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Pluggers, 2/19/18

As you know, I’m not a plugger, and one of the ways you can tell I’m not a plugger is that I know jack-all about cars. So, like, when I read this panel, I was confused, because don’t all cars have shock absorbers? Is this panel trying to imply that pluggers have a pedestrian-based lifestyle and shun automotive ownership? Because that seems quite at odds with the image I’ve built up over the years! But, no: it turns out that some cars have shocks and some cars have struts. And maybe some have both? I then contemplated taking the next logical step: doing the research to determine if cars without shock absorbers were more “plugger-y” than those with them. But then I thought, “enh, my dude, you’re just spending time learning about cars.” So I gave up! True story!

Dick Tracy, 2/19/18

“Have you seen today’s paper, Chief Patton? Oh, you haven’t, but you’ve already heard about the murder of an extremely wealthy and prominent citizen? What with you being the chief of police and all? And also we live in a 24-hour news cycle, so even if you hadn’t heard it from police sources you’d probably see it on TV or Twitter or something? Well, whatever, I already had one of my aides buy this paper for visual effect, so God damn it, I’m going to hold it up meaningfully. This is how you hold up a newspaper, right? Very gingery?”

Slylock Fox, 2/19/19

OH HEY WHAT’S UP COUNT WEIRDLY IS JUST SENDING OUT HIS SNAKE TO EAT BABIES NOW

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Dick Tracy, 1/21/18

Dick Tracy is one of the lucky few sci-fi-ish franchises that have run so long that they’ve seen real life overtake their signature gee-whiz future tech. Just as Star Trek’s 1960s-era communicators look ludicrously bulky compared to the actual communication devices of the year 2018, Dick Tracy’s signature wrist wizards are basically everyday technology in the ’10s. Whatever advantages they have in sleekness (presumably they don’t need to sync to a cell phone) or style (is that an analog clock taking up a good quarter of its UI?), they lose a million points for subtlety, especially if, for instance, they’re being used by an police officer working deep undercover within the criminal apparatus. It looks like T-Bolt (actual name “Lee Ebony,” and I’ll leave it up to you as to which is more cringeworthy) should’ve just used a burner phone from 7-11 like a normal person.

Gasoline Alley, 1/21/18

Hey, uh, do the first two panels in the second row imply what I think they’re implying? Gasoline Alley HQ is going to find itself on the receiving end of a Blue Lives Matter protest in short order if so.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 1/21/18

Oh, snap, sexists, I bet you failed to figure out this mystery because you forgot that girls can be gamers too! This is like that “the surgeon was his mother” riddle, but updated for our current era (our current era, it goes without saying, is extremely stupid).

Spider-Man, 1/21/18

Finally, after months of build-up, it’s time for the super-powered battle between Spider-Man and the Lizard that we’ve been waiting for! [one panel later] Ah, well, uh, let’s see if the Hulk can handle this.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 1/14/18

The solution to this mystery is painfully obvious (the bat is upside down, you see!) so I’m going to pose a more complex question. Can we truly hold just one of our soccer-playing quartet, who for some reason have put on numbered uniforms for a two-on-two game, responsible for the broken window? After all, they collectively decided to play in dangerous proximity to Chez Beaver. Aren’t they similarly collectively responsible for the damage? This bat is quite the little narc, sowing discord where there should be solidarity and allowing three of these creatures to convince themselves that they’re not on the hook for what in truth they all did.

Curtis, 1/14/18

What sells this strip are the six panels setting up Greg’s quiet ecstacy at having some time to relax on the couch, making Curtis’s loud “rap” music all the harsher violation. I particularly enjoy the second panel in the top row, in which we see that Greg’s relationship with his sofa borders on the erotic.

Spider-Man, 1/14/18

Oh, say, remember how Dr. Connors had the same rare blood type as Bruce Banner, and so Bruce gave him a blood transfusion? Well, it seems they took too much blood from Bruce, and now he needs a blood transfusion! I’m not sure why, if Bruce has the same blood type as Doctor Connor and Spider-Man is able to donate blood to Bruce, he couldn’t have just skipped the middle man and donated directly to Doctor Connor, but that’s neither here nor there. The important thing to know is that the last time someone drew Spider-Man’s blood, a series of comical events led to him briefly assuming the identity of “Gown Man,” a superhero who climbed around on window ledges wearing an extremely short hospital gown, which had predictable results results in terms of everyone on the street below seeing Spider-Man’s junk. Can’t wait to see where this medical plotline’s going!