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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/23/11

So, when I demanded a return to the non-old-people-liver-transplant storyline in Rex Morgan, I was really more hoping for more mother-daughter squabbling and less earnest talk about modern best practices for medical record-keeping. You can tell that Rex is eating this stuff up, though, closing his eyes and letting the jargon just wash right over him. “Oooh, you used an abbreviation! Yeah, that’s the stuff.”

Dennis the Menace, 7/23/11

I’m gonna be honest with you — if I saw a black polo shirt with a red collar in real life in an adult size, I would buy and wear the crap out of it. I don’t think I’d pair it up with red pants, but I think it’s an interesting and striking color combo. I was so taken with it that it took me a moment to realize that Dennis is going for a whole new kind of unsettling menacing: attempting to put the moves on his cousin.

Hi and Lois, 7/23/11

My goodness, look at how happy Lois looks! Dot and Ditto, don’t you dare touch her — she’s obviously in some magical dreamland, one where she doesn’t have any annoying children. Even the most terrible sunburn will be a fair price for just a few more minutes there.

Apartment 3-G, 7/23/11

“Me? How could I be a mother? I don’t even know where babies come from!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/20/11

Philosophical question: Is it insulting to call someone a “punk,” when they’re totally decked out in all the accoutrements of a punk rocker, circa 1978? Does the intention of the speaker count more than one’s own embrace of a retro-punk image? I have to admit that, with all his whining about verbal assault, I’m not thinking very highly of Spider the Punk (also, FYI, punk names that are not badass: “Spider”) at the moment, and on the other hand am admiring the steely gaze that Mr. Geezer is leveling at him in the final panel. “Spider, would you like me to graphically demonstrate some of the techniques I learned with my commando unit behind Japanese lines in Burma during World War II? Or would you like to go to class? Your choice.”

Herb and Jamaal, 7/20/11

Why … why wouldn’t Herb’s mother in law just removed the “mortuary” signs from her car? I’m guessing that the artist came up with a joke involving her trying to loan Ernie a hearse, then realized, “Oh, ho ho, there’s no way I can draw a recognizable hearse,” then just slapped a sign on a generic drawing of a black car and called it a day.

Pluggers, 7/20/11

Oh, come now, pluggers don’t know big words like “diuretic.” They’ll totally pee all over themselves though! That I believe.

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Slylock Fox, 7/17/11

Oh, Slylock, it’s really getting to be kind of a compulsion with you, isn’t it? You could have just gone over to the two chatty she-beavers and asked, “Excuse me, are one of you Benny’s wife?” Or, even better, you could have just gotten your hands dirty for once and helped find the contact lens yourself. (Max is helping! For once, the dumb detective stereotype magnifying glass you guys haul around with you is useful!) But no, you’ve gotta be all “Ah! Benny, don’t tell me which of those ladies is your wife, because I can figure it out myself … with logic!” You’re impressing nobody, do you know that? You’re impressing nobody.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/17/11

You’ll notice that I’ve ignored Rex Morgan for a whole month, because it’s involved boring old people and their liver transplants rather than the sexy mom/sexy daughter drama we were promised. At last, we’re finding our way back to these two … only to discover that their family dynamic also involves a hilariously belligerent punk rocker! This is just more proof that we need to focus on this storyline and only this storyline, from here on in.

Mary Worth, 7/17/11

Please, Dr. Jeff, do you honestly expect to win Mary’s hand in marriage while standing upright? You’ll need to get down and do this in the traditional manner if you want to have a chance. Sure, Mary knows all about your crippling knee pain, but, look, do you want to marry her or not?