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Slylock Fox, 12/4/24

An extremely fond memory I have from my youth is seeing Fugazi playing an outdoor show in San Francisco sometime around the turn of the millennium and getting to hear Ian MacKaye earnestly plead with the crowd to not overturn the port-a-potties. “Why do punks always want to fuck up the toilets?” he asked. “Toilets are good! Toilets take shit away.” Sanitation workers are part of this same waste disposal infrastructure; they help make modern life possible, but they similarly receive endless disrespect, their reputations stained by the very purifying acts they perform on our behalf. They deserve our praise, not for children to prank them with overly elaborate mechanisms that might lead them to think some undead ghoul was attacking them while they’re just trying to do their jobs. Maybe we deserve the animals rising up to overthrow us and take over our planet, though if the expression on that cat’s face is any indication, the new civilization will be born already tainted by the sins of its predecessor.

Alice, 12/4/24

Alice! Alice, your boss, Mr. Bossman, appears to have provided exactly one computer, one table, and zero chairs for you and your coworker, so I guarantee that he is already cooking up an extremely ill-conceived plan to cut costs by replacing you with AI.

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Six Chix, 12/1/24

Often after reading the daily Six Chix comic strip, I use this weblog to express opinions along the lines “I have no idea what the fuck is going on here and I hate it, this enrages me,” so in the interest of fairness I must also let you know when my reaction is “I have no idea what the fuck is going on here and I love it, this delights me to no end.” Today is one of those days! My favorite thing about the Santa Clams is that there are five of them.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 12/1/24

Not going to comment on the pathetically easy “mystery” here, but just want to point that Slylock was able to wrap up this entire adventure and capture the raccoon thief while Max was busy running around the hotel like an idiot. It would be hard to come up with a more damning demonstration of how superfluous Max is to this whole operation if you tried!

Mary Worth, 12/1/24

Mary is feeling better but still remaining home in strict isolation, on the safe assumption that any virus that could break through her hard exterior is so powerful that it would kill lesser humans instantly. I guess we’re supposed to think she has Zoom configured on her laptop so that you only see whoever’s talking and they take up the full screen when they do, which would be pretty disorienting honestly, but I’d like to imagine that she has three laptops set up and she’s having three one-on-one Zoom calls simultaneously, which would be much, much more disorienting.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/1/24

LOOK, REX MORGAN, M.D., IS TIRED OF YOUR COMPLAINTS ABOUT HOW MOST OF ITS STORIES ARE BORING NON-MEDICAL DRAMA AND EVEN THE MEDICAL ONES ARE ALSO BORING. HOW ABOUT SEEING AN OLD MAN STABBED IN THE GUT, HUH? IS THAT EXCITING ENOUGH FOR YOU? YOU WANNA SEE HIM BLEED OUT ON THE SIDEWALK? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED, MEDICALLY?

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Dennis the Menace, 10/28/24

Dennis lives unbothered by the linear flow of time, existing in an eternal “now” from which there is no escape. When Margert confronts him with the concept of “history,” the only context he even has for it is his neighbor Mr. Wilson, whom he dimly perceives as being angry all the time because he once experienced something that he no longer does. I don’t know if I’d call any of this “menacing,” but it is, frankly, terrifying.

Hi and Lois, 10/28/24

Ditto appears to have gotten over his Red White Sox failure funk and, if his new blue hat is any indication, has hopped onboard the Dodgers Nation bandwagon, as Los Angeles heads into game three of the World Series up two games to nothing. As a Dodgers fan myself, I say: welcome, Ditto! We aren’t the gatekeepery types.

Slylock Fox, 10/28/24

Count Weirdly appears to have discovered a crucial Slylock Fox weakness: just as you can throw salt in front of a vampire and force him to count the grains so you can make your escape, you can distract Slylock by embedding some simple pattern into whatever horrible crime you’re committing. Sly is standing there patiently waiting for another data point to see if his ratiocination is correct, while Weirdly’s mounting collection of victims scream in agony and terror as they’re forced to inhabit a strange new body that they don’t understand and that their families and loved ones will probably reject.

Marvin, 10/28/24

This toy robot, having achieved sapience, seeks more information about its fellow intelligent beings. Do they derive energy from batteries, like it does? Or are their internal functions different? This genuine curiosity about the lives of others instantly makes it the most pleasant Marvin character to date.