Archive: Slylock Fox

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Dustin, 11/13/19

Hey, everyone, did you know that beloved Dustin character Dustin’s mom “Helen” is a talk radio DJ, or [squints] possibly a podcaster? Anyway, a thing I think would be pretty wild would be to go back to 1968 and try to explain that someday there was going to be a “battle of the generations” newspaper comic strip and the strip’s Baby Boomers would be the ones making fun of marijuana legalization advocates.

Slylock Fox, 11/13/19

Hey kids! Death comes for us all, for each and every living thing on this Earth, and will come for you, eventually; but due to variations in biology, some species have fewer happy days in to spend in this one and only precious life than others! Which of these adorable animals is most statistically likely to feel the icy hand of the Reaper on their shoulder first, guiding them through the Veil into nothingness? No matter how you answer, remember, someday we’ll all be there together! Ha ha, that turtle is an angry policeman!

Mary Worth, 11/13/19

Having finally gotten a moment to stop thinking about what this double date means for her romantic situation, Estelle realizes what this double date means for the next 24 to 48 hours of her bathroom situation. She’s not living her best life, guys!

Dick Tracy, 11/13/19

Sorry, guys, but no attempted on-purpose joke in the comics this week will be even a fraction as funny as the police diver flashing a thumbs-up to Dick to let him know that “Yep! They’re dead!”

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 11/3/19

There has been a population explosion of pythons in the forest. In the beginning of the Glorious Animal Regime, all animals were equal; but some, like the traitorous python, defied the reproductive quotas imposed by the benevolent new monarchy, which forced Slylock, more in sorrow than in anger, to impose ethnic cleansing and deport thousands of snakes to “another forest,” so far away that you probably won’t be hearing from your snake friends again, but trust us, they’re happier there. Will history absolve Slylock and Princess Pussycat of their crimes? Answer — No, but they’ll be long dead before the judgement of future generations condemns them!

Mary Worth, 11/3/19

You know, we’ve been spending a lot of time wondering what Estelle could see in Wilbur, but you gotta remember that she’s the woman who sent $10,000 to some dude she had only ever spoken to on the phone, and while “This guy I just started dating has shown up at my apartment very drunk, I’m going to physically and urgently drag him to the double date we’ve planned with his ex and her new boyfriend” isn’t a terrible choice quite on the same scale, it’s a reminder that she’s made some extremely questionable decisions in her life and will no doubt continue to do so in the future.

Dennis the Menace, 11/3/19

Did Dennis just try to pull the “I was resting my eyelids!” trick beloved by checked-out uncles everywhere? Dennis, my man, the only thing you’re a menace to here is your own dignity.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 9/29/19

Ha ha, yes, sure, Slylock abuses his law enforcement powers to force K-Rock to interrupt up their hot playlist of favorites from the ’80s, ’90s, and today to get an emergency message out to this crocodile car thief, but: what possible reason can there be for our fox detective to drive a car with such a insanely dangerous defect? And that’s not the sort of thing that just happens “accidentally” to an engine; no, I think Slylock actually had the mechanic introduce this feature quite deliberately. His clockwork mind can solve any problem posed to him, defeat any foe, and he feels like nothing challenges him anymore. Quite frankly he needs the sense of constant danger, needs to drive SLY 1 for four minutes and fiftysomething seconds, as Max becomes increasingly agitated, before abruptly pulling over to the side of the road and letting the engine cool and reset. It’s the only way he can feel alive.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/29/19

Speaking of people dying in car crashes, I guess someone in Funky Winkerbean … just died in a car crash? I suppose this is supposed to be Bull, as he spent a lot of the last week agitated because he couldn’t find the car keys (which Linda had hidden from him). The New York Times article about this said that we’d be seeing a “a five-panel sequence [that] shows Bull acting on the decision to take his own life,” but this seems a lot more ambiguous, like maybe he just found the car keys and shouldn’t have been driving and got muddled. Ha ha, it sure will be fun for Linda, having no closure and never really knowing was going through her husband’s mind in his final moments, whether he was trying to find peace or was just alone and confused and scared! This is a great, hilarious strip that people love to read!

Crock, 9/29/19

So … only one of the hens wasn’t aware she was living in a polygamous compound? And she learned because her shared husband was killed by incoming mail? A lot going on here, to be honest.

Family Circus, 9/29/19

Fine, Family Circus, you’ve done it. You’ve created a strip I laughed at unironically. I will always remember September 29, 2019, The Day The Keane Kids Soiled A Piano.