Post Content

Six Chix, 3/29/25

Look, man, everyone claims to love mermaids in theory, but a chimeric monster that’s half mammal, half fish was not meant to swim in the waters of our planet, and the only reason any seaside coffee hut should be catering to them on “National Mermaid Day” is as part of a sting operation allowing our military to capture one of these nightmarish cryptids and put our best scientists to work studying them so we can learn more about their weaknesses.

Pardon My Planet, 3/29/25

You know how sometimes you come up with a great gag for a cartoon, and then you draw the whole cartoon, but then you realize you’ve left a key visual signifier out of the cartoon so it doesn’t make sense, and it would be a big pain to redraw everything? Well, good news: you can just write the name of the thing you forgot to draw at the bottom of the panel and call it a “caption.” Nobody will stop you, or even care that much.

Family Circus, 3/29/25

“How do we know He won’t just spend it all on drugs? Why doesn’t He get a REAL JOB?”

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 3/4/25

They called Count Weirdly mad at Oxford, of course, and the Medical Sciences Interdivisional Research Ethics Committee repeatedly sanctioned him. But he’s shown them now, or I guess he would have shown them, if they all hadn’t been violently killed in the great animal uprising that wiped out most of the human race. Oxford is run by owls or something these days, but he’d like to think that, if any of his old nemeses were still around, they would understand that in this horrifying new world there just isn’t the luxury to muse on medical ethics the way there used to be. And with so few humans left alive, could anyone really fault him for trying to build a new one, as a friend? It’s not like there’s any shortage of corpses to use as raw materials.

Pardon My Planet, 3/4/25

But … you’re the one buying the pie, cow! I really don’t want to think about why this scenario involves cows wearing shirts and shopping in human grocery stores, or why a cow might assume that products made from cow’s milk can render dishes “sanitary,” and thank goodness that I don’t have to, because I have this basic bit of storybuilding to get hung up on instead. If you think the pie is unsanitary, why are you buying it? You’re standing in the checkout line, there’s nobody else there, you clearly picked it out and are now buying it!

Beetle Bailey, 3/4/25

Beetle is … dead, right? He’s not there, they’re putting a memorial plaque above his bed, he’s clearly dead. RIP Beetle Bailey, 1950-2025, you will be missed, to a certain extent.

Post Content

Pardon My Planet, 2/28/25

Not sure how we’re meant to understand the scenario here: did this couple literally spend their last dime on this beach vacation, leaving them in a position where they would be forced to stiff their dog-sitter when they got home? Or has the relatively small charge for dog-sitting services — which in my experience is usually paid in advance, these days often through Rover or other similar apps — pushed them across some threshold where they’re forced to acknowledge their own acute financial crisis, possibly because they recognize that they’ll be unable to make even the minimum payment on their credit card when it next comes due? At any rate, their problems are over now, as will their lives be in a few days when the massive dose of radiation they’re absorbing right now finally kills them both.

Mary Worth, 2/28/25

I have to admit “Why do people learn things the hard way instead of accepting advice?” is a pretty good tactic for talking up an advice column. People are, I think it goes without saying, pretty lazy, and if you explain that half-reading Ask Wendy on their phone while they’re watching TV or something is a “life hack” that allows them to avoid the terrifying, vivid highs and lows of an active and emotionally full life, I think they might go for it.