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Blondie, 12/19/23

Of the legacy comics characters out there, Blondie has a less expressive face than most — I think the word I’d use to describe it most of the time is “rictus” — but it seems clear that she’s pretty gobsmacked in the final panel, right? Like the scales have fallen from her eyes and she realizes what a bum her husband is. She works her fingers to the bone all day building a successful small business and has to cook for the biggest glutton in this nameless, soulless suburb, and now she finds out that every supposed slander her husband’s boss has laid out about him has been true all this time! And yet he still collects his fat, steady salary. The nerve! The absolute nerve!

Hi and Lois, 12/19/23

Speaking of facial expressions and suburban ennui, I like the emotional roller coaster Hi is on here. He already knew there wasn’t a bonus check in that box, and he thought had settled into the appropriate level of despair. But upon opening it, he discovered he was still capable of shock.

Family Circus, 12/19/23

I know that “smug” is Billy’s primary non-sullen facial expression and it usually isn’t appropriate, but it seems particularly inappropriate here. “Heh heh,” he seems to be thinking, “Santa loves the fact that I keep changing my mind and he’s had to retool my Christmas haul multipe times.” No he doesn’t, Billy! Nobody would like that!

Shoe, 12/19/23

Excited to see that Roz has transcended the goggle eyes of horror and has achieved the bulging eyes of murderous rage. Well deserved, too! Shoe, she just wanted your expertise as the editor of a failing newspaper to help her price her new entry into the competitive pre-made frozen meal market! There’s no reason to be a dick about it!

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Slylock Fox, 12/11/23

I think we all (and by “we all” I mean “me and you hapless fools who somehow cannot get enough of my Slylock Fox commentary”) have long ago agreed that the animals of Slylock Fox are living in the ruins of our own civilization. In our ongoing discussion of this strip, we seek to determine which technologies and social habits they have retained which they have rejected or have failed to keep working. Today, for instance, we learn that the animals understand intuitively that operating automobiles is a dangerous business that must be regulated by the state, and yet have apparently lost the capacity to manufacture or use the simple radar gun. Instead, the police must detain anyone suspected of reckless driving until one of the higher animals arrive, in the hopes of getting the offender to offer an anecdote that serves as an accidental confession when subjected to basic algebraic analysis. Seems like an overly elaborate way to run a highway patrol to me, but in this reality I would almost certainly have had my face eaten off by a beaver in the process of achieving sapience long ago, so it wouldn’t be my problem.

Shoe, 12/11/23

If you’re asking about the original Fantasy Island series, Shoe, it broadcast its last episode on Mary 19, 1984. There have been occasional attempts at a revival, but none were anywhere near as popular as the original, and the latest reboot was cancelled on May 8, 2023, after two seasons. Or are you asking what happened to the world of Fantasy Island, its compelling and mysterious setting, after the cameras stopped rolling? Well, my friend, you might want to explore the rich world of fan art and fan fiction, on World Wide Web sites such as DeviantArt, Tumblr dot com, and An Archive Of Our Own! Truly, amazing new worlds limited only by our collective imaginations await you!

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Dustin, 12/10/23

A problem in comics in which nobody ages is that the viewpoint characters birth year gets later and later, even though their creators get older and older, creating an increasingly dissonant portrayal. This just gets exacerbated in strips like Dustin, which were deliberately created to do Generation Gap commentary, and whose Boomers vs. Millennials origin has now drifted confusingly into Gen X vs. Zoomers without getting any of the signifiers right. Like, Dustin’s parents now are clearly in the early-to-mid 50s, an age range I know [cough] a little bit about, and I’m here to tell you that in 2023 those people are not the ones somehow leaving the house without their wallet but with a checkbook. Anyway, I guess the final panel is supposed to be from the viewpoint of the customer service worker, who’s visualizing Helen as being from a different era, but I’m choosing to believe that Helen is actually so charmed by the fancy, old-fashioned process of writing a check that she feels like a pretty, pretty princess.

Dennis the Menace, 12/10/23

Look, I understand that the daily and Sunday strips for many legacy properties are done by entirely separate creative teams because … well, actually, I don’t understand why that happens, but I do understand that it’s a thing that does happen, and I think that if it does, the daily people and the Sunday people should check in with each other once in a while, you know?

Shoe, 12/10/23

I actually really appreciate the way that Skyler locks heavy-lidded eyes with us in the little mini-panel in the middle of this strip. “Brace yourself for the punchline,” he’s telling us. “It’s gonna suck ass.”