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Funky Winkerbean, 5/21/16

When I was in DC for my book tour last month, at one point I found myself downtown-ish with time to kill, so I looked up the nearest Starbucks with the intention of parking myself there and soaking up the free wi-fi. It quickly became clear that I had in fact selected the Starbucks closest to the White House, and had to walk right in front of the White House to get there! Anyway, here’s some news if, like me, you haven’t been in that part of town since the mid-’00s: they’ve totally rebuilt Pennsylvania Avenue in that section as a very pleasant pedestrian mall, and you can actually get quite close to the White House now, at least as close as you could get in the ’80s when I was a kid, if not closer. Far be it for me to imply that Funky Winkerbean didn’t do the research here, so I’m instead going to assume that Toque Boy is just being extremely sarcastic, and Les’s look of crushing self-loathing at having just been publicly owned by one of his students is the real punchline.

Gil Thorp, 5/21/16

Hey, so, it looks like the girls softball team has been forced to play their games wearing their basketball uniforms! Clearly better funding is in order, by which I mean both better funding for high school athletic departments so that athletes can wear sport-appropriate uniforms and also better funding for comics so artists don’t just say “Enh fuck it” and drop in some clip art from three months earlier into their strips.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/21/16

Ha ha, it’s funny because the Smiths are so poor that not having the kids at home means they won’t go hungry for once!

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A quick note on the fundraiser that just passed: yesterday I put all the tote bags in the mail, so you should be getting yours soon, if you asked for one! If you gave more than $25 but never got an email from me with the link to the page where you can tell me that you want a tote bag and where I should send said tote bag, let me know!

And now without any further ado, here is your comment of the week!

“In Dawn’s defense, I think Wilbur’s attempts to use a smartphone would be pretty hilarious. I would follow the hell out of his Instagram account, @sad-wiches.” –Dan

And here are your hilarious runners up!

“‘There are lots of new mirrors … everywhere.’ Neddy isn’t looking sadly uncomfortable because of the sexual implication, it’s because she only has one fucking mirror in her bedroom in which to admire her breathtaking visage, and it’s not fair.” –tb4000

“Another example of the Mammal Supremacy mindset. The pets for sale are all birds, reptiles, and fish. Come the revolution, that warm blood will flow in the streets!” –Ukulele Ike

“Of course, I’m biased… I love cows! Their big noses, their soft eyes, those funny swinging udders. Anyhow, you say that this cow is going to put your dad in jail?” –pugfuggly

“Ha-ha, isn’t their unhealthy, mutually destructive relationship crazy? Anyway, I got to go; text me if someone gives us money.” –TheDiva

“Rocky and Godiva’s argument is over as quickly as it started (argument began June 4th, 1998, and again on June 7th for Sunday only readers).” –Dragon of Life

“No, I will not trade husbands! The same rental agreement applies as always, $100 an hour and $150 if he wears the policeman’s uniform.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“This is one of those strips that could go on for a few more panels. ‘Yeah. Beeper. Good one. So, uh … who do think’s calling him? His wife … or widow now, I guess? I bet it’s his widow. Crock?'” –Joe Blevins

“What’s menacing is that Mister Wilson can’t recognize performance art when he sees it. Dennis has been spraying water in the air for an hour now while Joey sits there, hammer hovering but never hitting, frozen in indecision. It’s a stark and bleak statement on public education, but wasted on that philistine.” –Voshkod

“I don’t trust the curriculum standards in Hootin’ Holler, especially not for a history test. They’re probably just word scrambles of slurs that fell out of favor sometime around 1880.” –Irrischano

“A thoughtful Mary Worth reads her own comic strip.” –Pak-Man

“The debate may make the front page, but the real story is how the Santa Royale economy is booming, based on the lengthy help-wanted section and depiction of new four-story live-work condo developments. If Dawn decides to leave school because of her no-sex scandal, surely there’s a job waiting for her at a company that makes high-tech fitness trackers and appreciates an employee who has experience doing yoga and has heard of parkour.” –BigTed

“Neddy had the dressmaker’s dummies sculpted in her image by the finest craftsmen. (They of course were willing to do it gratis, the pleasure of copying her perfect bosom its own reward.)” –Lacey Wooton, on Facebook

“OK! Time to sit down and draw panel one. Let’s see, ok, we need a computer monitor … big rectangle … (Oh, but I also need to focus on Neddy’s sweet gams…) Ahem! Yes, computer monitor … uhh, another rectangle. (Mmmm those sweet, sweet gams…) Rectangle!!” –Chareth Cutestory

“Also, why does the Snuffy Smith family have a framed postcard reproduction of a Barnett Newman lithograph? Did Snuffy wander into MOMA, thinking the name stood for ‘Market O’ More Alcohol?’” –SamECircle

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

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Judge Parker, 5/20/16

We joke about the fact that the intricate details of Judge Parker’s plotlines tend to shift in the narrative wind, with the only constant being that the protagonists are going to get paid in the end, but I am very sad that the strip seems to be abandoning the #1 best and most hilarious thing about Neddy’s garment factory: that she was planning to exclusively hire old people, so that she didn’t have to pay for their health insurance or pensions. The whole idea was almost certainly illegal on a number of levels, but at least it acknowledged that clothes manufacturing almost never happens in the U.S. anymore for a variety of structural economic reasons. It also gave the venture a “hook” to get positive press coverage, though that’s mainly what Godiva is for, I suppose. Anyway, now that they’re just hiring ex-cons and other people of any age, most of whom are going to expect “salaries above minimum wage” and “safe working conditions,” look for Godiva’s business manager to move the whole operation to Bangladesh within a month, while Godiva is distracted by Rocky and his sex steaks. Don’t worry, our protagonists will get paid in the end.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/20/16

If you want to learn about how subcultures and isolated communities can become so alienated from the values of the state that rejection of that state’s laws and their enforcement apparatus becomes approved behavior, you could do worse than read Barney Google and Snuffy Smith.