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Six Chix, 3/19/20

I think the joke here is that the mummy is very bad at cooking because he … doesn’t have … eyes? Like, can mummies not see, in the classic horror-movie mummy canon? As near as I can tell, mummies’ traditional powers involve shuffling forward very slowly and moaning, so the fact that they can’t see anything makes them even less scary. Anyway, if I were doing this comic, I’d make the joke about how the mummy is covered with highly flammable linen cloth, preserved over the centuries by the bone-dry Egyptian desert, which would have hilarious results next to a stove’s heating elements, but I guess that’s why I’ve always been deemed “too edgy” for the newspaper funny pages.

Dick Tracy, 3/19/20

DICK TRACY UPDATE: Shaky (remember him?) had his big meetup with the Tracys and ended up getting shot in the shoulder, and now he’s laying low at some criminal safehouse for which he had the keys, except it also happens to be where crime-family-adjacent characters Ugly Crystal and her bio-dad (remember them?) are living. Anyway, this has all been funny because Shaky has been trying to “play it cool” despite slowly bleeding out from his bullet wound, and while it isn’t quite as theatrically awful a death as you would’ve seen in the Dick Locher years of this strip, watching his agony mount has been pretty impressively grim, I’ll say that.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/19/20

Wait, do all the characters in Mother Goose and Grimm live in the Land of Oz? It would explain all the talking animals, I’ll say that much.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/17/20

“Like I said — long story. Pretty boring one, too. I mean, not as boring as the one about how you and your wife had a baby after a moderately difficult pregnancy. Hoo boy, was that a stinker! So, what have you been up to? No, don’t tell me, I’m sure it’s not interesting.”

Crankshaft, 3/17/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because … Lillian forgot the name of the guy who was planning on interviewing her for his podcast? That’s it? That’s the entire joke of this strip? Ha … ha?

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/17/20

Hey, everything’s going crazy, the world is ending, and you know what? Why not put some diaper fetish content in your nationally syndicated newspaper comic? Really, why not! GOD IS DEAD, DO AS THOU WILT

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Daddy Daze, 2/19/20

Daddy Daze Daddy’s long-term plan to teach his baby to destroy … to wreak havoc … to kill … is coming along nicely!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 2/19/20

Here’s today’s Mother Goose and Grimm! It’s about a dog who just pisses all over a seat in a movie theater.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/19/20

I love how Tildy is staring knowingly over her soda can at Rex in panel two. She may be a little dotty, but she definitely can feel the gears of narrative convenience churning to push her towards an ending of happy heteronormative monogamy, and she does not care for it.

The Lockhorns, 2/19/20

Sure, it’s because Leroy and Loretta, like many cartoon characters, only have four digits on each hand, but I cannot imagine anything more on-brand than the Lockhorns wearing their wedding rings on their middle fingers.

Mark Trail, 2/19/20

“Quick, we’ve got to get out of here, before he finds us!”