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Six Chix, 9/2/19

I am not comfortable with the whimsical, knowing look the lady on the right is giving us in this panel. Combined with her weirdly phrased dialogue, it makes the whole thing fairly sinister, to be honest! “Hee hee, our picnic has been [a odd chittering undertone, almost impossible to hear, is in her voice for the following word] selected by the marching ants! Will they march us into their underground city? Will their tiny chitinous legs sweep over our naked bodies, down there in the dark, until we no longer feel them individually, until they just feel like a swift, running stream? Will eventually our minds, our very selves, be dissolved into their collective consciousness erasing us but somehow making us something greater than we could’ve ever imagined? Who knows how our picnic will be [voice suddenly drops five octaves] TRANSFORMED”

Mary Worth, 9/2/19

Oh my God, has anxious Dawn postponed the “what are we doing with this relationship” conversation with Hugo to the drive to the airport? This is simultaneously absolutely hilarious and also so relatable to me personally that it makes my stomach hurt, almost as much as Dawn’s stomach is hurting right now.

Mark Trail, 9/2/19

Wow, looks like the private equity fund that bought Woods and Wildlife after its corporate parent went bankrupt has come up with a new strategy to juice pageviews, and it’s “Find (and, if possible, kill) animals that don’t actually exist.” Now, most people are reading this strip and thinking “HOLY COW MARK TRAIL IS GONNA PUNCH THE BEARD OFF A HIMALAYAN CRYPTID” but I’m much more interested in Dr. Camel. He’s a camel with a Ph.D.!!!!

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Six Chix, 8/28/19

“It’s Funky Winkerbean. Something called ‘Lisa’s Story.'”

Dennis the Menace, 8/28/19

Dennis may be getting the hang of this “menace” thing. And Margaret’s intrigued.

Hägar the Horrible, 8/28/19

“OK, Lucky Eddie — check in with Dennis upstairs.”

Mark Trail, 8/28/19

Cherry is enjoying this far too much. She can’t wait to get back online at boards.4chan.org/woodsandwildlife and post, “Actually, Mark ….”

That’s it for me; Josh will be back rested and fresh as as a daisy tomorrow morning. Thank you all for a lovely time, and special thanks to everybody who contributed to the fundraiser — your support makes a big difference, and is much appreciated.

— Uncle Lumpy

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So ends the Comics Curmudgeon 2019 Summer Fundraiser — Thank you for your generous support!

Six Chix, 8/24/19

Never mind joy, that blouse is sparking some serious anger. I’d love to know the backstory here: was the blouse a gift from an ex before a bitter breakup? A reminder of some humiliating public wardrobe malfunction? A hand-me-down from a hated elder sister? Or is she just feeling resentful at being pushed around by some weepy co-dependent rag? Jeez, lady, it hasn’t fit you in fifteen years!

Judge Parker, 8/24/19

First-time offender Alan Parker confessed, before any charges were filed, that he helped Norton here fake his own death. What is that, worst case maybe honest services fraud? But the judge in the case — a former colleague of Parker’s — denied his request for bail and threw him in the penitentiary until his trial. And now Norton plans to unwind all that by lying to the court that he made him do it?

Neddy wrote this, right? It’s a plot twist and we’re just reading her screenplay. Please?

Mark Trail, 8/24/19

Pluggers

Sally Forth, 8/24/19

Jackie wants to buy “Small Wonders,” her friend/boss Tasha’s vanity business. She hasn’t done the research. She hasn’t talked to the necessary people. She is still Sally’s lost little sister.

Jackie is the Fredo Corleone of Sally Forth, making Sally its Michael and Ted its … no no no, that won’t work at all; let me start over …

— Uncle Lumpy