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Daddy Daze, 2/19/20

Daddy Daze Daddy’s long-term plan to teach his baby to destroy … to wreak havoc … to kill … is coming along nicely!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/19/20

Here’s today’s Mother Goose and Grimm! It’s about a dog who just pisses all over a seat in a movie theater.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/19/20

I love how Tildy is staring knowingly over her soda can at Rex in panel two. She may be a little dotty, but she definitely can feel the gears of narrative convenience churning to push her towards an ending of happy heteronormative monogamy, and she does not care for it.

The Lockhorns, 2/19/20

Sure, it’s because Leroy and Loretta, like many cartoon characters, only have four digits on each hand, but I cannot imagine anything more on-brand than the Lockhorns wearing their wedding rings on their middle fingers.

Mark Trail, 2/19/20

“Quick, we’ve got to get out of here, before he finds us!”

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/23/19

At first I thought it was kind of sad that Barney Google was sticking around Hootin’ Holler for Christmas. Doesn’t he have any friends and family, back home in the big city of [refuses to consult Wikipedia], let’s say, Chicago? But then I realized: of course he doesn’t. He’s like 120 years old! He’s watched everyone he’s ever loved grow old and die! The only correct place for him to celebrate another in his infinite string of Christmases is with the Smiths, his fellow immortals.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 12/23/19

Ah yes, the tale of nog,? so scary we had to relegate to to off-panel. Now can we get to the real horror: the tale of these eggs, and what their reproductive cycle is? Why is there a “parent” egg and a “child” egg? Have eggs managed to evolve not only sapience and the desire to tell scary stories to each other, but also the ability to reproduce themselves without a chicken being involved at all? Do they just bud asexually? Do they fuck? Do eggs fuck? And why is there a barn? Why are these eggs in a house but you can see a barn outside, a bar like you’d find on a farm where chickens lay eggs? But in this scenario we’ve established that chickens aren’t necessary, so: what’s going on in the barn? What’s going on in the God-damned barn?

Judge Parker, 12/23/19

In the wacky ways of Hollywood, Neddy and Ronny’s movie about April the CIA assassin has now become a TV show about April the CIA assassin, because viewers love binge-watching high-concept prestige longform storytelling but only go to the movies to see superhero flicks with nine-digit budgets. Anyway, the real question is: will April, who only gave her blessing to a movie version of her life, emerge from hiding and murder everybody, and if so will it happen before or after we get to watch trained actors recreate the famous “work them like a claw” scene from April and Randy’s first date?

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Dick Tracy, 11/26/19

Oh, wow, a couple of beloved comics characters from a cancelled strip are being revived, in … Dick Tracy, what an extremely surprising development! I won’t deny you the pleasure of taking your own journey through Steve Roper and Mike Nomad’s Wikipedia page, in the course of which you’ll learn that it was originally a wacky Native American minstrelsy strip called Big Chief Wahoo that morphed into a hard-hitting adventure strip starring two white guys, written for decades by Allen and John Saunders, the father-son team who also wrote Mary Worth for most of that stretch. I’ll only note that we seem to be out of the strip’s original continuity — its run ended with Roper and Nomad in their 60s and Roper standing over the grave of his dead wife, who divorced him from an insane asylum and gave birth to a daughter she never told him about — and that Proof Magazine (which does investigative reporting and not, like, articles about geometry, I think) must have a rental insurance premium as high as Woods and Wildlife’s if Steve’s extremely chill reaction to his car getting blown up is any indication.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/26/19

I always find it funny when repeated tropes/running gags with some basis in reality just drift further and further from their original germ of truth until they veer into truly nightmarish territory. Like, dogs are territorial animals and sometimes distrust strangers coming onto their turf, which is why they can be aggressive towards postal workers, meter readers, and other outsiders who have reasons to visit hundreds of homes a day; but the form this conflict has taken in the world of Mother Goose and Grimm is that Grimm, a sapient dog who can think in English sentences, hungers for mailman flesh.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/26/19

“They’re all exceptional — in the sense that we had to make exceptions to our policies to hire them, because most of them did very poorly in medical school. Ha! I’m kidding, of course. Fully two-thirds of our patients survive surgeries here, probably you’ll be fine.”

Six Chix, 11/26/19

Oh, this is nice! This lady’s friend is a ballerina and got a high-profile role, so she’s coming out to support her and watch the big performance! If anyone knows what the “joke” in this strip is, I’d love it if you could shoot me an email explaining it to me.