Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/1/23

I like how Rex and June are talking fairly seriously about Rene, a longtime criminal whose various cons have bedeviled them for years, and Rex suddenly thinks to himself, “Hmm, how long has it been since I’ve done a big overwrought theatrical pantomime bit where I show how much smarter I am than all the rubes I have such contempt for? It’s been a while, right? Not exactly matching the tone of this conversation so far but might as well get to it.”

Pluggers, 12/1/23

Pluggers don’t believe in “metaphors.” Why would you say a word when you actually mean a different word entirely? Sounds like something a big city elitist would do and then make fun of you for not understanding. To a plugger, “eye candy” is just candy that you look at, with your eyes. (It’s not candy made of eyes; that would be gross, like something a big city elitist would order in a restaurant and then make fun of you for not liking.)

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 11/27/23

Happy postprandial Monday, all, and welcome to The Misdirect, Chapter 4 of the Barajas Era of Gil Thorp, America’s #1 newspaper comic for confusing sports action. After besting Valley Tech’s football team (I think?) by injuring one of their key players, Coach Thorp is ready to move on to basketball season, while Coach Ochoa is handing [squints] lacrosse (…?) duties. Coach Martinez, meanwhile has realized that the success of the [squints harder, eventually gives up] TBD team on the [shorthand for the TBD team’s playing surface or arena] matters less than branding, which is why he’s installed an enormous Milford/Martinez M in ominous red and black to loom over the gym, emphasizing to student-athletes and fans alike that they constitute One Team, One School, One Volk.

Pluggers, 11/27/23

Remember a million years ago, when, during a Super Bowl halftime show, Justin Timberlake tore a small piece of Janet Jackson’s outfit off, semi-revealing her breast, which was still mostly covered by an elaborate nipple ring appliance, and there were huge raging debates over whether this was intentional or a “wardrobe malfunction?” Like many incidents we all have to pretend are meaningful in some way, it sounds insane if you describe it in hindsight, but anyway, pluggers definitely remember. Pluggers remember, and to pluggers, their head is a boob and the slow work of time and decay is Justin Timberlake’s dextrous hand, about to free their head-boob for their loved ones and all of America to unexpectedly see.

Post Content

Pluggers, 11/24/23

Pluggers remember when Black Friday was the day when President Grant’s brother-in-law caused a Wall Street panic in an attempt to corner the gold market, ultimately damaging the Grant Administration’s reputation. Apparently it’s a sale now? And it goes on for several days? Who knew!

Blondie, 11/24/23

For all you pluggers out there, Blondie’s beloved Blondie Bumstead is here to explain the new meaning of “Black Friday,” out loud to her husband, who presumably already knows what it is, at 4 a.m. But then she’s not going to go there! She’s going to do “cyber Monday” instead. She’s not explaining that one, though. Figure it out for yourselves, pluggers!

Judge Parker, 11/24/23

Welp, I guess Sam and Abbey’s sex vacation did in fact rekindle their mutual attraction, despite the fact that it started with them seeing a guy get mauled to death by a bear and has ended with nonstop CIA surveillance. Perhaps all that action has actually driven them to new erotic heights? Haha, just kidding, these two are boring as shit, it will just make them slightly more peevish.