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Hey, it’s the Comics Curmudgeon Fall 2010 Fundraiser — your generous contribution helps keep this fine site strong and independent! Thanks!

Luann, 9/21/10

Brad, I will say words to you now, so squint up your eyes and make the “I hear you” face. If you tell the girl “Now that Dirk is back you and I should wed”, you should not tell her “Dirk must not be the boss of us”, too. You are the one who wants to make him the boss of you, so you two can wed! It is wrong to say both things! It is like you and you in some kind of big talk fight! Stop it — got that?

The pants of this girl rule your mind!

And don’t just say all kinds of stuff when you get mad! Think hard, and try to make it sound like you want to make sense when you talk! Girls like it a lot when you try hard to be smart for them! I know it hurts, but you have to do it — keep your mind on the pants!

What, once more? You say not so fast this time? Here you go: pants!

And oh, yes: nice truck. Why do you two have to stand in front of it all the time like that? And talk so much? By “so much”, I mean “at all.” And by “in front”, I mean “where we can see you.”

Apartment 3-G, 9/21/10

Whoa! After years stuck in the early ’60’s, A3G stomps on the accelerator — no sooner does Tommie get a makeover than a woman of color shows up! I’m pretty sure that’s a first, and if they keep up this pace, I hope the gals watch out for flying cars ’round about next week or so. Ted Forth’s gonna be so pissed.

Pluggers, 9/21/10

You bet, ’cause you know if it were, this guy would be right there with his épées, vaulting pole, and rowing shell.

Thanks to everybody who contributed yesterday — don’t forget that if you want to send Josh a check or something, I’ll be happy to send you his address. Just email me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net — I mean what the hell, it’s not like it’s my address or anything!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/7/10

In all my years of reading the strip, I have encountered few scenes in Snuffy Smith more harrowing than panel two here. Lureen looks rightly terrified at the slavering mob of women who have assembled at the Gossip Fence, the traditional gathering place for female-oriented rituals in Hootin’ Holler. Little does she know that any woman who manages to successfully bed the hamlet’s most eligible bachelor is by iron custom torn to bits and devoured by all the other women in the town. This is how the community maintains its uniform hideousness: by weeding all the even vaguely attractive people out of the gene pool.

Archie, 9/7/10

Mr. Weatherbee, with his black shirt and white jacket, always seems to be waiting for an ’80s fashion revival that never arrives; today, he’s really attempting to force the issue by donning a piano tie. GIVE IT UP, MR. WEATHERBEE. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Spider-Man, 9/7/10

I love the fact that Spider-Man, true to his intense laziness, just automatically associates computers with video games and nothing else. “Wait, you can use the keyboard-television for things that aren’t Farmville?”

Pluggers, 9/7/10

Seriously, pluggers are shockingly lazy and just straight up don’t give a rat’s ass about what you think.

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/3/10

Ho ho ho, Cayla, game, set and match! You will never defeat Susan in your battle for Les’s gloomy heart now! Only she understands that special blend of grief, narcissism, and self-importance that is the most powerful aphrodisiac for him. I’m surprised the two of them aren’t just going at it right there on the table in panel three.

Pluggers, 9/3/10

Well, well, well, coastal elitists. You may enjoy sitting around your fancy condos and talking about Russian novels and Italian cinema while drinking fine French wine, but pluggers know a little bit about something that you might have forgotten about at that fancy Ivy League school of yours: good old-fashioned American toilet paper. Advantage: pluggers, with their simple, down-home common sense and their clean buttholes.

Speaking of coast elitists, I’m heading off to New York for Labor Day weekend! Don’t worry, I’ll bring my own TP. New comics on Monday, or maybe Tuesday!