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CsOTW momentarily, but first, a couple of notes. I don’t usually read the Sunday Archie because I can’t be bothered to hunt out the non-King Features comics on Sunday, but apparently last month’s in-strip AJGLU-3000 reference was not to be the last, as this panel demonstrates:

Oh vain AJGLU-3000! You try to convince us that you are a sleek, modern laptop, when we all know you look something like this:

Also! You have just one more day left to vote in the 2008 Worthy Awards, put together by faithful reader Wanders! Help reward and punish the best and worst Mary Worth comics of 2008!

And now, your comment of the week!

“I will never get tired of the kerchiefs on all of Lu Ann’s relatives. I can only assume that they dress alike just in case they accidentally get separated in a crowd.” –Sheila Sternwell

And the runners-up! SUPER FUNNY!

“‘I know what Eric wants … but I dread the very thought of it!’ What, does he want to get on top?” –Pozzo

“The joke in Barney Google — about how nobody at a book-club meeting has actually read the book — has already been made by every more upscale comic strip in existence. The only things that make this one different are the parts you don’t see: Instead of sipping white wine, they’re passing around a jug of corn whiskey marked with three X’s — and instead of a book recommended by Oprah, they’re reading a novelization of The Beverly Hillbillies carved into a slab of wood with a pocket knife.” –BigTed

“I like Old Mary better than New Mary. She’s slightly pudgier and doesn’t look as if she’s about to suck her nose right back into the nasal cavity, then swallow it.” –Angry Kem

“I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on in these so-called cliffhangers: Margo is deeply shaken by a message referencing a conversation Eric had with a friend in which he asserted that Margo’s roommates really should be invited to the wedding; Rana has not seen the cheerleading notice (which by the way merely announces that the entire squad has contracted cheerleading cancer), she just read Pluggers; and Patty really didn’t have a problem in the first place, she was just supposed to keep Cherry occupied while the police searched for Rusty’s body. Meanwhile, in today’s Mary Worth, ‘Frank Griffin continues to explain his behavior’ may be the most self-aware narration box I’ve ever seen.” –Violet

“I can’t believe it took four people to write an hour-long Snuffy Smith film. I’d like to examine those timesheets carefully.” –Joe Blevins

“Lots of folks have been wondering where the hell Rusty is, lately. What do you think that old man is serving on that platter? Pancakes?” –LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY

“Cherry’s eyes are flesh colored. WHAT th’??!! Actually, almost everything in panel two is flesh colored. The walls, the curtains, the pancakes. The picture. Doc’s hair. Their flesh. EWWWW.” –Lisa

“Something has gone horribly — and I mean Gil Thorp-level horribly — wrong with Rex’s cheekbones.” –Master Softheart

“By the way, what color is that drape? Pinkish flesh colored drapes SCREAM bachelor … or serial killer with a penchant for skinning his victims for lampshades, pancakes, drapes, etc.” –OKStan

“Whatever, you do, man-bird behind the counter, do not answer the wizard bird’s question — because then he will know all the answers to all of life’s riddles — you are our last line of defense against this fiend acquiring this keystone of information that will make him all knowing — and therefore all powerful — in short, he will become a GOD — a wrathful, angry, escaped-mental-patient GOD. Save us — withhold all your knowledge of trans-dimensional automobile related ordinances!” –Bobdog of the Jungle Patrol, Not an Elephant

“Cody’d better watch it, man. Lu Ann is not the innocent little prairie flower she once was. I imagine in any extended exchange, Lu Ann will soon be showing her true, Big-City Sophisticate colors: ‘So, what do you do for fun around these parts nowadays? Hey, SLOW DOWN, pal! My LAST boyfriend was a DRUG FIEND who got SHOT DOWN in a JUNKIE BRAWL! I like what you’ve done with your neckerchief — it’s awesomely kicky! STEP OFF OR I SHIV YOU, DOOD!! Dad’ll be home any time now. YOU GOTTA FIX? MOMMA NEEDS TO SPARKLE!!!’” –mojo

“I love how in Apartment 3-G, characters are defined by an accessory and vaguely different hair colour. ‘A cowboy, huh? We’ll put him in a Paul Lynde neckerchief and call it a day!'” –Phoebe

“Lu Ann’s words say she’s getting used to being home alone. Her expression says she’s getting used to drawing the carving knife across the sharpening steel — slowly, methodically, purposefully, hour after hour, as the light in the kitchen passes imperceptibly from late-afternoon gold through twilight blue to pitch black.” –Spunde

“Speaking as a hardy Midwesterner, I can tell you that there is precious little dignity to be found here. Unless by ‘dignity’ you mean ‘Outback Steakhouse,’ and by ‘too much’ you mean ‘one on every corner.’ In that case, yes, we have that.” –Meanwhile

“I’m an East Coast guy so cannot say for sure, but I think the fact that all men in South Dakota apparently wear bandanas around their necks would make me want to choke many of them, with their own fine neckwear.” –AMSTERDANG

“With Frank and Lynn’s embrace, Mary’s meddling will be complete, a singularity will open up between them to swallow the whole earth, leaving only Mary’s giant, undying head slowly revolving around the Sun, gazing unblinkingly outward into the deeps of space, unceasingly searching the stars for other civilizations whose petty (dare I say, ‘human’?) faults can only be corrected through absolute annihilation.” –Comrade Denny

“I don’t really think that’s an ‘Aha!’ gesture. It looks more like Billy is programming an invisible microwave. He’s reliving that glorious moment earlier this day when he heated up his soup.” –Laura c

“Billy’s got that look on his face that shows that, at long last, he understands. He gets it! He reaches! Yes, he’s finally figured out which end of that pencil to use. There’s no stopping him now. Watch out for Billy, world!” –Muffaroo

“Also, I see that the vomit-worthy tendency of the FC kids to use ‘adorable’ malapropisms has spread to their parents. Maybe they all have brain damage. I mean … uh … ‘rain cabbage.’ HA HA HA” –Canaduck

“Next up, Sophie presents a dry cleaning bill for $100 and brings some ‘special’ brownies for the cheerleading squad. Hilarity then ensues, esp. when they try to form a human pyramid.” –Calico

“Jeffy CAN SO go to college! Probably as a cadaver, or maybe a security guard.” –trey le parc

“See? Lu Ann’s so boring, we’ve returned to New York, where Tommie’s date was so boring it was skipped altogether. Apartment 3-G: where you never have to see a thing.” –True Fable

I must also give a huge thanks to those who put money in my tip jar! And our advertisers are the greatest:

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For reasons that I cannot explain, terrible hillbilly stereotype Snuffy Smith and his kin have been popping up more frequently than usual here of late. Thus, I suppose it’s appropriate to preface this week’s COTW with a couple of interesting bits of Snuffiana from readers. First up is the title sequence from the (hopefully short-lived) Snuffy Smith animated cartoon, in which the title character lets loose a series of squawks that will haunt your dreams:

When you hear “Aw Aw AWWW” in your head over and over again for the next six to eight weeks, you can thank faithful reader Muffaroo.

Since surely that’s only whetted your appetite for all things Snuffy, I now present to you, thanks to faithful reader Jeff and the good folks at Archive.org, the first Snuffy Smith full-length film, 1942’s Private Snuffy Smith, in which our hero joins the army to defeat the forces of Fascism and make the world safe for democracy escape the revenuers.

Even the comely she-rustic in the first scene couldn’t get me through more than five minutes of this, but perhaps you’ll have more stamina. Sadly, Archive.org has not archived this film’s sequel, the awesomely titled Hillbilly Blitzkrieg.

Also, in non-Snuffy Smith news, faithful reader Proco was kind enough to send some scans from The Comics: An Illustrated History of Comic Strip Art, a 1974 book he picked up at a used book sale. Please enjoy this 1959 strip, in which Mary Worth smugly enjoys the debasement of her defeated enemy Connie, only to stiffen in shock when the woman tries to touch her.

And, finally, remember that you still have a few more hours to vote in the 2008 Weblog Awards! Don’t forget to vote for me for Best Humor Blog, Medium Large for Best Comic Strip, and the The Bilerco Project for LGBT blog.

And now, with all that out of the way: the COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Do you think Mark even knows that he’s married? Maybe he’s holding out hope that Cherry, like most of the other visitors in his home, will eventually regain her strength and find her way back to her natural habitat. That look in the last panel seems to say ‘Oh, no! That one’s still here! And her scent is beginning to attract others of her species.'” –One-Eyed Wolfdog

And the runners up:

“So the moral of this years Curtis Kwanzaa fable is ‘if you don’t want to vomit three-eyed frogs, be sure to feed cheese to the tree stump.’ It’s like Aesop, if he’d suffered a catastrophic head wound and developed aphasia.” –fillmoreeast

“A chair with a purse perched atop it screams ‘Bachelor’ to Margo? That may explain why she’s still unmarried. And I don’t mean because furniture shouts at her, although that’s also not a bad explanation for a lot of things about Margo.” –DaveyK

“At least today’s The Phantom shows us how to aggressively hold a flashlight at someone/thing.” –kelsey

Spider-Man: “No Electro! Don’t Electrocute me! And no, Murdero! Don’t Murder me! But as for you, Fellatio…” –lettuce

“Oh, Harry. These kids are in Funky Winkerbean. They know they’re not invulnerable to anything.” –Just Me

“Man, that Frank Griffin sure doesn’t give a lot, does he? The absolute farthest he is willing to go is ‘I didn’t want Greg to die.’ ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Lynn. I didn’t necessarily specifically wish for your only friend to die horribly per se. I would have been perfectly content to see him, say, imprisoned or shot into space.'” –Violet

“I do have to applaud Moy for making Frank such a cartoonishly horrible person that we cheer for Mary and her meddling, life-wrecking ways. That’s art, man.” –Zaq

“Reference to Hootin’ Holler + reference to Mark and bestiality + owl’s knowing look = Kruegeresque nightmares lasting well into the spring.” –Patrick

“Sam Driver, the Deepak Chopra of total emotional insensitivity, is giving us a master class in numbness right there in panel 3. ‘Yeah, yeah … face, knife … uh-huh … sounds rough … Say, is there a Jamba Juice around here?'” –Joe Blevins

“Say what you will about Judge Parker, but the artist has perfectly captured every detail of an attractive-looking Scottsdale condo building. Does the tourist board know about this? Nice digs, hot policewomen, Sam Driver leaving town…” –BigTed

“What? Mark Trail isn’t written and directed by David Lynch? Then what’s with the weird perspective, the improbable plot twists, the lack of coherent narrative, the leeringly evil mustachioed villains, the wooden and emotionally castrated protagonist, the goofy old men proffering incomprehensible wisdom, the talking animals, and the inscrutable floating Jack Elrod ball? Oh — and the misshapen, lumpen-headed children!?!” –Comrade Denny

“I still think Patty has pubic lice. And if she thinks Mark and Cherry will be any help, she’s crazy. They are both hairless below the neckline, and their blood is pale green and fatal to inverts. That’s why Mark never has to worry about ticks.” –Poteet

“If that box contains a Tiffany engagement ring, it’s the biggest one known to man. Hopefully Eric will hire a sherpa to accompany Margo everywhere and support her bejeweled hand.” –left of the pyle

“Tess’s geometric earlobes match her planar mono-tooth. If I weren’t a real person, I’d totally date her. She’s the most perfect creature ever to escape from 2-dimensional Euclidean space.” –Squid Vicious

“I don’t follow Mark Trail except when it’s posted here, so I may have missed something, but what the hell happened to that kid who looked like Howdy Doody: The Dark Side? Rusty, I think his name was. Did he just wander off into the woods and die? Did Andy eat him? Did our hero chalk it up to natural selection because the kid’s hair wasn’t glossy and rigid enough for the standards of the Lost Forest?” –Calvinball Forever!

“I’ve recently noticed that Curtis’s dad ends all his responses with the word ‘hoot’. It makes me inexplicably angry. LOL.” –Ginger Yellow

“Even more lovable than the baby blue smocks is the featureless subway car and the utterly blank station sign. It’s as if to say, ‘Downtown 4 Express Train to Nowhere, Nowhere At All. Much like all of your careers. And your acrid marriage, Leroy.'” –teddytoad

“I think Lois’ meeting is with the local community theater group … judging from her hat, she’s playing the role of ‘Nipple #2.'” –thehollis

If you have voted with tip jar cash, I thank and salute you! And great balls of fire, our advertisers are bodacious:

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To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

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So, throughout this whole Weblog Awards business, I’ve tried to take the high road, refusing to even acknowledge my competitors for the coveted Best Humor Blog award. I’m modeling my campaign on the greatest of American presidents, Warren G. Harding, who felt that traveling the country seeking votes was beneath his dignity, and instead just had voters shipped in to Ohio to watch him bloviate from his front porch (except I refuse to go out on my porch because it’s cold). However, as all campaigns will, this one has turned ugly, and now I’m going to have to dirty my hands a bit. It seems that one of my opponents, the so-called Bloggess, is spreading scurrilous rumors about me — namely, that I eat kittens and plan to celebrate my inevitable victory with a kitten feast. She’s even made a badge for those who won’t vote for her, and taken her dastardly lies to the Twitter, where I can’t fight back because I can’t even begin to understand the Twitter or how it works, but here’s a picture of those Twitter lies:

Anyway, I would like to state right now, for the record, that I would never, ever eat a kitten. I love all cats, as my own pampered kitty can attest. Instead, once my opposition has been crushed and the award that is rightfully mine has been handed to me, I will celebrate by eating babies.

Seriously, though, you should totally read her blog because it’s very hilarious! And please do not start a blog fight with her commentors! We can all be friends (as long as I win). And I’m not just saying that because she also writes for the Houston Chronicle and could maybe somehow cut me off from my custom comics page. Or because, according to the Twitter, she has naked pictures of me, somehow. And when you’re done enjoying her blog, come back and vote for me, which you can do every 24 hours. Because babies is delicious.

In other Weblog Awards news, Medium Large is, against all odds, within reach of third place in the Best Comic Strip category! Vote for Ces to get a bronze medal! It will help with his self-esteem!

IMPORTANT AD NEWS PLEASE READ THIS: In non-self-congratulatory news, I am about to restore the ads that I removed a couple of days ago. Please e-mail me if anything sketchy happens when you visit this site after this point (i.e. after 8:45 pm eastern time on 1/7) — pop-ups, weird redirects, etc. Thanks. UPDATE: Ads taken back down. Blech.