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Hi and Lois, 5/19/20

Sure, Amazon has cut out the middelman between publishers and readers, turning books into a low-cost mass commodity, but there’s still a space for true aficionados to browse carefully curated collections of fine novels, like [squints] John Grisham’s latest legal thriller, Camino Winds! Only the personal touch of a true bibliophile can connect you with that sort of enriching literature!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/19/20

Hmm, Truck looks a little dubious about this offer, doesn’t he? He knows that most of his fans are middle-aged dudes in loud print shirts who obsess over the distinctions between similar musical genres like Buck. Do we really want them gathering together, in “clubs,” and starting to realize their power and numbers? Sure, it would help Truck financially … but at what cost?

The Lockhorns, 5/19/20

Good news, everybody! The Lockhorns are getting divorced!

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Marvin, 5/15/20

At first I was going to comment that it seems weird that Jeff used “this room” for what’s obviously the bathroom. But then I realized how absolutely enormous that bathroom is. In their desperate attempt to somehow get Marvin to start pooping in the toilet, have they tried to “normalize” bathroom activities so that instead of being a small room shamefully walled off from the rest of the family life, the bathroom has become the centerpiece of the home; they’ve knocked down so many walls that most of everyday living now takes place in the vast open space they now refer to, generically, as “this room.” Definitely the saddest part is that it hasn’t worked, although a close second in sadness is the fact that it’s apparently pretty disgusting.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/15/20

Finally! Truck’s problems are about to be solved by …. e-commerce! You guys heard about this “internet” thing? You guys heard you can sell things on it now? Truly crazy, folks, truly crazy.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/10/20

Hey, everyone! Were you worried that Buck was going to be inconvenienced, even briefly, by Truck’s illness? Well, good news: he won’t be! Also, it’s very sporting of you to pretend that you actually were worried about Buck. I know for a fact that nobody is worried about Buck. Anyway, a good way to enjoy your Sunday is to imagine that Buck is saying “Autographs. Always with the autographs” the same way Martin Sheen says “Saigon. Shit, I’m still only in Saigon” in the opening scene of Apocalypse Now.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/10/20

There are a lot of Mother’s Day comics out there today that depict moms getting appreciated by their kids and partners, but that frankly isn’t the thing that satisfies my twisted reasons for reading the funny pages, so here, here’s a strip where Les calls his wife and just monologues for five panels about how everything sucks.

Dennis the Menace, 5/10/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis was going to kill his best friend, but now he’s just going to kill his dog!