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Mark Trail, 8/11/23

OK, so we’re retconning Mark and his Dad Happy into the February Norfolk Southern derailment in East Palestine Ohio, taking substantial liberties with the facts as we go. Mark provoked Ohio Senator Smalls (not N&S CEO Alan H. Shaw) with a couple inflammatory “isn’t it true” type questions, even implying that the derailment was intentional. Smalls escalated by accusing Mark of inciting a riot and ordered the cops to arrest him. Mark and Happy beat up a couple of the cops and are now on the lam courtesy of Rex Scorpius, his model/race driver/activist/Mom Sally, and (his? their?) sweet 1976–1981 vintage Pontiac Firebird. A little bridge-jumping, a few campfire stories, a week of Varroa mite bee colony collapse exposition, and here we are.

So assault and battery with an enhancement for assaulting a police officer for Mark and Happy, accessory after the fact for Rex and Sally, assorted traffic violations for Rex, then back to the mites. Sure hope they don’t impound the Firebird. The cops, I mean, not the mites. They’re bad, but they’re not that bad!

9 Chickweed Lane, 8/11/23

I was educated in Catholic schools before heading off to Georgetown. So I’m familiar with the mystique surrounding nuns that 9 Chickweed Lane exploited so successfully before beginning its long decline. Distant, enigmatic, and with authority drawn from God Himself, YOU DO NOT MESS WITH THE NUNS and we children all knew it.

Alas, Sister Gwen here has messed with Top Nun Sister Steven, nicknamed “Sister Caligula” by young Amos and Edda. We see Gwen “confessing” her “sin” by griping that the old bat made her feel bad. The priest “absolves” her by minimizing her offence and complaining that the old bat made him feel bad, too. Apparently nobody has any idea how this sacrament works, and they’ll all wind up in Hell, by mistake.

Gil Thorp, 8/11/23

Relationship Week continues with a little impromptu marriage counselling from Girls’ Softball Coach Cami Ochoa. Say, Gil’s getting around a lot these days, isn’t he? Bartender Bethany, mysterious airplane companions, Cami here. And we’re supposed to be worried about Mimi? But I bet Gil’s voice rose two octaves on “…FRIENDS?” watching Ericka “correct” Mimi’s “stance.”

The Wizard of Id, 8/11/23

Even without seeing his face you know that’s Bung.

You haven’t yet contributed to the Comics Curmudgeon? Three Hail Marys. Go your way and sin no more.

—Uncle Lumpy

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Por favor, contribuye generosamente a la Cascarrabias Cómics. ¡PRISA — hoy es el último día!

Blondie, 5/5/16

In Chilean Spanish, a “nuco” is a nocturnal bird, like an owl. So for Mexico’s Cinco de Mayo celebration, Dag’s diner is serving up grilled Chilean owl. I would’ve gone with the sea bass.

Six Chix, 5/5/16

Somehow the passive aggression just makes the bossiness worse.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/5/16

Hutch was firstborn, for sure.

Pluggers, 5/5/16

Pluggers send their grandkids homemade porn.

Wizard of Id, 5/5/16

Yes, like the Wiz is exhausting that adorable little fart in the last panel there.

Dick Tracy, 5/5/16

Oh boy, Dick Tracy’s police state is tattooing prisoners now.

In the current thread among so, so, many, goat-goateed Notta Fallar framed Tracy by releasing a video of herself making out with Putty Puss disguised as Tracy. Bluenose Mayor Armstrong suspended him, so he called in a favor from pal Oliver Warbucks, who hired lawyer Mr. Kleen to press Tracy’s case. I was certain Mr. Kleen was going to be an intentionally ironic name for any lawyer who works in Dick Tracy (like Law and Order’s Judge Softon Crime), but nooo – he’s just some guy with a Purell® jones and apparently, a real aversion to legal work.

Zits, 5/5/16

Jeremy Duncan used to have a serious case of the hots for his guidance counselor. Farewell to adolescence, I guess. Who knows what comes next? Not him!

– Uncle Lumpy

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Wizard of Id, 3/9/16

Your occasional reminder that one of the bits of medieval cultural flotsam Wizard of Id makes comedic hay out of is torture! Remember, torture was an omnipresent fact of like in the Middle Ages, and since the Wizard of Id is a 100% accurate depiction of medieval life, it would be narrative malpractice to not have torture jokes. Shoutout to today’s strip for really going all in on the details! The bellows in panel one shows you the technology that was once used by the state to literally inscribe its power onto its subjects. The Spook is usually pretty chill about his eternal imprisonment, but as he dangles from the wall in the background, he looks genuinely terrified about what’s about to happen. And the smoke wafting up from the red-hot iron, demonstrating the world of agony that’s about to be “communicated” to the hapless prisoner — mercy! Wholesome laughs all around!

Family Circus, 3/9/16

Bad news, Jeffy: once you’re done with childhood, intrusive thoughts about your inevitable death start on your birthday, not the next morning.