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Mary Worth, 2/18/11

So, this current Mary Worth storyline: opinions differ about it! Here, for instance, is the complete text of an email I received from my mother yesterday evening:

this is the most boring Mary Worth ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I admit that it’s not the roller-coaster ride of hilarity of, say, Charley or Jill, but it has its subtle charms! I sort of love how Wilbur’s been getting more and more exasperated as Mary continues to not get the awesomeness of Twitter. I mean, he doesn’t even really care for it that much, but since he’s showing Mary how it works, he wants her to be at least a little intrigued.

It’s also fun if you imagine that, in the second panel, they’re talking about Wilbur’s penis.

Anyway, if you want to try to purge that image from your mind, you might want to check out today’s Mary Worth-themed Shortpacked!

Mark Trail, 2/18/11

Mark Trail, meanwhile, continues to entertain in a more straightforward fashion. I’d like to believe that the third panel is taking place in that Coast Guard helicopter’s spacious stateroom, and the red-haired figure in the foreground is the vessel’s commanding officer. He’s watching his bumbling underlings bicker and wrestle over the diamond-less tackle box, and thinking about whether it would save time on paperwork to just “accidentally” shove Ben Smith out the door in mid-flight.

Judge Parker, 2/18/11

The title character from Judge Parker may not get as much time in the spotlight as Sam Driver, but in panel three he proves that he can be just as smug. Remember, kids, the coddled and the privileged start out with an unrealistically high opinion of themselves, so the only way to really stroke their egos is to frame your ass-kissing as “brutal honesty.”

Spider-Man, 2/18/11

So she used to be your finacée … uh huh … and now she is again … right, right … loves you in spite of your past … sure, makes sense … WAIT YOU’RE GOING TO GET MARRIED? OH DEAR GOD!!!!

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Apartment 3-G, 2/17/11

Uh oh, there’s trouble in paradise already! Margo has decided to make nice, but Margo being nice is not what Trey’s interested in, and he rather snippily demands that the abuse resume. Don’t top from the bottom, Trey! No good will come of it!

By the way, I would dearly love it if someone could explain the terrifying non-Euclidian geometry that governs the spatial relationships between Margo and Trey’s chairs.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/17/11

Wait, Mr. Amato, I’m a little confused — are you Dave’s friend, or his cousin? And I’m not sure I remember exactly who AHHHH AHHHH AHHHH AHHHH WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE

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Herb and Jamaal, 2/14/11

You guys, sorry these comics are so late in appearing! The Houston Chronicle’s usually convenient comics page was missing about half of its comics for much of the day, and then my evening was dedicated to Valentine’s-related activities. But I’m sure glad I waited, because I was rewarded by the triumphant return of Herb and Jamaal! Yes, this beloved comic was missing for the past … several days? Week? Indeterminate time-unit? I can’t really be bothered to remember. Apparently this absence was a not a result of the Chron’s accounts payable department neglecting to write a check to Creators Syndicate, but rather because the Chron’s upper management was locked in heated negotiations to get this coveted strip back in the paper. Did we miss the moment when Jamaal and Yolanda, who became America’s Sweethearts by default when Seth and Summer were cancelled, finally got together? No, according to this conversation between Yolanda and some mail carrier person whom we’ve never seen before!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/14/11

It’s hard to look at Rex’s freakishly oversized mitt in panel one and not imagine that he’s going to follow up “Dex has already had a taste of unbridled spending” with “and now I’m going to give him a taste of my pimp hand!” Sadly, he instead goes on to actually show a shred of empathy with another human being, which is frankly not the sort of thing the Rex Morgan I know goes in for.

Wizard of Id, 2/14/11

Ha ha, the Wiz — who, as one of the king’s chief advisors, is surely well off — is stealing from impoverished peasants, using sinister magic! At least he isn’t just physically assaulting them, for the crime of being poor.

Mary Worth, 2/14/11

Based on Mary’s nervous coquettishness and Wilbur’s frank leer as he closes the door, this scene reads to me as if Mary’s come to learn some perverse sexual technique — one that only Wilbur can teach her, and one that Mary needs to know if she’s to keep Dr. Jeff’s interest in her. Oh, I’m sorry, did I just disgust and repulse you to the extent that you’ll never want to experience sex, or even human affection, again? Well, too bad. Happy Valentine’s Day!