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Dennis the Menace, 1/5/16

“Look, mom, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you reading bedtime stories to me. It’s just that books are boring and TV is better, and I have no intention of learning how to read or engaging in any sort of entertainment that requires conscious effort on my part. Why, if my own brain could just auto-generate amusing imagery for me, that’d be the best! Dreams are great and all, but they only work when I’m asleep. Are there any pills I could take or anything along those lines that could create dream-like images for me? I’m definitely going to spend most of my energy as an adult looking for them!” As ever, A+ menacing work, as Alice’s look of concern makes very clear.

Gasoline Alley, 1/5/16

Gasoline Alley just spent like five God-damned weeks going on and on about scrapbooking, so the least they can do is linger a bit here and let us enjoy a few days of Boog’s parents sweatily trying and failing to work up the nerve to explain sex to him.

Pluggers, 1/5/16

Pluggers are horrified by the idea of “ingredients” that you “cook” to produce “meals,” and prefer to only buy things you can consume right out of the box or bag without even heating up.

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Blondie, 12/14/15

The funny thing here is that Dagwood seems to genuinely believe that it’s “weird” that he liked this repulsive-sounding concoction, as if he were not an infinite appetite, a bottomless maw with a thin layer of human meat wrapped around it. But somehow it’s necessary that he remain un-self-aware on this point. “Gosh, this is kind of good!” he says as he pours the latest combination of barely digestible garbage down his gullet, just like he said all the other times with all the other combinations.

Pluggers, 12/14/15

I’m not going to lie to you: this panel terrifies me. The typical structure of this particular Pluggers subgenre goes something like this: “Pluggers remember when [word in common use] meant [former primary definition, which has now been superseded]!” The difference today is that I have no idea what other meaning of “recall” they might be contrasting this with. Like, obviously nobody actually ever used “recall” in the sense depicted here, but are we meant to understand that there’s some … higher tech definition now in use? Like with the computers and such? Smartphones? Snapchat? Is this a Snapchat thing? Oh, God, has my persistent refusal to learn more than the bare minimum about Snapchat turned me into a plugger?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/14/15

Oh come on, Heather, next to Sarah and her grotesquely spherical head, lots of babies would look beautiful. Pretty much anything would, thanks to the contrast. Crumbling factories, dead animals, you name it, it all looks good next to Sarah.

Momma, 12/14/15

Well, so, Francis seems to be identified correctly again, but, uh, that is still very much his sister MaryLou, who may be role-playing as “Cindi” or whatever, but this is all very gross and disturbing.

Edge City, 12/14/15

Oops, I guess Edge City isn’t going to end with Colin’s elevation to YouTube stardom after all! Nope, it’s going to end with the rise of the machines.

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Spider-Man, 12/12/15

J. Jonah Jameson may be a bottom-feeding tabloid journalist, but I’ll say this for him: at least he’s self-aware. “This could be the scoop of the century!” he shouted while making a jerk-off motion.

Pluggers, 12/12/15

Why would pluggers lie about their age? The slow physical decay of their bodies, the gradual accumulation of aches and pains until every movement is an agony — that’s the only thing they know about. They may not have one of those fancy Ivy League degrees, but they can tell you this: your body is mortal, and by the time you die, you’ll be glad to be rid of it.