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Funky Winkerbean, 11/18/13

Ahhh, another generation is about to be added to the great cycle of birth and death and misery, all of which takes place at Montoni’s pizza, just like everything else that happens in this awful town! Today’s strip makes for an interesting study in the passage of Funky-time: when Lisa gave birth to Darrin, she reacted to the first pangs of labor with obvious distress and Les was so startled that he jumped out of his chair, sending a slice of pizza a-flyin’. But the imminent birth of Darrin’s own child can prompt no reaction in Jessica other than heavy-lidded sarcasm, and Darrin himself barely gives a little jerk in his chair. With any luck, this illustration of the increasingly blasé reactions to major life events over time proves the acceleration of emotional entropy, with the heat death of the Funkyverse blessedly approaching.

Better Half, 11/18/13

The Better Half has seen the box office returns and knows the score: the real money for comics properties is in big-budget movie adaptations. Today’s panel represents a puzzling decision to try to convince David Cronenberg to create a Better Half film that focuses on nightmarish body horror.

Spider-Man, 11/18/13

At last, Spider-Man gets to live out his ultimate fantasy: instead of just yelling at someone on TV, he’ll get to yell at someone on TV while he is also on TV. “I’ll send him crawling back to print media!” he declares, that being the worst insult he can come up with.

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Panels from Better Half, 11/17/13

Here are two panels from the selection in today’s Better Half! In the first, Stanley imagines a transhumanist future, in which he and Harriet will upload themselves to the network and become creatures of pure intellect, beyond the reach of governments and able to mold their own reality with sheer force of will. In the second, I’m pretty sure that Harriet is actually talking about cunnilingus.

Crankshaft, 11/17/13

Also, in Crankshaft, a child murdered a bus driver? I guess? Ha ha, Crankshaft thought it was a metaphor, but nope, just one of his coworkers being stone cold crushed to death under a bus.

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Family Circus, 10/20/13

Thel leaves the dishes for her evening pick-me-up down in the laundry room. Bil strains to remember what people mean by words like “hope” and “win.” Candyland was never supposed to be like this … not like this. The animals bide their time.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/20/13

Another sunset-colored Sunday Funky, in which we learn that Winkerbean pere et fils can only interact through the medium of commerce: “I’m here, Dad! How much attention and respect would you like to buy this time?”

Hey, remember when I said the Montoni pizza was the standard transactional unit of misery in Westview? SEE?

Why are Wally and Darrin taking a table out at closing time?

Better Half, 10/20/13 (panel)

Sadly, Harriet, that is definitely a Thing, and there’s a lot of it going around:

Mark Trail, 10/17/13 (panel)

Mary Worth, 10/20/13

So Mary Worth is apparently giving up on those confusing “stories” entirely and cutting straight to the self-congratulation? Unless the story is the self-congratulation, and Shelly’s got a chain-link cage set up in her drawing room so she and Mary can oil up and square off after lunch in a ‘Condescending Vanity’-themed Hell in a Cell? ‘Cause I would totally spring for the Pay-per-View on that.

OK, that’s it for me — look for Josh Sunday afternoon or early Monday with Comments of Slightly More than a Week and lots of good clean family-style comics mockery. Thanks for a fun time, everybody!

— Uncle Lumpy