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Spider-Man, 2/13/15

So it turns out that Mysterio’s mysterious powers of flight come not from the supernatural, but rather from an array of gadgets! He’s mostly been cruising around on that thing that Spidey is dangling from in panel one, which yesterday he called his “nigh-invisible sky-ski” and which Spider-Man today refers to as “see-through” despite the fact that it’s blatantly the shade of bright yellow that you paint construction equipment with specifically to make it easier to see. He’s got a back-up flying device, too, which is a smart move when your primary flying device is structured such that it would be very easy to just, you know, fall off of it. Anyway, the best thing about today’s strip is clearly panel one, in which Spider-Man taunts Mysterio about what appears to be his awful, imminent death.

Gil Thorp, 2/13/15

Over in Gil Thorp, Max Bacon™ continues his quest for Adderall. Today’s episode tickles me because he’s blatantly leaving whatever the electronic version of a paper trail is in his attempt to illegally acquire performance-enhancing drugs, bringing to mind the end of this classic scene from The Wire.

Apartment 3-G, 2/13/15

This Apartment 3-G plot is supposed to be about Margo getting her mom out of the clutches of some terrible phony psychic, but that’s all unravelling because it turns out that her grift mostly involves soaking Margo’s dad for money to buy fun things with, and what’s the harm in that, really? Game recognizes game.

Momma, 2/13/15

Francis is a notorious ladies man, but his overarching goal is to avoid work at all times, so he’s not shy about using his sweet young body to charm whoever finds him charming.

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Dennis the Menace, 2/7/15

It’s true: one day Dennis is going to come home from school and find that his parents have gotten tired of his antics and moved out, taking only enough clothes to fill a suitcase and leaving no forwarding address. He’ll have to move out eventually too, of course, either when the food runs out or the bank forecloses, whichever comes first.

Spider-Man, 2/7/15

Spider-Man might not put that much effort into fighting crime, but if there’s one thing he always brings his A game to, it’s moronic banter. I sincerely wish this first panel could exist in animated GIF form, so that I could watch Spidey stumble around, arms flailing, for the entire time it takes him to spell out “M-I-S-T-E-R-I-O,” then mug awkwardly as he waits for the approbation for his dumb bit of wordplay that never comes.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/7/15

Say, have you been wondering what’s been happening in Rex Morgan, M.D.? What’s been happening in Rex Morgan, M.D., has been that Rex thought he might have a little while, just a little god-damned while, where he’d get to sit quietly and do a little painting and not have to talk to anybody. But turns out he doesn’t. Turns out he never does. Fine, June, get the resumes. No, I don’t care, just get them.

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Spider-Man, 1/31/15

This week’s Spider-Man has involved some confusing business about Peter sauntering into the emergency room after a robot fell on him and then sauntering out again diagnosed with a cracked rib and I honestly don’t know enough about his spider-powers (the proportional powers of … a spider) to know whether rib-breaking is a thing that could happen to him, and so whether this is all genuine boring medical talk or a boring ruse to protect his boring secret identity. The fact that the fracture in the x-ray extends beyond the rib itself seems to indicate the latter? Either way, Mysterio lets the wall-crawler know who’s boss by crumpling the x-ray up and fucking it.

Gil Thorp, 1/31/15

In any other narrative context, an athlete whispering, essentially, “Please! I hurt so bad!!” to a trainer would be a cue to start a Serious Issue Story about performance-enhancing drugs of some sort. But since the person being implored is the dorky student manager who only cares about fundamentals and sweater vests and branding, probably he’ll just get some advice about dribbling or something. Gil Thorp can be a pretty disappointing comic strip most of the time, guys.

Six Chix, 1/31/15

You know, Six Chix usually manages to fly under my radar, but it’s had a banner week this week, all bloated corpses and petty grievances and other bloated corpses. And this is a pretty solid capper: a woman dressed all in black, like a burglar or a puppetteer, attempts to buy a robotic simulacrum of a loving family, only to be rebuffed in favor of her own cat, who is in turn repulsed and terrified by the android’s steely embrace.