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Mary Worth, 6/14/21

Oh hell yeah, it’s Shauna, everybody! Surely you’ve remembered Jeff’s little story about Drew’s ex Shauna, who was wild and demanding and also liked to steal stuff. Now she’s standing in front of the People’s Clinic bold as brass, looking all sexy in an … off the shoulder … sweatshirt? … and two tone bike shorts? … anyway, it’s simultaneously completely insane and also makes Ashlee look like a God-damned nun. Do you think that Shauna is here to provide a good role model to Ashlee of a grifter who truly commits to the bit? I hope so! Shauna went to jail, Ashlee! If she finds out you returned Drew’s watch because you felt bad about his dead mom, she’ll laugh in your face.

Shoe, 6/14/21

One thing you gotta respect about Shoe is that its cast of bird-people is just obviously crushingly depressed at all times, whether they’re slouching in front of the TV or getting out into nature in an attempt get some fresh air and maybe to feel something. Anyway, the good news is that if the Perfesser and his nephew ultimately die of exposure, the meat in their backpacks will rot before their flesh, so they won’t be too decomposed when the dogs find their bodies.

Family Circus, 6/14/21

I was about to be outraged by this blatant anti-American parody, but then I realized Jeffy wasn’t pledging allegiance to the Stars and Stripes at all, but rather to the Thin Black Line flag, which honors our referees, umpires, and other sporting officials, so I guess I can’t complain too much.

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Shoe, 6/12/21

OK, first thing’s first: any legacy comics artist convinced they’re going to be on the cutting edge with a cryptocurrency joke has to acknowledge that Snuffy Smith did it first more than six years ago, and, frankly, did it better. Second, if Mort’s new proposed “alternatives for money” aren’t based on distributed computing and the blockchain, then he’s just trading one kind of fiat currency for another! Sure, he could print his own novelty CorpseBux or whatever that customers could trade for funerary services add-ons, but as long as they’re pegged to the dollar, his mortuary business is still under the tyrannical thumb of the Federal Reserve and the Bilderberg Group.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/12/21

For the past week, Harry Dinkle and his wife have been going on and on about his plan to attend a big band directors’ conference in Pasadena. Every day it was annoying, but every day when I was tempted to write about it here, I thought “No, I’m gonna hold out, I bet it gets worse.” Folks, I’m proud that my restraint means I get to present you with … this. Enjoy your weekend!

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Shoe, 5/22/21

Syndicated newspaper comics are, generally speaking, a relic from an earlier age, when there were only three TV networks and the goal for most entertainment was to be as broadly appealing as possible. But now it’s all about finding your passionate niche audience, and the strips are working to adapt. For instance, are you not yet vaccinated against COVID-19 but still open to the idea, and also you’ve always wanted to fuck one of the bird-people from Shoe? Well, today’s strip is for you.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/22/21

NEXT WEEK: REX MORGAN, M.D., PRESENTS: KITTY COP: THE POSTPONENING