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Dick Tracy, 2/1/16

The old Dick Tracy, by which I mean the relatively recent Dick Tracy of the ’00s as written and drawn by Dick Locher, was insanely violent. Villains were killed via fire, explosion, vicious dogs, mind erasure, bulldozer, suffocation or burns or however you die from falling head first into a smokestack, and, perhaps most memorably, via rats, lots and lots of hungry rats. Am I saying that I’m sad that the new creative team has for the most part toned down the carnage? Mostly no, but a little yes. And the little part of me that’s yes is particularly disappointed that this new storyline suddenly involves a cop who “does undercover work regarding music copyright infringement,” which sounds like the dorkiest form of undercover police work possible. “Hey, fellow teens, my names John Springstein — no relationship to Bruce, ha ha, because it’s spelled differently! Speaking of which, you guys know where I can illegally download some MP3s from Tunnel of Love?’ “Don’t worry,” one of the teens whispers to the others, “we can trust him. Only a real desperate character would wear that vest.”

Six Chix, 2/1/16

“Hey, that’s my phone! And that’s a pigeon and a rat, once one of the most common species in existence, now extinct after that supernova destroyed the Earth! Scientists decided not to bring any live specimens on the vast spaceship where we live now, which will carry our descendents to the Sirius system over the next several centuries. And since there are communications panels every ten meters or so in the corridors where we’ll spend the rest of our days, we don’t need phones anymore, either!”

Beetle Bailey, 2/1/16

You know who else saw from the top of a mountain that he could be king of the world but then rejected that power? Jesus Christ. Just something to think about. Not saying that Beetle Bailey is the Messiah, but, you know, not saying he isn’t, either.

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Dennis the Menace, 1/31/16

After seeing the graphic in the title panel, I was extremely disappointed that this comic is about an old man grousing about technology until his irritating neighbor shows up. Clearly it should be about Mr. Wilson travelling back in time and preventing Henry and Alice from meeting so Dennis is never born.

Shoe, 1/31/16

Ha ha! It’s funny because a dog beloved by schoolchildren died!

B.C., 1/31/16

Ha ha! It’s funny because they thought their friend had died, but he hadn’t, and they don’t seem to care that much one way or another about it!

Six Chix, 1/31/16

WHY IS THE PIG’S TONGUE HANGING OUT

DO PIGS’ TONGUES REALLY DO THAT

IF SO WHY ISN’T THE OTHER ONE’S TONGUE ALSO HANGING OUT

BY THE WAY DON’T GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH “PIG TONGUE,” THE RESULTS ARE SUPER GROSS

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B.C., 1/22/18

As I’ve noted in the past here, there are three members of the B.C. main cast — Thor, Peter, and the title character — who are drawn almost exactly alike and have no really distinctive personality traits, and thus I can never tell them apart, despite the fact that I’ve read this strip daily for more than ten years. That’s why I’m very much in favor of the strip’s new policy of having these guys refer to each other by name in every conversation! Too bad it’s only happening now, just as B.C. and Peter have entombed themselves in a midden than they’ve built on a desolate, snow-covered landscape.

Six Chix, 1/22/18

OK, I’m vaguely disgusted with how human bodies and biological life in general works, but I try not to get grossed out by the miracle of reproduction. Still, this is weird, right? Just a bunch of pregnant life forms, lying around, bulging in a fecund manner? Do fish even carry eggs internally at any stage in their lifecycle? How’d that rat in the terrarium (?) get pregnant? Was there a big insemination party for all these guys? WHY IS THIS A JOKE? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING