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Fast Track, Judge Parker, and Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/13/20

“Well, this worldwide coronavirus pandemic is going to affect people’s ability to travel or gather in large groups, and is even modifying how we greet each other, but probably the whole world won’t be on lockdown with most economic activity suspended by the time these strips run!” –newspaper comic strip creators a few weeks ago, apparently

Between Friends, 4/13/20

“The worldwide coronavirus pandemic will have the greatest impact on our most vulnerable population: horny people who rely on business travel to hook up with sex partners.” –the creators of Between Friends, keeping their eyes on the real issues, as usual

Mark Trail, 4/13/20

I very much love that the Crowleys feel like they have to make a stirring emotional appeal here, rather than just saying, “Well, society frowns on it when you just leave a little boy to die in the woods.” And, you know, I get it! Have you seen Kevin?

Dennis the Menace, 4/13/20

We’ve discussed Dennis’s tentative journey towards literacy before, so now I’m spending a lot more time than I really should contemplating why Dennis sitting at the feet of a girl he normally loudly claims to be unable to stand, waiting for her to do something for him he could probably do himself, and I’m feeling personally menaced by the answers I’m coming up with and what it portends for their relationship post-puberty!

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Six Chix, 3/19/20

I think the joke here is that the mummy is very bad at cooking because he … doesn’t have … eyes? Like, can mummies not see, in the classic horror-movie mummy canon? As near as I can tell, mummies’ traditional powers involve shuffling forward very slowly and moaning, so the fact that they can’t see anything makes them even less scary. Anyway, if I were doing this comic, I’d make the joke about how the mummy is covered with highly flammable linen cloth, preserved over the centuries by the bone-dry Egyptian desert, which would have hilarious results next to a stove’s heating elements, but I guess that’s why I’ve always been deemed “too edgy” for the newspaper funny pages.

Dick Tracy, 3/19/20

DICK TRACY UPDATE: Shaky (remember him?) had his big meetup with the Tracys and ended up getting shot in the shoulder, and now he’s laying low at some criminal safehouse for which he had the keys, except it also happens to be where crime-family-adjacent characters Ugly Crystal and her bio-dad (remember them?) are living. Anyway, this has all been funny because Shaky has been trying to “play it cool” despite slowly bleeding out from his bullet wound, and while it isn’t quite as theatrically awful a death as you would’ve seen in the Dick Locher years of this strip, watching his agony mount has been pretty impressively grim, I’ll say that.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/19/20

Wait, do all the characters in Mother Goose and Grimm live in the Land of Oz? It would explain all the talking animals, I’ll say that much.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/17/20

“Like I said — long story. Pretty boring one, too. I mean, not as boring as the one about how you and your wife had a baby after a moderately difficult pregnancy. Hoo boy, was that a stinker! So, what have you been up to? No, don’t tell me, I’m sure it’s not interesting.”

Crankshaft, 3/17/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because … Lillian forgot the name of the guy who was planning on interviewing her for his podcast? That’s it? That’s the entire joke of this strip? Ha … ha?

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/17/20

Hey, everything’s going crazy, the world is ending, and you know what? Why not put some diaper fetish content in your nationally syndicated newspaper comic? Really, why not! GOD IS DEAD, DO AS THOU WILT