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Judge Parker, 1/30/23

JUDGE PARKER PLOT RECAP SPEEDRUN: The Spencer-Drivers were all gathered at Abby’s compound contemplating their next move vis-a-vis the whole “crooked cops and meth dealers are after them” business, when a drunken Detective Yelich went and kidnapped the traumatized son of Judge Meth who’s the only witness to his family’s murder, in an attempt to lure Judge Meth to the compound, except it turns out that’s exactly what Judge Meth wanted, and so he’s here now holding Sophie at gunpoint, and now suddenly the traumatized son is slightly less catatonic. Sure would be funny if the initial thought that the son was the murderer was correct, and he resolves this whole dilemma neatly by killing his father. Turns out he just loves murdering his family members! He just can’t get enough of it!

Six Chix, 1/30/23

Imagine if you lived in a universe where everything — your house, your food, the landscape around you — was made up of the exact same material as your flesh. What would “homemade” mean in that scenario? It sure would be [lowers sunglasses like David Caruso on CSI: Miami] chilling.

Gil Thorp, 1/30/23

“Look at the beautiful flag flying in the breeze, Dr. Pearl. I tell you what, there’s nothing more American that forcing students to engage in feats of physical strength for the amusement of others in order to fund extra-curricular activities that could’ve been paid for by the district’s budget if the town hadn’t voted down the last four school bond issues.”

Crock, 1/30/23

Between this strip and the one from a couple weeks ago about iPods, you have to imagine that the Crock creative team spent the turn of the century terrified that the rising generation would focus so much attention on their devices that they wouldn’t care if they killed themselves or someone else in the process. And in a sense, didn’t they turn out to be right? Well, no, but it’s fun to think about Crock saying “eenternet ‘ookup” in a cartoonish French accent, so I’ll allow it.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/11/23

Look, I get it, if you were in charge of a century-old comics property about hillbillies, you’d have the urge to add new stuff occasionally, which is why we get things like Spark Plug’s Grandson Li’l Sparky. But I refuse to believe that I’ve been reading strips about the tiny, insular hamlet of Hootin’ Holler for more than a decade at this point and this is the first I’ve heard about one of the main characters having a twin sister! Yeah, they have been playing tricks, Loweezy … playing tricks on me, the reader, by pretending they’ve both been living in this town all along! And I don’t appreciate it.

Mary Worth, 1/11/23

“Iris. You know, my friend, Iris? The one who got married here today? Looks like it’s time to ship you off to that facility I’ve already picked out; fortunately I tricked you into signing that power of attorney form a few months back.”

Six Chix, 1/11/23

The thing about puns is that the worse they are, the better they are, making them completely immune to criticism, and the thing about having a syndicated newspaper strip is that if you think of a bad pun, you can draw a cartoon of it and get paid. I’mnot saying I like today’s Six Chix, but I do have to respect it.

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Blondie, 12/1/22

I have to admit I find it interesting how Dagwood and Mr. Dithers silo off different types of interactions in their relationship. At the workplace, of course, it’s all falling asleep and emotional abuse. But a heartfelt, man-to-man discussion about their marriages and what makes them tick? That’s reserved for the formal dinners at white tablecloth restaurants that they have with alarming regularity for no reason anyone can fathom or explain.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/1/22

The general store is Hootin’ Holler’s only tenuous contact with the outside world and its money-based economic system, so you can forgive the locals for assuming that, if any new-fangled thing they hear rumors about ever arrives in the Holler, it will do so by manifesting on Silas’s shelves.

Six Chix, 12/1/22

Part of my job as a comics curmudgeon is to point out when a truly baffling Six Chix is truly baffling in a fun way. This is one of them! Sorry, I don’t make the rules, it just is. Ha ha, she bought a long blue wig and doesn’t know why!