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Shoe, 12/9/22

I suppose it’s possible that immediately before the action we see here in the strip, Loon was pridefully boasting of his achievements or good qualities to this bird-priest and earned this stern rebuke. But his posture (slouched, staring off into the middle distance, seemingly unaware that the bird-priest is even there) makes me doubt that. From context, it seems like this clergybird is just quoting (misquoting, actually) judgemental bible verses at random. If this is the state of bird Christianity, it’s no wonder that bird Judaism is flourishing.

Judge Parker, 12/9/22

This dude in the vest is some former Sam Driver client whose name I can’t be bothered to remember or look up and who now serves as his guide through the seedy Cavelton criminal underworld. He says it’s too dangerous for him to tell Sam the details he needs, but fortunately for Sam and us he simply cannot let an exposition-prompt such as “like they went after Judge Duncan” pass him by. Sure he could’ve just said “Yep!” while smiling tightly, but who could resist the chance to dish out “Oh, you mean Judge Meth-Head, the judge who loves to buy meth?” gossip to someone who clearly hasn’t heard it yet.

Gil Thorp, 12/9/2

“Look at that! Oh, right, you can’t, because nobody drew it. Well, take our word for it, it was pretty cool.”

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Dennis the Menace, 11/4/22

I actually think it’s more or less fine to do a syndicated newspaper strip that takes place in some kind of permanent 1950s boomer childhood fantasy world, especially for legacy strips that were born in that era anyway. I do feel like if you’re going to have a 1950s housewife tending to a rascally little tyke in overalls who’s allowed to roam the suburban neighborhood freely with a slingshot, the price you pay is that you can’t have said tyke mouth off about “the supply chain” or whatever. It’s too stale to be actually topical but topical enough that Dennis definitely shouldn’t be talking about it, which puts it in an uncanny valley spot that’s ironically pretty menacing, just not the kind of menacing I like.

The Lockhorns, 11/4/22

Meanwhile, because I contain multitudes, I love it when The Lockhorns get vaguely contemporary. Leroy losing all his money in a crypto scam? Yes, yes I say, give me more of this. The Lockhorns are Millennials after all, so it adds up.

Dustin, 11/4/22

Speaking of topical matters, I did a piece in 2020 about the initial wave of the COVID pandemic and the comics, but didn’t broach the subject that maybe I should’ve: what if a comic character actually died of COVID? I think possibly the funniest possible way for Dustin to dramatically stop publishing would’ve been to have its unloved title character die of wild-type COVID in April 2020, unmourned by his family or his temp agency. Sadly, in late 2022, this is probably just a cold, or at worst an Omicron infection that he’s vaccinated against and will get over, but fingers crossed that he’s maybe got that mutant flu/RSV hybrid that’s going around and we’ll be freed from this strip’s nonsense.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/4/22

Very sad that Summer has chosen a book topic that will require her to interview all her dad’s insufferable old friends, but I suppose the big reveal that the town’s mailman was violating federal law and everyone’s privacy for decades will at least result in a flurry of local sales interest.

Shoe, 11/4/22

I love it when the TV announces that regular programming has been pre-empted for some undisclosed reason and also refuses to tell me what it’s been replaced by, a normal occurrence that happens in real life all the time. Anyway, do you think today’s strip falls into the distressingly frequent Shoe category of “It’s fucked up that they have birds doing this joke”? Discuss.

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Hi and Lois, 10/30/22

I know it’s not considered “woke” to define a woman in terms of her husband, but I think we can all agree that the Bride of Frankenstein is almost entirely known for being married to Frankenstein’s monster. It’s right there in her name! So Hi’s choice to dress up as Bela Lugosi’s Dracula is an interesting one, and seems to tell us a lot about what kind of party they’re going to where kids are very much not welcome. (It’s a swingers party, and the theme is classic Universal horror characters, just so we’re absolutely clear on that.)

Shoe, 10/30/22

Look, I’m on the record as being very concerned about Skyler’s home life, so maybe I’m being oversensitive, but I think if your friend tells you that being (presumably) orphaned and forced to live with a neglectful, aging uncle is “one big horror movie,” I’d express some sincere concern about his safety rather than just cracking wise. On the other hand, it’s pretty clear that the friend is right here and the Perfesser is dead, so Skyler may be destined for a group home situation that may frankly be even worse than what he’s gone through so far.

Mary Worth, 10/30/22

Good (?) news, everyone! Zak isn’t going to fall to his death! Iris (and God, I guess) saved him! And she’s definitely going to marry him now! She’s learned that life is truly unpredictable, and while it seemed unlikely that he would predecease her, inheritance is a lot simpler between spouses and he’s got a lot of money, so why take that chance?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/30/22

Is my pro Mud Mountain Murphy position still going to hold now that I’ve learned that he’s horny? Tentatively yes, but I’ll be keeping a close eye on the situation to see how it develops.

Daddy Daze, 10/30/22

“Anyway, you know why we broke up? It’s so I can just go inside and leave him there and not have to deal with this at all.”