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Slylock Fox, 4/3/23

I genuinely love how flabbergasted Count Weirdly looks here. “Oh my god! Slylock Fox? The detective who foils literally every one of my dumb schemes? The one who I specifically set up a camera in order to detect? Here? Now?”

Dennis the Menace, 4/3/23

With those theatrical hand gestures and that hilarious wordplay, the only people these two will be menacing are the other players on the vaudeville circuit, as their old man/little kid double act takes the world by storm! (EDITORS NOTE: There is no more “vaudeville circuit” as such and has not been for many years)

Blondie, 4/3/23

I’m excited to see Blondie just give up on telling “jokes” altogether and instead become a comic presenting slices of life so mundane that the strip becomes a work of avant-garde art. I certainly hope that the entire remainder of the week consists of three panels a day of Dagwood staring at the microwave in silence, to really hammer home how long 90 seconds can last if you’re reasonably hungry.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/2/23

I dunno, man, I kind of doubt that the Forest Kingdom’s legal regime says you’re allowed to take away someone’s jar of nuts and weigh it just based on reasonable suspicion alone, but aren’t allowed to open it without a warrant. I kind of think Slylock is, once again, just showing off his ratiocination abilities here.

Hi and Lois, 4/2/23

I really enjoy how sour Dot looks in the final panel here! Like many English words, “season” is polysemous, and frankly Dot is not here for it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/2/23

Sooooo, what do we think, is that Rene in yet another of his wigs, or is Dr. Mirakle just some guy? Either way, since he’s managed to purge Mud’s mind of the darkness that allowed him to produce such emotionally complex hits as “Muddy Boots” and has left him so happy that all he can churn out is nonsense treacle, maybe one of those private seminars would be pretty helpful!

Dustin, 4/2/23

Oh, hey, just FYI, last year on a cruise Dustin’s dad’s dick, or his balls, or maybe both his dick and his balls, popped out of his swimsuit while he was out in public. We should obviously be thankful that we’re only hearing about this second hand, but honestly hearing about it second hand is no picnic either.

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Hi and Lois, 3/13/23

You know, I’ve often wondered how lovable disheveled loser Thirsty manages to hold down his job at Foofram Industries, but today we learn that by sheer force of not giving a shit he’s not only gainfully employed but has an office with a door and little desk sign that cheerfully proclaims his drinking problem to anyone who wanders in. Mr. Foofram is completely powerless against Thirsty’s utter lack of shame, and frankly a lot of us could take some pointers from him.

Dennis the Menace, 3/13/23

You know, “menacing” is communal process: it requires one party to behave in a potentially menacing fashion and another party to perceive those actions as menacing. So Dennis can trot this stuff out all he wants but if everyone is just going to titter indulgently, it’s not menacing. He’s clearly hoping for a theological escalation that he simply isn’t going to get at this drippy liberal Episcopalian parish his parents drag him to every week.

Gil Thorp, 3/13/23

Every team needs two kinds of assistant coaches: one who yells specific things you need to do, and another one that just yells general compliments. And thanks to their big fundraiser, the Mudlarks can now afford both, who hold down coaching duties on the sideline while Gil goes and takes a 25-minute “smoke break”.

Slylock Fox, 3/13/23

I love that, instead of drawing anything relevant to the logic puzzle he’s giving his class, Sly has just drawn an elaborately lifelike portrait of Count Weirdly on the whiteboard. “Blah blah fingerprints blah blah LOOK AT THIS FACE,” he says. “THIS FACE IS ALWAYS GUITLY. ONCE YOU SEE THE FACE JUST WORK YOUR WAY BACKWARDS TO SOMETHING VAGUELY PLAUSIBLE THEN LOCK HIM UP.”

Mary Worth, 3/13/23

“Your furry friends … [Mary pauses, then has a panicked thought that Wilbur and Dawn might have fursonas she doesn’t know about] … Pierre and Libby?”