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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/19/20

Fellas! Has this ever happened to you? You’re talking to your lady, who circumstances have forced you to live apart from, and it seems like the convo might be headed to a little dirty talk, but no, all of the sudden it’s all “oh my god so many people died today” and “I’m never going to be able to forget about this time, it’s so awful” and blah blah blah. You know who would never trouble you with tales of pandemic carnage and his emotional reaction to it? Rex. That guy absolutely could not give less of a shit about whether his patients live or die. I mean, he wouldn’t do phone sex with you either, but at least there’d be no downer stuff.

The Phantom, 11/19/20

The action in our new Phantom storyline begins with our hero just punching the crap out of a Rhodian border guard mostly unprovoked, and you know who’s surprised but, in the balance, pleased? Karl Marx.

Family Circus, 11/19/20

“Also our house is enveloped in the Bone-Chilling Depthless Ultradark. I hate it!”

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Mary Worth, 11/14/20

Oh, man, it looks like Tommy’s going to prove he’s not using again, the only way he can: by getting a better job! Obviously only a loser would work at, uh, the place where Brandy works, so the way for Tommy to prove he’s not a loser would be to get a job somewhere else. Yes, it’s definitely true that people with prestigious, high-paying jobs like stockbrokers or actors would never use drugs, so this is a foolproof plan.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/14/20

[I brace myself for the non-stop thrill ride that is Rex Morgan, M.D., and begin the first panel] HOLY SHIT THERE’S HOT SOUP IN THOSE CONTAINERS, WHAT IF NIKI SPILLS IT [I get to the second panel] OH THANK GOD, HE DIDN’T SPILL IT [I begin crying because I’m so relieved but emotionally drained by this whole experience]

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/10/20

Oh, hey, remember Red? Red was a guy who tried, in an extremely pathetic and non-threatening way, to mug Jordan and Michelle, but then it turned out he was an old high school classmate of Jordan’s, and was also a veteran suffering from both PTSD and hallucinations brought on by kidney disease, so he was reunited with his family and got a kidney transplant, which was, as I probably don’t have to tell you as it took place in Rex Morgan, M.D., boring. Jordan promised to take Red on as a cook in his new restaurant, and honestly the most interesting thing about the whole story is that Red’s drama somehow took the focus off the fact that Jordan had engaged in a little light stolen valor, so my tenuous hope was that Red and Jordan would start trading some (literal) war stories and this would all come out, but instead there’s just going to be a lot of healthy diet talk, zzzzzzzz.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/10/20

I had assumed Harry had taken up teaching music again because he loved it so much that he couldn’t bear the thought of stepping away forever, despite his hearing loss, but no, it actually appears he’s as miserable about this situation as his poor student is. So is he doing it for … money? Does he need money? Honestly, it’s a real relief to learn that he doesn’t get paid for all the time he spends hanging around Westview High irritating the actual band teacher.

Slylock Fox, 11/10/20

Fellas! Are you looking for a chore to do that will beautify the neighborhood and have the ladies swooning? Think about painting a fence!