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Pluggers, 3/17/10

While I’m not anything close to a coffee fiend, I do speak idiomatic English, and I’m reasonably sure that nobody uses “grind” as a noun to refer to coffee in this way. It actually sounds more like street lingo for some mind-altering drug, possibly one made by grinding up the various prescription medications pluggers inevitably have on hand and then pouring them into a coffee machine.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/17/10

I’m a little bit sad that Toots has pegged Sarah as a squealer. He ought to know, based on his own encounter with the terrifying moppet, that she is as hard as nails and almost certainly subscribes to a “snitches get stitches” philosophy; indeed, he will presumably soon have reasons to regret his own inability to keep his mouth shut.

In the final panel, we see that the Rex Morgan team is attempting to jump on the morose sandwich eating bandwagon that’s been so lucrative for Mary Worth.

Ziggy, 3/17/10

Ha ha, Ziggy’s been programmed by the Reds as some kind of brainwashed assassin! Fortunately, he’ll fail miserably at that like he does in everything else in life, and then we’ll laugh and laugh.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/10

Say, it’s been a while since we checked in with the refugee-ne’er-do-well wackiness in Rex Morgan, hasn’t it? Today, it seems that Sarah is learning a valuable lesson: that, when you’re in a position of power over someone in a desperate situation, they might give up their most treasured possessions “voluntarily,” just to buy themselves a few more days or hours of survival! This knowledge will come in handy for her future career as a brutal post-apocalyptic warlord.

Unfortunately, Toots is about to learn a similar important lesson as well: when you’re a refugee and not in a position to be economically productive, you only have so many things you can trade away for safety. When Sarah comes back for more — and she will — the pickings will get slimmer, and fast. “Say, little girl, do you want this stripey shirt? All the other kids will think you’re super cool if you’ve got a stripey shirt? Hmm, how about this half-empty paint can? No? Uh … dirty socks? I found some dirty socks over here…”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/5/10

As part of my policy about being open and honest with you when normally unfunny comics make me laugh, I admit to being amused that Elviney is reading a publication called Tabloid Doin’s. However, the fact that Loweezy is perusing something with a much more conventional name confounded me a bit, and forces me to conclude that in fact Tabloid Doin’s is some kind of trade magazine detailing the hiring and firing of editors at various tabloid publications. “I don’t care what you say, Loweezy! Ain’t nobody in this latest crop o’ gossip maven ken hold a candle to Bonnie Fuller!”

Gil Thorp, 3/5/10

The Mudlark basketball team has once again failed to even make the playdowns, which I’m frankly glad about, as it allows me to focus more energy on Coach Thorp’s increasingly twee wardrobe. First a sweater vest, now some kind of cardigan, complete with a chunky piping? I love it, Gil!

Shoe, 3/5/10

Roz’s interlocutor is in fact a bird; so, while she shouldn’t be anxious about using her wings to travel through the air, being killed, dismembered, fried, and eaten is a legitimate concern.

Jumble, 3/5/10

I kind of love how enthusiastic this guy is about fresh-ground cheese. “Yes! It adds so much flavor! Look, look at this cheese I’m pointing to, everyone! Oh my God, it completely transforms the dish! Keep adding more! Pile on the cheese! Don’t ever stop!”

Pluggers, 3/5/10

You’re a plugger if the terrifying secret government lab that created the man-animal abomination that you are saved money by grafting variously sized torsos onto identical sets of cloned legs.

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Slylock Fox, 2/15/10

Oh, look, Rachel Rabbit is moving up in the world! No longer is she renting the double-wide next to Reeky Rat down at the trailer park; now she’s living in a squalid apartment building, and has apparently started billing herself as “Mrs. Rabbit,” as if Wanda Witch and the other apartment-dwellers care about the legitimacy of her little bunny. But one thing that hasn’t changed is that she’s a pretty irritating neighbor; before she was tattling on Reeky and his ’lectricity-stealin’ ways, and now’s she’s complaining about noise. Those magic spells are too loud for your precious little baby, Rachel? I’m sure living downstairs from the little squaller is no picnic either, considering that your main childcare technique involves turning up the volume on the television. If you need any more proof that Wanda is actually a quite courteous and thoughtful neighbor, note that she’s hovering around the place on her broomstick rather than disturbing those downstairs by clomping about in her high heels.

Anyway, Sly’s exasperated expression seems to indicate that he’s rethinking his plan to volunteer his spare time with the neighborhood mediation center.

Wizard of Id, 2/15/10

Only the Wizard of Id dares to speak the politically incorrect truth: by dedicating a holiday to romantic love, we are starting down a path that leads inexorably towards chicken-fucking.

Pluggers, 2/15/10

Oh, what makes you think he went to first grade, li’l plugger? Gramps is wearing the sly smile of the crafty illiterate.

Crankshaft, 2/15/10

“No, but seriously, I lost all the club’s money at the dog track. What are you broads gonna do about it?”