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Dennis the Menace, 3/14/20

That’s right, Dennis! You aren’t part of a persecuted minority group, and will never have to worry about losing your ability to pursue your career in your homeland, leaving you to live much of your adult life in exile! Also, you’re very, very dumb.

Pluggers, 3/14/20

I know the chicken-lady plugger’s beak is usually yellow and this is just a coloring error, but I choose to believe that while she was going her mental list of cards to buy she did the math on how many more deaths than births there have been recently in her social circle and went white in the face while contemplating her own mortality.

Blondie, 3/14/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because … Dagwood is being recruited to play on a baseball team otherwise made up entirely of children? And they’re willing to accommodate his naptime? That’s the joke?

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Mark Trail, 3/9/20

Oh, wow, it seems these troubled children are turning on each other! They overheard Kevin admitting he didn’t have a dad and are immediately unleashing the most vicious attack a teen thug can think of: “Hey, look, fellas! A homeless kid!” Fortunately Geoff is there to set everyone straight with some tough talk, or maybe he’s just going to “level the playing field” by revealing all the socially debilitating secrets that ended with these delinquents on this hike instead of doing something fun and cool literally anywhere else. Anyway, how do you feel about the fact that you can apparently see down Geoff’s throat in the final panel? Feel kind of uncomfortable? I sure do!

Mary Worth, 3/9/20

It’s true, change is inevitable, as it’s been said! But in this case, maybe it’s … not? Like maybe Mary could ask for her preferred volunteer shift instead of just meekly acquiescing to the change? What’re they gonna do if she insists, fire her?

Between Friends, 3/9/20

Oh no! The COVID-19 virus has finally reached the funny pages! Can Between Friends be isolated before the rest of our beloved characters are infected? Fortunately the strip is set in Canada, so only the zombie For Better Or For Worse crew is in immediate danger.

Family Circus, 3/9/20

Daddy was “unavoidably detained on an out-of-town trip,” and based on the whispered conversations of adults on the subject Billy has come up with some wild ideas of what’s going on exactly, involving aliens and, I assume, rectal probes.

Pluggers, 3/9/20

PLUGGERS ARE SUNDOWNING

THEY SAID IT

THE SYNDICATED NEWSPAPER PANEL PLUGGERS SAID THIS ABOUT PLUGGERS, NOT ME, I’M JUST REPORTING IT

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/28/20

Sure, this seems like yet another Snuffy Smith where a forced bit of wordplay serves to remind us about how Hootin’ Holler doesn’t have the modern mores and problems of us flatlanders (frankly, if in the local dialect “trophy” can modify “wife” in such a way as to denote not that the wife is a trophy but rather possesses a trophy, Hootin’ Holler is clearly more isolated from the mainstream English-speaking world than I thought). But it also tells us something else important about the strip’s setting, which is that no institution in this lawless town can be counted on to hand out honors or benefits in a fair or meritocratic manner; rather, status is conferred by a combination of clan loyalty and open corruption.

Pluggers, 2/28/20

Sure, this seems like another panel informing us that pluggers are both different and possibly better than non-pluggers, in this case because instead of taking pictures of themselves that they think look attractive and posting them on social media, they look in the mirror to apply cosmetics in a way that they looks attractive before participating in social interactions in real life. But it also tells us something else important: that wildly prolific Pluggers contributor Reed Hoover maintains his dominance over this strip even from beyond the grave.