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Kevin and Kell, 6/6/24

I know I don’t talk about Kevin and Kell, the comic strip about weird corporate furries, very often, but I can’t look at the wildly fucked up limb situation in panel three and not inflict it on you. How does he hold that phone? How does he walk? It’s troubling.

Mary Worth, 6/6/24

Mary has snapped and decided to end Wilbur’s reign of self-pity with violence. She will force him to love and respect himself, or kill him in the attempt.

Pluggers, 6/6/24

Pluggers exist in a sort of fog, unsure what day it is or where they’re going, and are driven forward only by the vague but unshakeable knowledge that they are in urgent need of medical attention.

Rhymes With Orange, 6/6/24

You ever wonder where the Jolly Green Giant takes a dump? If you guessed “right in the middle of some field, where everyone can see him,” well, congrats, sicko, it turns out you have a lot better handle on giant-shitting lore than I do.

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Blondie, 6/5/24

The number one thing that makes me feel like an old person is my stiff right knee and hip, but number two, coming pretty close behind, is the fact that so many things, ranging from thoughtful essays to instruction manuals, that 10 years ago would’ve been written out as text now only exist in the form of YouTube videos. I don’t want to watch a video! I read very quickly and find videos that mostly consist of someone just talking to be annoying! Often I am in public and do not want to annoy everyone around me! Sometimes they’re good for real how-to instructional stuff but more often than not a written essay with some pictures would be just as good if not better and also would be easier to search through quickly to find the relevant bits. Anyway, my point is that I read today’s Blondie and immediately thought, “Finally, Blondie accurately depicts what young people are like for once — they all think you should learn everything from YouTube and it fucking sucks,” but then I instantly recoiled in horror. Is this what I’ve become? Someone who cheers when Blondie sticks it to the kids these days? My feeling of deep shame almost, but not quite, wiped all thoughts of how much I hate most internet video from my mind.

Intelligent Life, 6/5/24

I guess I haven’t talked about what Intelligent Life’s whole deal is in the few times I’ve posted it here, so: it’s whole deal is that it’s about a number of unpleasant people who are obsessed with “nerd” franchises (i.e., most of modern film and TV entertainment) in the most boring way possible. Anyway, today’s strip pissed me off because, yes, Meta’s use of user content for its dumb AI offerings is bad, and Emperor Palpatine is bad, but Emperor Palpatine never did anything like the real stuff Meta is doing that they’re talking about here. I saw those movies. He mostly did evil space wizard stuff and evil space politics stuff. He barely ever even used computers! Can we please be serious here.

Family Circus, 6/5/24

Without telling his wife, Big Daddy Keane has been taking Billy to one of those barbershops that hasn’t “gone woke” and starting obeying Big Government’s oppressive laws against trepanation, in an attempt reduce the internal pressure responsible for his eldest son’s grotesquely shaped head. The treatments are unpleasant, but they’re starting to show results!

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Slylock Fox, 6/4/24

I assume that the gentleman who’s been tied up is the victim here, some solid citizen who was simply walking around with burlap sacks full of cash, as one does, before being kidnapped by this nefarious pair of thieves. Now he’s watching the fisticuffs perpetrated by his rescuers, and we may note that in both versions of the panel, he looks on not with glee or even relief but with what appears to be wary trepidation. Sure, getting forcibly tied up, presumably under the threat of bodily harm, was harrowing, but he takes no pleasure in this orgy of retributive violence either, and seems unsure whether these costumed vigilantes, operating as they do outside the law, truly have his best interests in mind. And what about the fact that each opposing dyad includes one human and one animal who walks on hind legs and seems to have achieved human-scale intelligence? What’s that about, and what’s it going to lead to? Probably nowhere good!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/4/24

Shocking development: our pair of budding tween comedians are not regarded as the coolest kids in school despite their encyclopedic knowledge of vaudeville, and were in fact cruelly bullied last week! But don’t worry, they defeated their bully in the marketplace of ideas, and now in the aftermath of that encounter are reflecting on the fact that their misguided would-be tormentor is merely caught in a cycle of psychic violence that hopefully they can all break out of together. More on this story as developments warrant, or as they don’t warrant, if it’s on a slow day.