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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/28/13

Rex and June may have forever left the land of magical stripper fights behind them, but there’s still the embryonic Morgan-spawn gestating in her womb, which I guess will be the fulcrum of however many Rex Morgan plots make up seven or eight months of strip time. Today’s fun: did you know that ladies who are pregnant crave certain foods, like waffles, even when, as we learned yesterday, the only waffle mix in the house expired more than a year ago? June is completely mesmerized by this ancient box of not-quite-shelf-stable-enough powdered breakfast, which should have hilarious results as she attends this afternoon’s lecture. (“Picking up on these subtle indicators could help medical professionals intervene in a domestic violence situation before it becomes deadly, and … yes, Nurse Morgan? Do you have a question?” [CUT TO: JUNE SITTING IN BACK ROW, HER FACE COVERED IN RANCID WAFFLE MIX, EYES WILD LIKE THE COCAINE-CRAZED TONY MONTONA IN SCARFACE])

Funky Winkerbean, 3/28/13

Ever since Funky Winkerbean began its Turn To Serious Art And By Serious Art We Mean Disease And Addiction And Death, it’s often featured multi-day or even multi-week story arcs. This week, though, the strip has returned to its gag-a-day, high-school-antics roots. For instance, today’s strip, in which Les is a smug dick to his entire class for no reason, has no larger narrative context, but is just sort of a discrete lump of unpleasantness.

Dennis the Menace and Family Circus, 3/28/13

Wow, Dennis, you got outmenaced by Jeffy. I think you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/22/13

“Hello, everybody, we’re the creative team behind Rex Morgan, M.D.! We know that you enjoy exciting tales of adventure and the medical profession, and that you also like hot bodies in various stages of undress. We made you a promise — that the attractive characters in our feature would occasionally strip down to their underwear — and we aim to keep that promise. Every five years or so counts as ‘occasionally,’ right? We’re working our way up to full frontal nudity, which should get the syndicate OK sometime’s in the mid 2200s.”

Heathcliff, 3/22/13

I wouldn’t worry too much about photobombing, officer; Heathcliff will not be visible at all in this picture, seeing as the camera is pointed directly at the suspect’s crotch. This is a very particular kind of mug shot for a very specific audience.

Mark Trail, 3/22/13

“In the meantime, let’s enjoy a big, hearty bowl of orange mush in Rusty’s honor. Mush was all we ever allowed Rusty to eat, and orange was his favorite mush color. He would’ve wanted it this way! Er, does want it this way, I should say, he’s probably still alive. At least we’re all hoping that he is! Yeah, that’s it, hoping.”

Hi and Lois, 3/22/13

“Or to late March, which is when this comic strip will be published!”

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Pluggers, 3/16/13

Cats are a species that are always suspect when it comes to Real American Authenticity, so naturally the cat-plugger tends to be an outsider in the world of pluggerdom. Speaking as a cat-type myself, I’m not sure what exactly this panel is all about — are there baseball cards that don’t come with bubble gum? are they “fake,” somehow? wouldn’t old cards sold at a garage sale have stopped smelling like bubble gum years ago, assuming they aren’t in their original wrapper? — but it’s fun to see how sad the cat-plugger is at having his wares rejected. Haha, cat-plugger, your attempt to sell off these tiny bits of your childhood and some of your furniture in order to stave off economic catastrophe has been met with only scorn! Why don’t you go back to gay communist France, with your bogus baseball cards?

Mother Goose and Grim, 3/16/13

One of the central schticks of Mother Goose and Grimm is that Grimm the dog and Attila the cat cordially despise each other, but even still, Grimmy isn’t a narc. He knows that snitches get stitches! (Or more stitches, in this case.)

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/16/13

Nearly eight years after Mary Worth threw down the gauntlet, Rex Morgan looks poised to be the first syndicated continuity strip to feature a graphic vomiting scene. Just in time for a large-format full-color Sunday strip, too!

Mary Worth, 3/16/13

You guys, I’m starting a new meekcore band called Beth Kinley, and the title of our first single will be “I’ll Just Have Regular Water (If It’s Not Too Much Trouble)”.