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Beetle Bailey, 3/30/24

I actually really like Sarge’s facial expression in this one. Having been advised that he’s walking into a potentially explosive situation, he’s subtly but carefully assessing enemy positions and weak points, as well as any potential means of egress. It’s called situational awareness and the soldiers under his command could frankly benefit from his knowledge in this area!

Dennis the Menace, 3/30/24

Forget darndest thing saying or even impish destruction: this is the kind of menace you should most fear from a child, when you’ve gone out of your way to create a whimsical delight for him and he can only respond with unearned, heavy-lidded ennui. This is the good stuff!

Pluggers, 3/30/24

This bear-man is clearly delighted looking at this belt, and is not experiencing an iota of body shame. Stop trying to impose your agenda on him, Pluggers caption! He just thinks braided belts are neat!

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Mary Worth, 3/4/24

Oh, so, uh, it seems like the Keith-Kitty-Sonia family fraud reunion plot has … ended? With Keith’s tiny mind unburdened by his terrible deception? No opportunity for follow-up, though, because it’s time for Mary and Jeff’s one-a-quarter date! Yes, nothing will get Mary’s mind off the Crazy World that she learns about entirely through The News better than a desultory sexual encounter on a reasonably successful doctor’s boat.

Pluggers, 3/4/24

Shoutout to Pluggers, whose whole vibe over the decades has carefully created the strategic ambiguity that leaves me, a liberal big-city elitist, unsure whether today’s panel is about some “Hints from Heloise” type technique for keeping your shirts fresh/unwrinkled before a big event, or if it’s just a “Ha ha, pluggers are old and increasingly plagued by dementia” joke.

The Phantom, 3/4/24

The thing about the Phantom is that he’s a tough, gun-toting, fists-flying superhero vigilante but also the product of a 21-generation long eugenics program, and I feel like being raised to know this is true about yourself must have some pretty weird effects on your psyche. Like, check out how aroused Kit Jr. looks in the second panel here! “Seems that mom’s finally figured out the perfect breeding partner for me? And she’s planning to ambush me with her, sexually? Hot stuff!”

Shoe, 3/4/24

It honestly never occurred to me before this strip, but among his many other terrible qualities, Shoe is definitely a serial workplace sexual harasser.

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Pluggers and Gasoline Alley, 2/25/24

Old people! Do you enjoy the Sunday comics as one of your last pleasures in life? Well, the whimsical “funny pages” are here to remind you that as you age, you will be beset with endless aches and pains, so much so that you will begin to believe that even in your life on Earth, you are experiencing a taste of what the damned go through in Hell. But still, one must cling to this life, imperfect as it is, as it could be swept away from us at any moment and then — nothingness, no more pain but also no more frosting. Something to think about!

Daddy Daze, 2/25/24

And don’t get too smug, young people! The time when your young body begins to fall apart is coming! And sooner than you think.