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B.C., 12/8/12

The current B.C. management seems perversely intent on taking the gimmick essentially designed for clip art reuse — “character reads joke out of a book sitting on a rock” — and actually put some effort into it. Should the Wiley’s Dictionary rock be moved down by the seashore, so B.C./Thor/maybe other blond caveman whose name I don’t know can enjoy the pleasant breezes through the beach grass along with his terrible four-word joke? Sure, why not!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/8/12

What does it take to turn Rex’s omnipresent supercilious scowl into an extremely restrained smile? His inferiors recognizing that he deserves free stuff, of course! I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really care about marine mammals one way or the other, but I assume he’ll still sit there in the stands, watching the orca-frolic, thinking “Yes, this … this is my due.”

Apartment 3-G, 12/8/12

Wow, so Greg’s been chosen to play James Bond, one of the most famous and high-profile roles in all of entertainment, and Margo hadn’t heard anything about it? He must have a terrible publicist.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/5/12

Kudos to Rex Morgan, M.D., for having the main player in its breast cancer plot be not some chipper, beatific saint, but someone who is actually cranky and exhausted the way someone going through chemo actually would be. Today’s strip makes me hope that we’ll be getting a medical marijuana subplot in our California locale; after all, one of the reasons pot is prescribed to cancer patients is to boost their appetite (the munchies used for good, not evil!). Which side of this issue will Rex come down on? He’s actually a notorious medical-issues pinko, what with his support of single-payer health insurance and all, but on the other hand he loves feeling smug and superior to people he thinks he’s better than, which includes all nonconformists and hippies and potheads, so this should make for a hilarious internal struggle.

Mark Trail, 12/5/12

Uh oh, looks like Otto tried to kill Mark but then accidentally killed himself! No, just kidding, Mark will rescue him, of course. The real drama here: Will he immediately be converted to goodness thanks to Mark’s selfless rescue, or will he continue to plot? Will Mark eventually have to punch him, more in sorrow than in anger?

Gil Thorp, 12/5/12

In the last panel, with the bolding and the question mark, the narration box seems to have passed from disinterested observer to outraged Mudlark partisan. Or maybe it’s literally baffled by the ill-drawn tangle of limbs in panel two? “Pass interference? Wait, is Gallagher wrapping his arm around #81, or just kind of whacking at him? What’s going on?”

Dick Tracy, 12/5/12

Dick Tracy is doing some kind of “costumed vigilantes/superheroes” plot, though today it turns out that the whole thing may be a misunderstanding caused by this nice young couple’s eccentric and public sexual roleplay.

Spider-Man, 12/5/12

Over course of this plot, newspaper Spider-Man trufans have been saying, “OK, fine, we’ve had lots and lots of Peter Parker being publicly humiliated by his boss and by his rival, and he’s been literally forced to ‘pretend’ to work as a janitor in order to spy on Kraven. He’s done virtually no Web-slinging and absolutely no successful crime-fighting to speak of. But when do we get to the part of the story where he just yells at the television?” Well, today’s your lucky day, my friends.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/17/12

Remember back when some guy tried to hire June as a stripper and she turned him down? Well, times have changed and she’s up for anything now! A year and a half with Rex will do that to anybody, and I’m specifically including grandmothers and cloistered nuns.

Archie, 11/17/12

Archie is a self-righteous hypocrite who falsely believes himself human.

Hey, this is the second time this month comic strip characters have called themselves “we humans.” Are they growing aware of — and resenting — their fate as two-dimensional objects of mockery on the back pages of a dying medium? ARE THEY RISING UP IN RAGE? If so, hanging around this blog might not be the best idea right now, fair warning.

Apartment 3-G, 11/17/12

O MY GOD NOBODY TELL MARGO ABOUT THE REBELLION, OKAY?

Even as Evan poaches her clients for his Aunt Cathy’s agency, Margo prefers his dreamy neckrubs and obsequious flattery to Greg’s brutal honesty and unconscionable Lu Ann-noticing. But how the hell does she narrow her eyes like that? Maybe her skull is hinged like a snake’s, realigning at her will to transfix or engulf her prey? Brrr ….

Mark Trail, 11/17/12

Mark will go fishing with anybody but Rusty. And he sincerely believes somebody orbited a “Find Mark Trail” satellite like he’s Waldo or something. But despite long years of experience, he can’t tell who are the good guys and who are the bad. Here, Mark — let me help, and maybe you will put in a good word for me on that day of wrath?

Psst, Mark … it’s the facial hair. You’ll figure it out eventually — you always do, big fella.

— Uncle Lumpy