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Shoe, 5/17/15

This is your occasional reminder that the owners of the intellectual property rights to the Blondie comic strip attempted to make a Dagwood Sandwiches restaurant chain happen, and it all ended in lawsuits and acrimony.

Gasoline Alley and Mark Trail, 5/17/15

This is your occasional reminder that there are thousands — millions — of insects, and they’re coming — they’re coming for you and your livelihood. They’re crawling everywhere. And who’s going to stop them? The government? You believe their promises? Fools, you’re all fools!

Hey, guys, I’m going on vacation! Uncle Lumpy will be here slingin’ jokes while I gallivant about. So be nice! I’ll be back on the 29th, assuming the insects haven’t devoured us all by then! (The insects will definitely have devoured us all.)

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Judge Parker, 4/12/15

As hero commenter Calvin’s Cardboard Box has meticulously documented, there are some discrepancies in this week’s story about how the evil Honey Ballenger is going to steal away Sophie’s boyfriend Derek using her sexual wiles while Sophie is stuck in this trailer park, the most obvious being that Derek is actually Honey’s boyfriend, not Sophie’s, despite Sophie’s brazen boast that she was going to steal Derek away from her. Anyway, Sam is just glad this little drama is about his daughter’s emotional life and not something important, like a high-quality laser printer that works on the go.

Shoe, 4/12/15

The best thing about the “Perfesser watches TV” installments of Shoe isn’t the jokes (obviously); it’s the overwhelming sense of despair that permeates the whole thing, as he slouches down into the chair and stares with heavy-lidded disdain at the screen that’s lighting up the otherwise darkened room. The way he’s just resting his hand in the bag of chips is a really nice touch today. How long do you think it’s been there? Hours?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/12/15

At last! It’s the meeting of the “Kelly is bullied at school” and “Kelly has sworn allegiance to a violent criminal organization” plots that we never knew we wanted until this moment.

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Mark Trail, 4/11/15

OH MY GOD MARK TURNED DOWN PANCAKES???? There’s only one possible explanation: bugs are gross, and Mark’s gonna have to deal with bugs, so he doesn’t want to barf up some perfectly good pancakes. MARK TRAIL FINALLY ADMITS THAT THERE’S SOME PART OF NATURE THAT’S ICKY, EVERYBODY

Mary Worth, 4/11/15

You know, Adam, if you care this much about Congressman McDugal, you can help him in other ways! Probably after your heroics he could arrange for a staffing job in his office. Or maybe you could work on his campaign! What better fundraising speech could there be than the man who literally sacrificed his body for the congressman explaining why he’s so passionate about the man’s agenda? You are more than a slab of bullet-stopping meat, Adam!

Shoe, 4/11/15

“Also, you’re constantly in danger of violence, both from fellow prisoners and from guards! Our dangerous prison system turns a blind eye to this sad state of affairs! But mostly it’s the clothes thing. Ladies be shopping, and be wanting to shop even when their penal detention prevents them from doing so, amiright?”