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Six Chix, 6/24/14

Hey guys, here’s a comic that … I’m pretty sure is supposed to have a joke in it? Except it doesn’t seem to have a joke in it. Just a lady who feels that, due to her educational status and cultural position, she’s supposed to be better acquainted with the canon of Western literature than she is. And she feels bad enough about it that she’s willing to pay a therapist to listen to her talk about it. Which isn’t funny? It seems to not be funny. Maybe the way her therapist is looking at her with open contempt is the joke? It’s not very funny either, but it’s moderately funnier than the other thing.

Mark Trail, 6/24/14

TRUE FACT: Despite being adorable-looking and the subject of a popular and condescending tabletop game, hippos are actually super aggressive and dangerous and will just straight-up attack people for no reason at all. So I dub this Mark Trail depiction of wanton hippo violence accurate! I’m more dubious on the question of whether any African humans are actually named “Taurus,” however.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/24/14

Future rich dowager Sarah Morgan just heard the two most important sentences of her young life so far: “You’re allowed to do anything I want” and “If the museum wants my million bucks, we do it my way!” Mrs. Pierpont is writing on her little pad of paper, but Sarah is the one who should be taking notes.

Herb and Jamaal, 6/24/14

In order for the extremely mild “punchline” of this strip to work, it needs to be vaguely surprising when Jamaal compares his feelings for a jar of sourdough starter to the romantic attraction one would expect him to feel for a human woman. However, any such surprise is completely precluded by the frank and shocking scene of man-on-glassware intimacy depicted in panel three.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/17/14

Sarah may have easily defeated an elementary school bully, but now she’s facing a much more difficult challenge: a rich old lady who always gets what she wants, mostly because she’s rich. She’s like Sarah, except a legal adult! In a way, she supposes she does work at the museum, except in the sense that she pays for everything, so the museum works for her, and so does everyone in it, including Sarah. Sarah is right to break out in a cold sweat in the final panel! This is her most difficult adversary yet.

Six Chix, 6/17/14

Six Chix generally offers a vaguely crunchy-liberal take on modern American life, which makes today’s strip a refreshing change of pace. The chickens, of course, are a metaphor for us: while we’ve been led to believe that we should be eating local and organic food and getting in more physical activity like our ancestors did, the truth is those ancestors started driving everywhere and eating processed foods and TV dinners as soon as they could for a reason: because processed food tastes better and physical activity is a pain in the ass. Like caged chickens that remain motionless for their entire lives and are fed an endless supply of corn byproducts, most humans find the idea of not watching TV and eating non-Dorito foodstuffs irritating and pointless.

Wizard of Id, 6/17/14

Wizard of Id is a strip that routinely uses actual torture as a grim punchline, so it’s nice to see it keeping up with the times, I guess.

Apartment 3-G, 6/17/14

Never thought I’d say this, but … where’s Tommie? What’s Tommie up to? I’d sure like to see what’s going on with Tommie, rather than this small-town-gossip thought balloon madness.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/12/14

Hmm, good work, Sarah: you’re not going into this counterattack alone, but rather inspiring an army of minions to join you, recognizing who the enemies of your enemies are. Not only will there be strength in numbers for this specific confrontation, but the other children will now be tied to you for life by their joint participation in an act of unspeakable violence. “Hmm, not sure why I didn’t think of this myself!” their teacher thinks, before slowly backing out of the room and locking the door from the outside.

Apartment 3-G, 6/12/14

Yup, Dr. Jack is just going to hand his farm/large animal veterinary practice (?)/Tommie Thompson labor re-education program over to Carol, who is qualified … to take care of it all … somehow? This is the weirdest, vaguest, boringest, most confusing, least interesting Apartment 3-G plot in years, which I hope you all recognize as really saying something.

Mary Worth, 6/12/14

“Sure, if by ‘all together on vacation’ you mean ‘they hand me over to some lady they’ve literally known for 45 seconds while they wander off and go do whatever,’ that’s exactly what’s happening here!”