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Hey everybody, it’s the wee hours of Tuesday morning, so it’s COTW time! But first, as is becoming more and more common, it’s adorable merch picture time. Both of today’s pics come from the future Mrs. Spectacular Spider-Brick, who here is modeling the one of the fine t-shirts bearing the CLAM DOWN logo designed by her beau:

And her kitty loves the logo almost as much in its mousepad form!

Also! There are two comics blogs that I have been meaning to link to for about ever:

  • Mary Worth, Style Mavin takes on the extremely important task of analyzing the fashion in our favorite meddling-biddy-themed soap strip. Not only does blogmistress Tina offer her opinions on the clothes worn by Mary, Toby, and the rest, but she actually creates real-life versions, as you can see here and here.
  • Comics In My Pants proves rather conclusively that every comic strip can be improved by changing the punchline to some variation on the phrase “in my pants”.

And now, here’s this week’s not-in-my-pants top comment!

“Alan’s deep into drug addiction now. Shirt open at the collar, no undershirt seen, and it looks like his cuffs are unbuttoned. Next thing you know, he’ll stop wearing a belt, and maybe let his pants cuffs down an inch. This raw depravity gives me the vapors.” –Muffaroo M. Muffaroo

And the runners-up! So funny!

“Today’s FBOFW would look good on a Hallmark card that had been set on fire and flung into a sewer.” –Angry Kem

“To get pregnant, [Elizabeth] would have had to had contact with Anthony’s junk, which, henceforth, we shall refer to as ‘Little Anthony and the Imperials.'” –Old School Allie Cat

“I can’t wait for the inevitable three-year story arc when Toby and Chinbeard get to Scotland and she’s run over by an oncoming glacier. ‘That ice! It seems to be getting closer. Should I move?'” –Mr. Coffee Nerves

“Toby often uses her credit card to cut up lines of coke, but usually spends cash on her main purchases. Namely, coke.” –Rusty

“I love the confusion on Toby’s face when the bank asks her ‘Did you move to Canada?’ Clearly she doesn’t know. Perhaps she did. How can one tell? Where is Canada? Toby’s mind is on overdrive.” –Gabacho

“There’s something about that ellipsis and subsequent horrified triple exclamation mark in Margo’s speech bubble that suggests very strongly that if she, personally, happened to get any Lu Ann on her hands she would scrub them with a strong disinfectant.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“When our A3G narrator says the sunshine ‘restores Margo’s spirits,’ what he/she/it means is that, of course, liquor stores are usually only open during daylight hours.” –Nate

“Today’s installment of Luann maintains such a precise balance of ‘huh?’ and ‘eww!’ that it’s almost a thing of beauty, except for being dreadful beyond human expression.” –Violet

“Was Dennis menacing? If he whipped it out on the diving board and started doing an ‘out of control firehose’ on the people below, I have to give him a bit of credit — perhaps even a standing ovation for something finally ‘menacing’ after all these years of milquetoasty bits of annoyance. However, I’m betting that he probably simply stood up on the high board, shaking with fear and a miserable look on his face, with a stream of urine running down his leg as some bigger kids lined up on the ladder behind him kept taunting him to jump.” –Frank Parsnip

“I also like that pluggers buy magazines to look at the pictures, thereby subtly, hilariously subverting one of the oldest jokes about illiteracy. Books can’t be found within fifteen miles of this conversation.” –ChargeMan

“I think the duck looks a little irritated with Slylock. Maybe he suspects the way the thief gets across the water is because the thief is a duck. ‘It’s like he doesn’t even see that I’m here,’ he’s thinking. ‘Howabout the next thief steals chickens from a henhouse — how would he like that?'” –Shmork

“Take the wheel, Jeff, I need to gesticulate.” –Red Greenback

A3G has such nice, polite, well-groomed dope fiends. I can only assume their drug of choice is Flintstones chewables.” –Joe Blevins

Also worthy of honorable mention (though far too long to reproduce here in its entirety) is faithful reader Gold-Digging Nanny’s meticulous reconstruction of the last few months of Apartment 3-G storylines, with damning analysis of how they have almost universally failed to live up to their potential.

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You may have noticed for the past few days that I’ve been posting comics very early in the morning, only a few hours after they go live on the Houston Chronicle site. It was almost as if I were somewhere in the Pacific Time Zone, where these comics were available at 10 p.m. It was almost as if I were in San Diego, spending time — oh, I don’t know, maybe making fun of a Spider-Man movie with Mystery Science Theater 3000 alums Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy!

If you’re not familiar with RiffTrax, you’d better get familiar with it, right now! RiffTrax is a project in the spirit of MST3K. It makes a clever end run around the issues of film licensing: you download the hilarious commentary on MP3, and then rent the DVD and watch them together. And on September 5, for a mere $2.99, you’ll be able to listen to one with me!

It will probably not shock you to learn that I’m a huge Mystery Science Theater fan, and that the show really influenced my writing. In terms of living out childhood dreams, probably the only thing that could have topped this would be getting to serve on the U.S.S. Enterprise with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. It was an honor, and it was a blast! Movie Spidey gets into a slightly greater number of tussles with supervillains than newspaper comic strip Spidey, but if anything he whines and mopes even more. I’ll let you all know when the MP3 is up!

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Hi all! As usual for a Monday night COTW post, you’ve got some random stuff to sit through, some of it Anthony-Elizabeth related, ’cause I know you’re all into that! First off, those of you who are the young kids of today and who use the Facebook or whatever might be interested in two Facebook “pieces of flair,” created by faithful reader Holy Prepuce. Show your Facebook friends what you think of Elizabeth’s new groom, here and here!

Also, faithful reader Dan sent me this pic and note:

In honor of the Patterson-Caine wedding, I snapped this photo of a local (Cranston, RI) hair salon that happens (?) to have the same name as the soon-to-be-newlyweds. I’ve never been inside the salon, so I can’t confirm whether they offer mustache grooming services.

Also! In non-foob news, faithful reader Joe sends me this photo and associated missive:

I got two tickets to the Philadelphia folk festival from a friend with the only stipulation being I wear my Fist O’ Justice shirt and send you a picture of me in it at the Folk Fest.

Joe, you have held up your end of the bargain, so here is the pic! You earned those tickets good!

And now, the comment of the week you’ve all been waiting for:

“Toby’s internal monologue about doing what one needs to has inspired the artist in me! Now I’m off to create a bowel movement.” –Mooncattie

Funny yet disgusting, which as you know is what we like around here. Also funny (and in some cases disgusting) are the runners up!

“Considering where the words and pictures land in that thought balloon (and considering their thoroughly effed-up marital dynamic), I’m willing to believe that Toby is actually imagining Ian offering that complimentary paragraph on his own behalf — probably because he actually said it at some point. While not wearing a shirt.” –ChargeMan

“Oh, crap, Ian is Toby’s HUSBAND?!? I’ve only been half paying attention to this storyline and assumed he was a senile uncle or perhaps an old man she sees at the bus stop occasionally and feels sorry for. Thank God this is Mary Worth or this union might have actually been consummated!” –Joe Blevins

“What the hell is she talking about — ‘Life is short?’ She’s a character in Rex Morgan. Every day takes a minimum of three months. She got to Rex’s office early, and has been there maybe an hour, and that’s taken at least a week.” –AMC

I’m seeing patients again. Oh, and I’m also into hair dye and stealing clothes from Deion Sanders.” –Darkefang

Ruby’s hair bow is from The Dick Van Dyke Show’s Rosemarie Collection, size XXL. Earrings by the Home Depot garden center.” –Annon

“I’m still not sure what happened in Gil Thorp. Did he film ninety minutes of countryside? Is the boredom of a bus ride supposed to be a deterrent to playing minor league ball? Is Coach so antiquated that he is unaware of boredom canceling technology like iPods, DVD players, books, and sleeping?” –WillieO

“I love the expression on Jimmy’s face in Panel 1 of Gil Thorp. ‘Two DVDs from Elmer marked “Kalamazoo Bound.” LET’S GRIND IT UP AND SNORT IT!'” –survivor

“I expected ‘Kalamazoo Bound’ to be Elmer’s first attempt at adult erotic cinematography. ‘Hey, Jimmy, here’s a hitchhiker we picked up just outside of Lansing! How d’ya like that rope work?'” –Harold

“If anyone in BGSS were going to be playing an instrument, it’d be a gutbucket, wouldn’t it? Is that squeezed like a bunch of elongated nipples? No, really, I want to know. I played the bassoon, so I haven’t a clue about what hillbillies play. I’m elite like Barack Obama.” –Oddball Cargo

“Also, I do not truly believe that Elizabeth has been ‘giddy,’ ever, in her entire life. That would involve too much unclenching. And ‘tired,’ seriously? Is she practicing for the wedding night?” –goldamarlin

“By the way, I think Grandpa Jim is faking it. Boxcars, that man’s got the right idea. I predict Uncle Phil and several others will follow his lead and soon be having sudden ‘attacks’ and ‘flare-ups,’ excusing themselves from this ritualistic eye poison.” –PeteMoss

“Seriously though, WTF? Teal carnations don’t exist in nature for a reason, y’know.” –The Sparrow

“There have been a lot of clues that Ted Forth is a Comics Curmudgeon reader. But I’d have to say his underemployment has been the big tip-off.” –Edgy DC

The unemployed who put cash in my tip jar deserve special praise! Our advertisers are equally special:

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