Post Content

Slylock Fox, 11/22/17

Ha ha, you simpletons, did you think those lovable pigs just munched on apple cores and such? No, they’ll eat anything that can get their suddenly dextrous hands on, and now that they’ve somehow learned to use tools, that can mean a delicious roast chicken right off your table … or you. You with a noose around your neck, dragged out the window, to be devoured alive by a trio of grinning, squealing, bug-eyed pigs. We joke about the Slylockverse animalpocalypse around here, but it must’ve been more horrible than any of us could possibly imagine.

Pluggers, 11/22/17

Man, can I say that I specifically tune into Pluggers for a complete and total absence of anything that might be an even vaguely topical political reference? Anyway, grandpa’s going to prison for treason, I guess.

Family Circus, 11/22/17

A scene from the upcoming Lifetime movie, Please Mommy Don’t Kill Again

Post Content

Mark Trail, 11/21/17

Mark’s sidekick Johnny was too cowardly to gun down a woman, so instead he’s going to lure her down to the tunnel under the bank, where the bear will eat her.

Spider-Man, 11/21/17

Sorry all comedy writers everywhere, but nothing you produce this week will be funnier than “I can’t have my wife back — but at least maybe I can grow a new arm.” Anyway, I’m glad we’re finally going to find out why supposed science nerd Peter Parker works in the incredibly low-paying field of freelance news photography rather than getting a job as a lab tech or something. I assume that it’s because he’s actually pretty bad at science, which is great for me because I’m psyched to see one of his screwups turn Dr. Connors into a lizard.

Beetle Bailey, 11/21/17

Man, I have to say, Lt. Fuzz was not at the top of my “who at Camp Swampy is going to plan the coup” list.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/21/17

Boy, this bluegrass version of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” sure changed some things!

Post Content

Crock, 11/20/17

Aww, it looks like Otis’s mom has finally figured out that his best (only?) friend is a carrion-eating vulture! And you can tell she’s really trying. Her lids are heavy with disgust as she imagines the hungry bird flying home to his gore-encrusted home to feed on fresh corpses, but she isn’t saying anything to break up the friendship. That’s good parenting!

The Phantom, 11/20/17

Ooh, now we know which specific weirdos are on Walker’s table: messianic cultists! The main question raised by today’s too-artsy-by-half lettering: Is this beardy gent known to his devotees as “Savior 2” or “Savior Z”? Because those names have very different vibes. Savior 2 is sort of a “Hey kids, I’m just like Jesus, but the next one, for the modern age!” whereas Savior Z is like I AM THE END OF ALL THINGS, THIS WORLD WE BE CLEANSED IN INFINITE FIRE FOREVER