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Funky Winkerbean, 10/2/18

So “Atomik Comix” (I think that’s the whimsical spelling they’re going with, I may well be wrong but please do not bother telling me if so) is running into some trouble, because apparently neither its founder, a wealthy comics-obsessive misanthrope and shut-in, nor its creative directors, who for some reason quit presumably lucrative jobs in the film industry to take this gig, could’ve predicted that a brand new comic book company trying to foist nostalgic-feeling superhero print books that nevertheless feature entirely new characters might not be so successful or profitable. So they’re turning to desperate and doomed techniques to boost sales numbers, like giveaway contests! Specifically, they’re giving away some nostalgic “atomic bomb rings” Chester found on eBay, which, I am reasonably certain based on today’s strip, will turn out to have been made in the ’40s or something with real plutonium, causing cancer, because everything comes back to cancer in the Funkyverse! Can’t wait for the massive lawsuit that will bankrupt this company and its unlikeable employees once and for all!

Dennis the Menace, 10/2/18

There’s just so much going on here that doesn’t quite gel into a coherent comic but I still kind of love it? Like, Mr. Wilson is standing on the scale, which we’ve previously seen is a soft spot for him that Dennis can poke at, but apparently Dennis, who’s outside the bathroom, has decided to go for the “haha, remember that time when you shat so much you fucked up the plumbing?” jugular instead. And Mr. Wilson’s so mad about it! Like, he probably went in to weigh himself and closed the door because he didn’t want the little neighbor kid who unaccountably keeps coming into his house to make a fat joke about him, again, so instead Dennis just humiliates him by yelling “Careful of those big ol’ turds, Mr. Wilson!” It’s grim, extremely grim.

Slylock Fox, 10/2/18

How long has it been since the animalpocalypse ushered in the Glorious Animal Regime in Slylock Fox, do you think? Five years, maybe? Ten? Anyway, we’ve apparently got to the point in its political development when the mass arrests start.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 9/30/18

I don’t mean to sound like a speciesist or a “H. sapiens dead-ender,” but it’s sad that the Animals managed to overthrow and destroy our civilization despite being clearly unable to create a new and better culture of their own, instead just mimicking the humans who came before them to the best of their understanding, which often isn’t all that good. For instance, the new regime was aware that the late human economy was in large part driven by an overly credulous class of investors who would throw money at any STEM major willing to spin a narrative of bullshit about “disruption” and “innovation” without doing any kind of due diligence, but they apparently regard this is as a necessary aspect of the system rather than one of the factors in its decline. They also thought that this role would best be played by literal fat cats, since they don’t understand metaphors.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/30/18

Sorry, Crazy Harry! Komix Korner is in the Funkyverse, where the only permissable emotions are mounting anxiety and heavy-lidded ennui. Cease all expressions of joy at once!

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Shoe, 9/18/18

OK, so, see, if Roz’s boyfriend collected trash, “The Garbageman” wouldn’t be a nickname; it would be a straightforward description of his job. Like “garbagemen” is definitely a word we use to describe sanitation workers, in American English! Though I guess I’m assuming Shoe is using “collecting” here in the professional sense. Maybe he thinks Roz is dating a hoarder, and is trying to be as cruel to her as possible about it! Jokes on him, it seems: in fact, she’s dating one of his fellow newspapermen — and one who doesn’t believe in the pious niceties of bourgeois, “respectable” journalism! Those are some well earned goggle eyes of horror.

Slylock Fox, 9/18/18

So dad is wearing … hairpants? Like a hairshirt, but pants? Isn’t parenting a child who he obviously holds in contempt self-punishment enough?

Gil Thorp, 9/18/18

Ugh, once again football season gets underway without the annual bonfire, a tradition that dates at least back to 2007 but seems to have abruptly ended after the 2015 season. I for one would’ve loved an entire wacky summer storyline about how the school board’s insurance company finally broke it to the athletic department that giant bonfires are incredibly dangerous and they can’t have them anymore, because it would’ve given Gil a chance to be hilariously indignant, would’ve probably ended in some laughable compromise, and would’ve at least acknowledged that this annual tradition stopped happening for some reason. There’s a slim chance that we’ll get a true bonfire before the first home game, but until then I’m going console myself that the jagged white shapes in the background of panel two are billowing waves of smoke rising into the sky from Milford itself, miles away from Oakwood and in the process of being burned to the ground in an orgy of Mudlark-supporting.

Spider-Man, 9/18/18

Ha ha! They were holograms all along! Just like we all figured! The old hologram trick! A classic bit.