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Archive: Six Chix

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Sorry, this is a gross one, but some things NEED SAYING

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Six Chix, 7/22/23

One of the fundamental gimmicks of the comics is to provide human-level thought capabilities to animals and plants and even inanimate objects, which is all very good, but the reason that, for instance, yesterday’s piss play Six Chix was so off-putting is that it provided that sort of consciousness to a tree, which normally you don’t even think about when you let your dog piss on it, but now you’ve been given a window to a world where the tree might have opinions about being pissed on, and it’s not a view anyone wanted! Anyway, not to dwell on it, but, Six Chix, what are you doing, why are these animals having conversations in human language about eating poop, I’m begging you to step back from the brink.

Marvin, 7/22/23

And babies! Babies are the same deal! An actual preverbal infant pissing himself: fine, normal, you take it in stride; a Marvin character baby pissing himself and saying “I’m doing this for the attention!”: gross, horrible, why is this happening, how can we make it stop?

Curtis, 7/22/23

OK, in non-piss news, this one is going to require a bit of setup, but: Curtis got a summer job working at a sea turtle rescue org, and there was a sea turtle who had lost a flipper and who was always very depressed but got happy when Curtis was around, and it first they thought it was in love with Curtis, but then it turned out it just loved his trademark green hat, so everyone else who worked there got one too. But then they also figured out that it would be happier if they gave it a prosthetic fin? Which makes you wonder why they didn’t just do that in the first place?? They’re literally an organization that rescues and cares for sea turtles??? And their first thought was hat-based therapy????

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Don’t know if I can … BEAR this escalation! Ho ho

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Six Chix, 7/21/23

When I started this blog [mumblety mumble] years ago, there was still a prevailing ethos that comics strips were, in fact, for kids, even though most of their readers were actually adults, and part of my job, as the Comics Curmudgeon, was to bring to your attention the occasional instance when a comic strip was very obviously not for kids. Anyway, today it’s [mumblety mumble] years later, and that prevailing ethos has largely been cast aside, and not replaced with anything yet because the old world is dying and the new world is struggling to be born, but we’re all gonna sort of keep on going in the meantime, so I’m still going to use this blog to tell you when a newspaper comic strip does a joke about piss stuff. “What’s wrong with me?” wonders a tree sadly, watching all its fellow trees getting pissed on. Not sure if we’re supposed to think the other trees are also sapient or, if they are, whether or not they’re into getting pissed on. Look at all that piss, though! They really just went and … drew it, huh.

Judge Parker, 7/21/23

I’ve definitely criticized post-Woody Wilson Judge Parker of being pretty low stakes, so I have to give the strip credit for really jacking up the stakes in an almost logarithmic progression lately. Oh, did Sam and Abbey’s sex vacation get derailed when someone rammed into their car? Oh, did the person who rammed them abandon a small child? Did the child’s kidnapper show up with a knife? Oh, are all of them going to get mauled to death by a fucking bear???? Tune in tomorrow when all life on Earth is wiped out by a massive asteroid impact, probably!

Dennis the Menace, 7/21/23

Dennis would certainly recognize a picture of the mustachio’d grandfather we see visiting fairly regularly, so I assume that that’s Alice’s dad, and Henry is showing Dennis a photo of his dad, who is dead, which makes this one of the most menacing Dennis responses I think I’ve ever seen.

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“Hath fallen” is the past tense, which also doesn’t work

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Slylock Fox, 7/6/23

I have come to accept that, in the post-Animalpocalypse world of Slylock Fox, one of the Transformations is that the relative sizes of the various vertebrate creatures seems to have changed in inconsistent and inscrutable ways — so that, for instance, Slylock Fox and Cassandra Cat are more or less as tall as the few remaining humans, while Max Mouse remains a tiny rodent, albiet one wearing shorts and an adorable little hat custom-made for his tiny noggin. But what still unnerves me are the giant insects. I didn’t care for Count Weirdly’s mega-bee and I don’t care for whatever dog-sized bug is marring this otherwise idyllic scene. Not into it! Not into it at all!

Six Chix, 7/6/23

A fun fact is that verb forms like “hath” used to just be how normal people talked but once they fell into disuse and were only encountered by most people in Chaucer or Shakespeare or the King James Bible, they got coded in our collective minds as “literary.” What I’m trying to say is that there ought to be a better way to mark out this chicken as a lover of literature. Maybe you could just show him reading a book?

Mary Worth, 7/6/23

“I’m going to go down to the station and update them on all the wild, evidence-free speculation we’ve been doing over the past few days and demand they take action based on it. Cops love that shit, is my understanding!”