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Panel from Slylock Fox, 7/12/20

Slylock isn’t panicking because he knows that, due to the square-cube law, you can’t simply make an animal bigger but keep its proportions and functions otherwise the same: its mass increases more quickly than its surface area, and the physics that allow its anatomy to work would simply fail in a much larger version of the creature. This poor monstrosity is no doubt dying in agony right now, its internal organs collapsing under their own weight! (If you’re wondering how Slylock being a human-sized fox fits in with all this, the answer is he’s actually normal fox sized and anything you see to the contrary is just Lord of the Rings-style forced perspective trickery.)

Dustin, 7/12/20

Dustin: come for the pointless intergenerational warfare, stay for an extremely unpleasant new euphemism for genitals!

Hagar the Horrible, 7/12/20

Another victory of the working class over the bosses who would divide them! War is a racket, kids!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/12/20

The greatest love story every written keeps getting more romantic, everybody

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Shoe, 6/8/20

As I’ve said here before, probably the thing I’ll be remembered for the longest is coining the term nephewism for a fictional scenario where a child lives with an uncle or aunt and their parents are neve mentioned, and while I used it first to identify the relationship between Peter Parker and Aunt May and Uncle Ben, it really applies to the Perfesser and Skyler in Shoe even better, as nobody ever made a series of Shoe movies starring Andrew Garfield as Skyler where they tried and largely failed to get people excited about what happened to his parents. Anyhoo, it seems like nephewism is hereditary in the Shoeniverse, as Roz assumes that the Perfesser is talking about his own uncle, who she probably knows as his own closest relative, and she assumes that he’s helping to care for him in his old age. But he’s not. We’ve never seen this uncle in this strip, and the Perfesser clearly never thinks about him much. He’s not his dad, after all. I think you can tell by his heavy-liddle look of despair that he might be starting to realize that someday Skyler will treat him the same way.

Mark Trail, 6/8/20

Folks, Mark has been really casual about Andy going missing and now we know why: he’s hoping to mine #content from the poor dog’s trauma! Mark can brag all he wants about writing being a “good career for me to provide for my family,” but nothing generates revenue like viral clickbait pet stories, so Andy better Incredible Journey it back to Lost Forest real quick.

Slylock Fox, 6/8/20

Wait, none of Count Weirdly’s fucked up inventions are grounded??? Good lord, it’s a miracle he hasn’t burned his castle down!

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Slylock Fox, 4/27/20

OK, fine, you know what, “throwing ice cubes at a parade” is an extremely low-grade crime, so I can understand why Slylock did not feel like he needed to personally follow up on the tip they got from a busybody rabbit neighbor or whatever, but: the suspect’s still a wolf, you know? A wolf who could eat Max in one very efficient bite, should he, say, catch the poor sidekick rodent attempting to open a refrigerator door that weighs easily 20 to 30 times more than he does. And yeah, I guess he’s a wolf who’s idea of sinister behavior is throwing ice cubes at a parade, but he’s also a wolf with a visible ham in the fridge who lives in a society where pigs are citizens with rights, so he might be more dangerous than you think.

Six Chix, 4/27/20

Look, it’s not secret that newspaper cartooning isn’t as lucrative as it once was. Sure, we’d like to think we have artistic integrity and all that, but if a nice man from the U.S. Poultry & Egg Association called you up one day and explained how some well-intentioned but overzealous laws about chicken living spaces are really hurting America’s family farms, then suggested a joke for a comic and floated a tidy little sum that might be sent your way upon publication, well, would you really argue that much with him? It’s a pretty good joke!

Dennis the Menace, 4/27/20

The US Postal Service — for which Mr. Wilson worked — began home delivery in 1905, so I don’t think this is true, on any level? Unless … is Mr. Wilson immortal, an eternal being kept alive over the centuries by pure grouchiness? It would explain a lot.

Gasoline Alley, 4/27/20

You know what would really help farmers out? Slavery! Child slavery.