was first introduced to this strip, Toby made a big show of not liking him, and when his original, pre-Greta dog died, Toby reported the news with a certain amount of — well, not glee, exactly, but the vibe was less “this is a true tragedy” than “ha ha, an old man is emotionally in turmoil, can’t wait to relay this little morsel of gossip!” So anyway, that’s why Mary has to emphasize to her that “Look, if you see the dog, do not just say to yourself, ‘Oh, that’s Saul’s dumb little dog,’ and then go on with your day, and when Ian sees that you have a little smile and asks you what you’re thinking about you just say ‘Oh, nothing.’ Please tell me, OK?”

Blondie, 6/5/23

Look, I’m not going to say that I would pay $200 a week for lawn maintenance, but I don’t have a huge suburban lawn and an HOA that would threaten to put a lein on my house if the grass was longer than half an inch like the Bumsteads probably do. I also feel like any time Blondie brings up the question of pricing for the sort of services that upper-middle-class people might avail themselves of, the attitude is usually “Oh, you think your labor has value? You think your riding mower is a capital expense for your business that needs to be recouped, rather than the fun toy that I would treat it as if I owned it? Well an exaggerated version of you is about to be cut down to size in a nationally syndicated newspaper comic strip that I inherited, buddy!”